HELP PLEASE!!!

[VOMA]

Greetings,I write this epistle of sorts as result of the fact that I need sincere comments,help,possibly instructions,and most importantly advice as regards the course of action I'm proposing to take. Please you'd bear with me if my post seems rather long nay,voluminous...it is an effort on my part to make my situation as lucid as possible (if I may use such an expression). I believe that with enough information the answers I seek will be more forthcoming and better tailored to suit the extant condition.
I hail from Africa.West Africa,to be precise. I have a BURNING DESIRE to be initiated into the mysteries of the world (please once again, pardon my expression). I'll be very frank and say I have this desire for three primary reasons viz:

1.To remove the yoke of poverty currently besetting my existence (I'm just trying to be frank here,as should I deny any selfish motive,then I tread on uncharted waters as the answers I hope you folks will be giving me will not apply as they were tailored to suit my inquiries...I'd appreciate your help to be as succinct,blunt and direct as possible due to the nature of what I'm about to involve myself in...my life,not just existence is at stake). My parents in all candidness did their bit...that I cannot deny or the truth will not be found in me...I possess a university education from a reputable university in my home country,but then I most confess a truth here known only to 4 people in the world discounting myself,the institution concerned and God...I dropped out after my 8th year (the courses 'normal duration is five yrs which ended up as 6yrs give or take a few months due to national industrial strike action by university lecturers) as a result of a certain 3 unit course I couldn't pass all entreaties to the lecturer of the course,his wife,friends and the like fell on deaf ears. He (the lecturer) happen to be of the ilk that believe in hard work,fairness and such...in fact he was the pastor of his local church (a denomination known worldwide for it's views on holiness,"separation unto the lord" and purity...I hail from a country in west Africa noted for its large number of very successful Men of God...in fact a lot of westerners and people from diverse parts of the world make a pilgrimage to my country on regular basis to consult with these men of God for healing,miracles and whatnot. My country boast the church with the largest auditorium in the whole world,churches with membership of 3,5,10,million in the nation alone...worldwide memberships of such churches which would exceed over 15 million are to be found in all the capital cities of the country...I DO NOT EXAGGERATE these figures...I'm sure some of you folks conversant with the christian religion would by now be guessing the name of my country ...anyway I digress). Everybody save these four friends of mine and the school authority,are of the opinion that I graduated...though I think my brother suspects otherwise,but he hasn't given me a reason to confirm my suspicion...maybe it's just me. So here I am a big failure to my family as all hopes were hinged on me,to graduate, secure a good job and help out. Well to cut a long story short as I do not want to bore anyone I manage from the vocational job I have to assist my family. My mom keeps wondering why her son is the only one left out from his contemporaries who is not gainfully employed (other childhood friends are all married,wealthy,...virtue of very lucrative jobs and businesses ) what she doesn't know is I do not have in my possession the necessary credentials to apply for a white collar job as I am not a graduate. The feeling of guilt I had been putting up with...oh...folks,I can't put to words. My laziness,indiscipline,and lackadaisical attitude to my studies has almost brought me to ruin...til now.So I must say I'm tired of always not having money to get me clothed,fed,pay the rent,and assist my siblings (just the other day my little sister asked me for a certain sum that if things were how it should be,it's a sum so negligible as to dole out  as a care free gift to a child,but alas, I couldn't give it to her as I didn't have any money...in fact prior to her calling I'd been going without food for about a day and a half). The reason for this I would expound on later. Suffice it to say though,that I'm not a homeless,nervous wreck,far from it...God in is infinite mercy has been assisting me in little ways...a little tip at work here,a friend chipping in there and so on... I must say at this moment that due to my financial circumstance I've been forced to really develop my faith in God...in fact (I guess I use the word in fact a lot)  thrive on it. Everyday I wake up without a dime to my name, I look at the heavens say a prayer of thanks and hope for the best...but friends I must tell you this I'm but a man,flesh and blood is all I am...sometimes it gets so so HARD to keep it up,sometimes I just want to give up hope as it seems I'm doomed to ill luck (I partake religiously in marketing promos conducted by telecoms companies to which I subscribe where people by luck, virtue of draws win life changing sums of money...akin to winning the lotto in your countries,but it has NEVER been me.
I'm currently participating in another now that will terminate come the 7th of next month...I only hope for the best. In my life I have NEVER prayed with such fervour as I did in a promo that took place about four months ago...two telecoms giants I subscribe to where conducting marketing campaign promotions,I participated in both,people were winning millions upon millions. I prayed,hoped,supplicated,meditated,visualized,cried and I will never forget the day to the final draw at the expiration of one of the promos,I lay naked on the floor (not as a pre-requisite for a ritual or anything as I know nothing of such,it was more like a thought that just flashed into my consciousness that I should come before God the way I was born...naked)  and prayed like I have never prayed in my life before...infact that day I knew what it was like to feel a burden, my faith was unshakeable...in fact I went to see  a car dealer in respect of purchasing a car with my anticipated winnings,told my mum I'd be visiting home soon,such was my faith..I was so sure of a positive result but alas...here I am writing this...but note that I  know NOTHING about the occult. I didn't do nothing except just pray,wish,hope,and with a positive frame of mind hope for the best..no rituals,or whatever.It should be noted that I went without food severally to be able to afford purchasing the tickets (in this instance pre-paid vouchers that I would "load" on the Sim of the respective network )to be eligible for the daily draws...now you know why I said I'd been going without food earlier on in my post.Til date the closest I've got to winning is when I visit the web pages of the companies to view the list of winners.

2.I desire to be of immense assistance to my family and friends financially,spiritually and in all that is good...and after perusing certain occult literature I believe I can achieve this.

3.Most importantly I feel the calling in my soul, in my spirit...the unknown has always beckoned to me I want to be an adept...it is my life's calling,I know that now,but a broke adept I do not want to be (please I hope this doesn't anger certain magicians as I'm just trying to be truthful...is it impossible for me to be wealthy and be a successful and true magician at the same time? Is there anything inherently wrong in applying the secrets of the art to enriching myself and possibly others? does that negate or deny me the quest of being a true magician...I DO NOT intend to dabble into the so called sorcery...it's not my leaning,but like an author said in a certain book..."you never know..."). 
When I say I had a nonchalant  attitude to my studies maybe I should qualify the statement by saying I wasn't studying what I should have been studying while in school...my friends and family know me to be a voracious reader...so I spent most of time reading up on philosophy,religion,and books on motivation and the like. Eventually I descended into (or should I say ascended) into reading up books on the occult. I couldn't get enough,seeing I was a disgrace financially, I resorted to downloading free e-books from the internet on the genre (and by God were they in abundance!). Prior to now I've always had this feeling of having  some psychic ability however ineffectual it might be (this I concluded due to my ability to guess things correctly especially names of total strangers. I must be frank and say I got it right like 30-50% of the time...am I correct in assuming anything out of the ordinary as regards this ability of mine or was it  my imagination running away with me?...for all I know it could be nothing).
So here I am with all this cook books that I don't understand a single word they are saying. I read of the elixir of life,the philosophers stone,on evocation,astral travelling and a whole lot of esoteric information,but friends I understood NADA. Aleister crowleys books read like Sanskrit to me,Johannes Faust's warnings on the introductory pages of his book leave me scampering for the safety of my life and in that direction,I don't go past the foreword of his book,the grimoires I have not a clue...I keep seeing unpronounceable names of demons and signs (seals?) and the like,qabbalah is a no go area...just boxes and numbers is all I see and esoteric explanations...books on astrology leave me dumbfounded (which leaves me worried as from the little sense I can make from certain books on the occult, to be a successful adept, I need a sound knowledge on astrology and the qabbalah...two concepts I just don't understand...should I give up the idea totally? but the yearning in my spirit says otherwise).
So I kept on going to work,and reading and searching for an easy way to be initiated by myself. You may be asking why don't I enroll at an institute or whatever you guys call them...but here in my country...Christianity and islam hold sway,both religions abhor the old ways...they claim it's evil...of the devil,you are not persecuted of course but people look at you askance when they think you are involved in the occult...I guess it's that way everywhere,but in your places you have adepts who enroll students,covens,lodges and the like that people on payment of certain fees can avail themselves of the services offered there...here it's not the case. Of course there are the local witchdoctors most of whom are resident in the rural areas that provide charms to people especially females trying to subjugate their lovers will and politicians desirous of incumbency,then those that come for money making rituals and stuff,but from what I read in my books these witchdoctors can't hold a candle to the power of a true adept...a highest initiate...something I'm prepared to train for...but where do I go to,who will train me...no one!...so here I am scouring the internet for a do it yourself book on magic.
Eventually I stumbled upon Franz Bardon's Initiation Into Hermetics. With delight I grabbed it and read through...yes I agree,it was a refreshingly good read and a welcome deviation from the grimoires that left me wondering about what I was involved with in the first place but  I am still at a loss.
So on I went,and I came across Franz Bardon's book on Magical Evocation (May God bless his soul wherever he may be)...he explained quite a whole lot about magic. Now this book thus far has influenced my thinking the most...it made me question my motives for wanting to be a magician...hence I said I'd be as truthful as possible...Bardon cautioned against selfish motives and the like,but should I say I don't desire riches , I'm full of it! I like to think of it as a means to an end. I am not a sluggard by any means as I work an average of 18hrs from fridays through Mondays and I study ( I re-enrolled as a fresh-man in another university) from Tuesdays through the early hours of Friday before commuting a distance of some 2hrs to work. All this I bear knowing I brought this grief on myself by doing the wrong thing at the wrong time.Authors of  books on motivation,right thinking and the like no doubt may opine that I am taking the wrong route to riches cos as the saying goes nothing good comes easy...easy come easy go...but I beg to differ as I don't see the mental exercises I may be going through release other ordeals I have to scale through to be an adept as exactly a walk in the park.

Friends,I have decided to just give you all a brief rundown of my life til this very moment that I type this. Now what made me to take this step now you may ask? well,I've been reading literature on the occult going on 11yrs now,without understanding a single thing...no, I'm not by any means a dull student (never minding the fact that I dropped out of school),but the books I have in my possession save Bardons' Initiation Into Hermetics and the sequel on evocation are about the only one that has made some meaning to me and even then I still dare not commence anything...why?...FEAR.
I wont be of much use to my beloved family dead or insane as a result of ignorant application of the do- it- yourself instructions I see onliine. I yearn to learn from an accomplished adept...sometimes I wish so much I existed during Bardon's time if only to be his pupil. Why am I afraid?...nearly all the books on magic have warnings of dire consequences should one misappropriate the info they contain...how do I know am not doing such by practicing as a neophyte, untutored and un-guided...we are talking spirit beings here...demons and powerful entities...I want to be able to conduct a simple ritual and know that I can sleep peacefully at night without some hell spawn demon crying out for my blood and having my dreams plagued by abominations...friends, this is the sole reason I have stayed my hand,this and the fact that certain of the materials needed for self initiation I do not possess,though I'm yet to visit a couple of spiritual stores that abound in my vicinity. There are quite a lot of charlatans that put up adverts in soft sell magazines over here promising from male babies to money and love potions,needless to say there may be some authentic individuals amongst this fray,but I do not plan to toe this line.

I was at my wits end when I happened on a book by a certain author by the name of Basil Crouch...he authored a book titled The Dark Side of The Moon. In his book, in a very simple manner and quite amusing too he gave in-toto information as regards how to make money,and other very pertinent info...I don't know if he's still alive...I believe he is British and a High priest of the Wicca order (my term please). He gave very precise? info on quite a lot of issues..from black magic (though he expressly discouraged the practice of such) to the so called white magic,all in all it was quite a book. So I started comparing notes of Crouch's with Bardon's approach though I acknowledge they are of different ilk...I am of the impression that should Bardon be alive he may not approve of Basil's outlook on issues of the occult as Basil himself expressly stated that he has too much on his karma already by disclosing info that should otherwise be reserved for certain initiates. Though I must say I thank Basil for his Candour and benevolent nature in regards to his practice although he expressly stated that one shouldn't give occult assistance for free...in his words..."...you are in this business to get rich...",he admonished that the magician should turn a deaf ear to all pleas and entreaties for free service,while I may not be so cold I cannot speak further on the matter as he may have his reasons.Lest I forget, the ubiquitous warnings was also present in Basil's book..make a mistake,pay dearly with your life!
Now folks,I need all the help and advice I can get such as:
1.Are there any other simple and exhaustive books available on the internet where I can get information as to the safe practice of this noble art?
Furthermore,does anyone know anything about Basil Crouch?...can his information be trusted...is he for real?...though he constantly affirmed the authenticity of the info contained in his book as he claimed to be a partaker of all he exposed. His book The Darkside Of The Moon was published in the year 1987,and from what I gleaned from the book he was about 70yrs old then,so is he still alive even if not kicking?
2.Again,how safe is the practice of the occult arts,considering the fact that I'm about to enter into this unknown territory without a guide,save Bardon's books and Basil's (the latter I intend to utilize to make my dream of becoming financially viable come through...though I say this with shame,I say it anyway).

3.Could any adept possibly going thorough this epistle of mine,have a place in their heart to help me out via correspondence by e-mails. Could I be taken step by step through the process of initiation so I don't end up undoing myself. Sometimes when I consider the fact that the info contained in this books are hundreds of years old I get apprehensive (what about if new rules now apply without me knowing,thus by using the old methods, I end up ensnaring myself)

4.Again, is it possible for me to engage myself in a money making ritual without signing a pact with any of the entities involved as that is something I WILL NEVER DO...I rather stay poor and ignorant...to me "Daring" does not involve me mortgaging my soul to a being from the pits of hell for but a brief and fleeting time of pleasure.I seek the powers that I ask for for the betterment of mankind,myself included..my wealth I intend to be a blessing to others...God who knows all,sees my heart and knows this to be true. I ask this question as most of the people that got wealth here in my country by virtue of the occult end up dying in horrible  circumstances or mysterious ones....many a movie has been acted based on these tragedy of my society (my country currently occupies the third position in movie making nations next to India and America,though I think Hong-Kong is vieing seriously to usurp us)in fact, this is the main reason most people have decided to find other means of making money...as it makes little sense to acquire stupendous wealth only to die some 4-5 yrs later...quite a paradox if you ask me.You see a young man whom you know to be penniless take a journey,he returns a year later with a BMW X6,or a Maybach...a month later you see him organizing a huge burial ceremony for his mom who suddenly passed away from an unknown ailment. I do not intend to go this way,call me chicken livered,a pussy,but I believe my calling is for a noble cause...for the furtherance of life not it's annihilation...pardon me for waxing self righteous as I'm by no means a pious man,though I try my best. Bardon and Basil expressly gave injunctions in their books that one should NEVER do this...signing pacts with beings for benefits to be bestowed one in the future or whatever,and this I intend to heed to the letter.
I'm not interested in magic to woo a woman,or for any other infantile purpose (no disrespect or pun intended on those that practice such...each man to his own),I want wealth (as selfish as it may seem) without hurting anyone or being in the process (this is one omelet I want made without breaking eggs...) and from there,devote my whole life to the study and perfection of the art of high magic. Please I need advice and sincere comments and assistance from the experienced ones amongst us and should any adept have mercy on me enough as to take me under his tutelage I'd be most grateful. Please for now I cannot afford to pay for your time and effort,but suffice it to say that I'd forever be in your debt.
I must apologize for the length of this post,but I just want to be perfectly understood. Any website,resource,book that will help a beginner...directed towards the absolute beginner with no prior knowledge of magic would be welcome...preferably a free e-book (you must forgive me,but I just don't have for now, the financial resource to effect a purchase).
May God Bless you all for taking time to go through this post of mine...eagerly awaiting your response,please assist me. Thank you. Yours, O.V.M.A.

QUESTION: While reading on the time to perform rituals...basil crouch recommends adhering to the periods and stuff...now ,say I choose to work with Poseidon or or zeus...their planetary system is Jupiter and sharing the periods into seven from sunrise the first period let's assume falls into say, 6am,while working on Thursday,where Jupiter happens to be the first period as that is he day of Zeus,considering the fact that it is morning will my ritual be able to work?...noting the fact that all rituals must be conducted when the moon is about the sky...this we know only happens in the night...so does this imply that casting spells in the daytime is a waste of time as the moon is not visible during the day...must the spells be cast at night?..if so what is the essence of the periods?...why not just work all rituals on a moony sic night?
Again I ask if pictures of the metals, plants, and the like needed would suffice. This is as a result of the fact that I was unable to procure some of them especially the perfumes and incenses within the local spiritual store I visited,and I am without the financial capability to order for them as I do not even have a credit card...(a relatively new concept here where I'm from and currently available to only the gainfully employed though it's proliferation amongst even the middle class is gaining ground).

3.Again as regards my alter cloth..what is similar to crepe paper as I'm yet to see anything like it...Basil emphasized that the alter cloth can be made of crepe paper in the colour of my chosen God (Zeus).

4.Again,I'm to mark out the cardinal points using the four corners of my room as a reference but how do I this seeing that if I stand at the center facing forward,what is directly in front of me is the north,behind me is the south,to the left of me is east and to the right of me is west,but should I turn to either the left or right,the points change east becomes north,west becomes south and north becomes east and the like or doesn't this matter...how should I position myself to mark out the points exactly?
As regards my declaration in the initiation right must I memorize all that basil wrote or would it suffice to read it from a paper?
     

[blis]

I feel for you man. I wish you every success.

I dont know anything about magic though sorry. I just felt compelled to say something having read such a long post.

[personalreality]

http://www.sacred-texts.com/

good resource.  lots of occult texts.

i wish you luck and suggest taking your time, this is a lot of information you want to master and it will take time, dedication, practice and most of all, patience.

[Pauli2]

I think you should divide the text in smaller parts and ask one question at a time. This is too much at one time to be answered by most people.

What do you want to achieve?

[Pauli2]

Now I've read a little more and if I were in your clothes I would most likely:

1. Not pray that much. God doesn't matter for most of us people. Just look around you. People pray all the time and it won't help. Pray once and then don't pray about that matter for three months. Repeating a prayer will help very little, unless I've changed my mind.

2. Try to find out if I could get any other education or finish my education.

3. If material wealth was important to me, try finding a business to make money from.

4. Keep calm and try to listen to my guides, my higher self or whatever I feel is helping me. Keeping faith in myself.

5. Don't put to much faith in magic as it will help me as little as any God. Religion is a way to keep people chained.

6. I would skip all the "magic" books that don't make sense to me right away. If I don't understand it, it's crap to me. I'll sell those books to someone else. Read 50 pages, if nothing makes sense and is not fun, skip that book.

7. Get a goal. Go back to the point where I lost my goal. If I can't find that point, go back to a point where I remember I still hadn't lost it. Then start on from there.

8. I've read Monroe's and Moen's books. Started with "Ultimate Journey", if it felt like nothing I wanted to read after 50 pages, I would skip the other books as well. For reviews, see:

http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/welcome_to_book_reviews/robert_monroe_journeys_trilogy-t32072.0.html
http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/welcome_to_book_reviews/bruce_moen_afterlife_series_books-t31933.0.html

[Stookie]

VOMA - This may not be what you want to hear, but I think at this forum it's probably more the type of help you'll find. There aren't too many here that I know of that have gone through magickal initiations.

I suggest that before searching for a magickal initiation, attempt to quiet yourself and move inwards. Learn about yourself and your inner-being first. I believe you'll find the answers you're looking for there. You have to help yourself and find your true being before a self-initiation. Burning desire won't do it, just make things really frustrating. Humble yourself and let your intuition guide you, not your desire. Then you'll be guided to the right people and ways of doing things.