OBE Questions, Fears...Need Advice and Help!

[aharris77]

I am absolutely terrified of death. I don't want to become nothing and cease to exist. I don't want to lose my loved ones forever or for them to lose me. I am so scared that I am afraid to love, afraid to be happy. I feel like life is totally meaningless.

So, I've been researching NDEs and OBEs and all that stuff for years. Have never had an OBE although I have tried, and tried, and tried. I found information on the Internet from HowStuffWorks.com that said the following:

"...study from the University of Kentucky has quickly gained ground among scientists as possibly the best explanation for NDEs. Researchers there theorize that the mysterious phenomenon is really an instance of the sleep disorder rapid eye movement (REM) intrusion. In this disorder, a person's mind can wake up before his body, and hallucinations and the feeling of being physically detached from his body can occur.

The Kentucky researchers believe that NDEs are actually REM intrusions triggered in the brain by traumatic events like cardiac arrest. If this is true, then this means the experiences of some people following near-death are confusion from suddenly and unexpectedly entering a dream-like state.

This theory helps explain what has always been a tantalizing aspect of the mystery of NDEs: how people can experience sights and sounds after confirmed brain death. The area where REM intrusion is triggered is found in the brain stem -- the region that controls the most basic functions of the body -- and it can operate virtually independent from the higher brain. So even after the higher regions of the brain are dead, the brain stem can conceivably continue to function, and REM intrusion could still occur..."

This totally smashes all my hopes for something more. I really, really wanted to believe. I have also read how OBEs can be simulated in a lab, by virtual reality, by stimulating certain parts of the brain, etc. which I believe I posted on awhile back.

I am so depressed. I feel like I found the truth and it is devastating. That death is truly the end, oblivion, nothingness, cessation of existence. Which means life, love, everything is utterly meaningless and hopeless.

I know I need therapy or something, because my fear has ruined my life. I am obsessed with my fear. Every time I get a vague physical symptom I worry is this a symptom of something that is going to kill me? I worry about myself and my kids. I cannot cope with this. I just can't.

I've tried antidepressants. I'm currently on Xanax. I'm going to counseling. But none of it can change the facts that I've read about, none of it can change my devastating terrifying fear of death and loss.

I don't know why I'm posting this here. I guess I hope someone can refute what I learned. I mean, there's always that little bit of hope that says maybe the scientists are wrong.

Right now, my life isn't worth living in this kind of torment but of course I would never kill myself because I don't want to cease to exist. I am completely miserable.

[ka0s]

Well..

I read your entire post and heres what I can say:

I am new to the community but have been experiencing OBE's for years on a consistent basis. To me, death is just a gateway to something much greater and not worse. I can also say that the experiences I have had only strengthened my faith. While there is a lot of research that can be done on the subject, you can only read in to things so much. Books will only do a certain amount. Practice is the other half and believing in yourself. Appreciate what you can in life because you don't know when it can be all taken from you.

Doesn't your own truth matter in the end more so than what is written in studies?

[aharris77]

Thank you for your reply. The problem is that I don't have my own truth. If I did, it would be so much easier. I've tried and tried to OBE and never could. I am looking for my own truth and so far only finding discouraging and depressing things that contradict what I wish was true. I am hoping this will change.

[ka0s]

Hmm I see. Well for me they started at an early age and from there only advanced with education and practice. Maybe you will have to dig deep to find your own truth. I would try to not let studies discourage or depress you. Your quoted text specifies NDE's which can be similar to OBE's but are triggered during a traumatic event. Wouldn't "this theory helps explain what has always been a tantalizing aspect of the mystery of NDEs: how people can experience sights and sounds after confirmed brain death", only be more interesting and less discouraging? I personally find it to be an interesting aspect of the brain and not something depressing. If anything it gives hope and not discourages it, to me, that is.

[Psan]

I don't see any point in being afraid of something which is natural and is going to happen anyway and happens to each and everyone.

Your cause of fear isn't death, it seems, its a fear of losing the status quo, which includes your loved one's/ relatives/friends/material stuff etc etc. This fear comes from the terrible attachment you have for these things. Ultimately attachment to  things is the cause of suffering. Everyone of us learns this the hard way. So will you.

My humble advice is not to take life too seriously. Take opinions as opinions not as facts. No one knows for sure, nothing has been proved or disproved.

Oh yes, you won't be able to obe in this condition at all. You need to develop yourself first. Being happy would be a good start

[asus-4]

Heres something to consider.The apparent interviewing of alien beings over the past 50 or so years have found that when asked about the technology of there space craft  the aliens responded with information of how humans possess a sole and why it has a necessary use for the vessel we know as the body.If these interviews are real why would an advanced being give this information rather than technological info.Unless they know something we are yet to discover.

[atraveler]

Hi,

Those fears have also troubled me in the past.  Here are a few things to consider.  No matter what happens, for the entire future of the universe and future universes and all time and of all existence to come, absolutely nothing can change the fact that YOU existed.  That fact will exist FOREVER and can never ever be taken away. 

For another thing, human existence is painful and difficult.  I don't think you'd want to live forever in your human physical form.  Once you got old you'll come to the realization that it would be ok to die.  Let me make an assumption.  I'm willing to bet that whenever you're feeling afraid (like I sometimes do) that you're always inside somewhere.  I can bet that if you go to a lovely park near where you live on a warm breezy afternoon and lie in the grass on a blanket and look up at the sky and clouds and ponder the universe and the wonderful fact of our existence, that you wont feel so afraid.  It's so much easier to make peace with life and death in that kind of setting.  You'll feel like that it will be ok when you eventually pass away and that there's nothing to worry about.

Our earth will be destroyed when the sun expands and it is too hot for humans to live on it.  Assuming we will never develop technology to live in other solar systems or other planets (it's quite unlikely), and assuming that you somehow came into possession of a Superman-style body in which you could withstand all pain, heat, etc. you'd eventually find yourself floating in space with no earth to walk on.  Maybe you'd be able to hang onto a few of your friends and family so now there's this big group of people holding hands floating in space etc. etc.  This is absurd!  Trust me, life will be much less worthwhile when you're 110 years old and all your friends and family have already passed on.  If the people most dear to me passed away, I'd want to go wherever they went!  I'm going after them because I want to be with them wherever they went.

Another thing to consider.  What do dogs do?  What do horses do?  They do dog things and horse things (and also die by the way).  You're a person and it's your job to do person things.  Your default state of being is relaxed happiness where you're doing normal person things.  Keep doing your person things, be prudent and safe, enjoy life and try to fulfill your dreams, and everything will work out.  As soon as you start to feel anxiety, go to a park or just go outside, sit down, and look at the sky.  At night sometime go outside and look at the stars.  If you ever want to fly among those stars, you're going to have to leave your physical body behind.  Make sure you go around to all your family and tell each one individually how much you love them.  Make sure they know it and resolve any conflicts you might have.

You've probably read a lot about the nature of NDEs.  I think the people who experience NDEs have had such profound experiences (being of light, meeting deceased relatives, feelings of love, life review, loss of fear of death etc.) that there has to be more to it than those researchers can disprove.  If it were just a stupid brain stem thing, it doesn't make sense why people's experiences would be so profound.  Many NDEers see themselves lying on the bed (or wherever) and see and hear things they technically wouldn't be able to do so.  Why would they see themselves lying on the bed if it were just a brain stem thing?  You've probably never had a dream where you see yourself lying on the bed.  That's because no one ever sees themselves lying on the bed in real life.  It makes no sense that people would experience themselves lying on the bed if it were just a brain stem thing. It's probably because they're out of their bodies! They've even described detailed medical procedures performed on them.  They've heard things that they wouldn't have even heard had they been awake on the operating table.  BTW, as far as having an OBE or similar experience, I've found the easiest way is to use one of the "OBE Timers" on the www.saltcube.com website.  It worked for me the first time.  I had what seemed to me like an OBE and a lucid dream.  All I did was I started playing the timer CD I made, put one earbud speaker in my ear that wasn't on the pillow, and went to sleep.  Matt from saltcube really is onto something!  Also, go to your local metaphysics bookstore and talk to some people about OBEs; talk to paramedics and hospice workers.  They'll tell you great stories.  Surround yourself with caring and fun people and they'll make you feel better.  Read Frank Kepple's phasing information on this site also.  Take care!

[aharris77]

atraveler that was an incredibly helpful post, thank you so much. I hope I do live to be old, so old that I will be ready to die when the time comes. I am a hypochondriac (seriously) and worry all the time that every little symptom I get is going to kill me young (I am only 30 and smoked and drank heavily for 15 years) I have a lot of guilt and feel like I'm going through my life "dodging medical bullets" so to speak and one day one is going to hit me.

I will try your suggestions and not give up on astral travel, I want to do this so bad. I bought Adventures Out of the Body by William Buhlmann and absolutely loved it, I read my favorite parts almost every day. I am really hoping that all this is real, which it seems to be real for some people just not me. I only hope one day I can have a voluntary OBE that really confirms I am more than my body and these spiritual realms do exist.

It's just so hard to believe without personal proof, but I'm not giving up. Thank you so much for your insight!

[Eliza]

Aharris:

Many who OBE can do remote viewings which is that they float out of their body to look at a card someone put in another room or another building altogether. Books and paintings also have been used. if this is a REM thing then there is no way people can get it right from the OBE experience.

Astraveler is right - when you stare up into the open sky, day or night, or feel that breeze up the mountain, it is hard to believe that we are not part of something deeper and more eternal. you will find your way.

eliza

p.s. studies are always changing - egg is bad for you; egg is good for you - can you really believe what you read?

[atraveler]

One more thought...Even if OBEs and NDEs are completely 100% real and there really is eternal (whatever that means) life after death, and even if that life is free of the kind of suffering we have here on Earth, it would still be radically different from our current life, and we would mourn the passing of our current life if we had the power to remember it well.  It's probably not where you're a child with the love of your parents and then you go to school etc. etc.  It probably doesn't have all your favorite foods etc.  Also, in the ethereal form, (I'm only guessing) life decisions may not have the same kind of dangers and consequences and resulting meaning that our current life has.  Does that mean love is less intense and meaningful?  Let's say that there is life after death in which you remember the events of your current (and past?) lives.  If that's true, it's probably true that there was life before death in which you chose to come here, probably knowing most of the conditions.  What about here was so good that we were willing to leave there? Learning?  Loving?  Could we not do that over there?  Woody Allen once said that when he visits Europe he always misses the US but that when he's back in the US, he always misses Europe.  If all this is true, there's probably a reason we don't remember our ethereal lives and past lives.  Could it be that it's because there's something we'd rather not know about the other side?  Some truth which would ruin our current existence?  Could an argument be made that some kind of existence, no matter how horrible, is better than no existence at all?  I have to admit that the thought of "no existence at all" scares the sh** out of me, but then again, I'm young, inside, and putzing around on the computer instead of outside gazing at the stars. 

[loppoppy]

"The Kentucky researchers believe that NDEs are actually REM intrusions triggered in the brain by traumatic events like cardiac arrest. If this is true, then this means the experiences of some people following near-death are confusion from suddenly and unexpectedly entering a dream-like state."

for one, like everything, this is just a theory. it is not known for certain, but as it backs up your fears it seems more real to you, mainly because of the way you are looking at it.

think about it...the REM state is connected with astral projection, why is it that these REM intrustions are triggered when you are close to death? why isn't anything else in the brain triggered? When dreaming and you are in the REM state, if you became aware of your dream you could ever so EASILY project into the astral and out of your body. In my opinion, the reason the REM intrustions are triggered is because you are quickly entering the optimal state for your spirit to leave your body right before death, for once your brain is dead, it can't dream, so all that can be done is for your concious spirit to be released. If you are brought back to life from this then your spirit gets sucked back in and you have just had what is known as a near death experience, you thought you were dying, so your spirit was released by that triggered state, but you werent, so you came back! This of course can't be proven, but the scientific theory can't be proven either, it's all down to what feels right to you. Look at it without fear and you will see there could be many reasons for this state to be triggered, maybe not what i said, maybe not what the scientists said...maybe it has no significance at all! pure speculation, that is all.