Finger testing is my best friend...but I am still afraid

[ForestKnight25]

Ever since I got in a small (but very devastating) fight at school 2 weeks ago I have turned to finger-muscle testing to determine what's the most beneficial things for me, at that point in my life. It's totally turned things around for me, and I'm finally becoming secure in my own spiritual/religious beliefs (after over 2 years of fearing and hating the Christians in my life who had kept trying to scare me into accepting Jesus, lest I face eternal damnation.) I've felt like, for the first time, what I believe regarding life, souls, the afterlife, deities, energy, etc. is valid too.

Whenever I get a creative thought to add to my personal lore and philosophy (I'm a very imaginative boy, though that makes me attached to things a lot of the time,) I get centered, burn some incense and muscle-test the truth of it. Also it should be noted that, in addition to my fingers opening or closing to signify a "yes" or "no" answer, I get this gut feeling, and I seem to know that answer in my heart as well.

What I'm coming to, though (and I'm very sorry for this long post ) is that while my personal deities, customs, practices, etc. have all been validated, I have still felt bursts of fear of incorrectness from time to time. I was at a hotel last night, and I decided to practice an age-old divination method by pulling out the Bible, flipping to a random page and reading a passage at random. Now I forget what the passage was, but it said something about "angering God" by "burning incense unto other gods." And "other gods" are exactly what I "burn incense unto" (well, I wouldn't call them gods...rather the beings civilizations have called "gods" and "goddesses" are spirits of varying roles, manifestations of the universal source.)

At first I thought this was a direct warning from God telling me I was a sinner for having my own beliefs and deities. However, after finger-testing I was able to discern that it was a test of my personal faith: I have seen Christian "omens" before when I was extremely insecure, and was terrified for weeks (not wanting to take refuge in my spirituality because my spirituality was the very thing that was threatened.) Seeing a similar "omen" this time may have presented me with an opportunity to not trot down that fear path I've traveled on for so many years, and instead face my fears and move on to continue building my spiritual basis I've worked so hard to build. I will not let one opposing religion tear me down and scare me into converting to their ideologies.

I just need some words of wisdom to help me through this last bit of fear, since I'm naturally terrified of being wrong.

[galaxy_storm]

Sorry for my ignorance but what is "finger testing" ?

[SnakeDoctor]

yeah i dont know what that is either.

[CFTraveler]

I'm possibly wrong but I think it's the equivalent of muscle testing like what kinesiologists use (and some chiropractors) but using the finger instead of the arm.  I guess it's more self-doable than muscle testing, which is done with the outstretched arm.

[AmbientSound]

Corinthians 13 is a good passage to throw at people like your "friends." They sound like people who do not know how to deal with their own fears. Control issues are often a symptom of this.

[lily moonsong]

I agree, I don't think it was a warning from god... it was just a test of your faith..

=)  good job being in tune, keep up the good work.