Existential Depression

[LostSoul]

Hi everybody,

I have been coping for about a week now with what I can only call existential depression. Let me give some background on myself:

I am almost 18, and going away to college in the Fall. (Lots of people have been blaming the transition, but I think it is more.) I was a spiritualist in my preteens and early teens and often frequented the Jonas Ridgeway forums when they existed. I never really had any psychic experiences except for two OBES that didn't feel 100% real. In recent years, I have drifted toward atheism, although I preferred the term "agnostic with atheist leanings" or "extreme skepticism" because I think anything is possible. However, I always felt a real connection with nature and the universe, so in retrospect, I may have been more of a pantheist.

Anyway, within the last week, I have experienced an absolutely crippling fear of my own mortality and insignificance. I have been experiencing feelings of detachment, unreality, and extreme depression, and have been having constant panic attacks. I have missed a week of school. My mood fluctuates, but the fear never goes away. I have attributed part of this to the fact that I had a really bad menstrual period this month and my hormones were probably out of whack. It's true that it started just before my period, and just as my period ended (yesterday), I have become way more functional (as in, I am able to write this without having a total anxiety attack).

So maybe I will just get better emotionally on my own from here on out, but I was wondering if I could get a spiritualist perspective to cope with the negative thoughts that keep triggering new episodes. My biggest woe is that I have really lost my love for nature and life itself: I spend most of my time sleeping, and have not gone outdoors voluntarily in a week. I am finding it hard to feel pure love like I used to, even toward my parents. I want to find a way to either get myself to disbelieve the idea of nonexistence after death (I am hard to convince because, like I said, I am very skeptical) or find a way to be at peace with it (as I used to be).

I would give more details (I can actually cite some minor happenings that may have set me off balance), but I actually have to go now. If anyone has experienced something similar, or thinks they can send me some advice or good energy (I do believe in interpersonal energy) or something, please do. I'd really appreciate it and love you forever if you could help me feel love again.

[Psilibus]

Existentialism does not necessarily cause depression. Usually it is just "depression". And I don't mean "just" depression. There are many things that can make you feel that way. Personally I would seek counseling. It would be a great place for someone your age to start because it could give you tools to use down the line. Feel like this once and it will most likely happen again. Of most concern would be thoughts to end your life. That is a severe warning sign. Advocate for yourself and seek help. I don't necessarily believe in antidepressants as far as medications but that is just me. There are many things though that you can do for yourself to help, one of which is get out of bed.

Journal. Exercise. Talk with friends. Post here. Listen to uplifting music. Get the heck out of your home and get into the outdoors. Sit by a quiet stream and listen to the birds sing. Cut down on school if you can. Make realistic plans for your summer. Pray to that God that doesn't exist. Take walks. Write down the things you love about yourself , friends and family. Exercise the positive attributes you know you have. Discover who your support system is and let them know how you feel. You are never really alone although it may feel at times that you are. The symptoms you describe are related to your biological "brain", you know, neurotransmitters and stuff like that. With increased positive stimulation your brain will respond positively. I don't think OBE or AP is a great thing to do when depressed. You could try some intensive meditative practice and biofeedback to exercise your mind and strengthen your imagination and will so that when you are ready you will be ahead of the game.

There is no such thing as nonexistence, it is not allowed. Since you are existent you might as well get used to enjoying it. Depression is difficult but not unbeatable. You sound like a spiritual person despite skepticism so try to understand why that is. Sometimes there are no answers so don't exhaust yourself looking for one. Breathe deeply. Crying can help.

Good luck. Take care. Exercise smiling muscles.

[LostSoul]

Thank you so much!

I actually have gotten significantly better since my period ended, which makes me think it was my hormones. I am still feeling a little existential, but I think it is really a combination of the way I was before and the residue of what I just went through. Either way, I have developed a more positive outlook on the same thoughts and have regained some of my open-mindedness. I went back to school to perform in the senior play, and my happiness with my own persistence is fueling my healing. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist for tomorrow morning, so that should tie up any loose ends that may still be hanging around. I appreciate your response a lot.

[Psilibus]

Happy to hear you are feeling better. Mood shifts like that can be scary, sneak up on you without warning.

Take care

[Jon_88]

I was one period a little depressed when in my teens due to existencialism or afraid of it ending to be more precise. It started in my biology class when we were told in lurid detail that all that we was and all the thoughts we had was just the goo mass we call the brain and it did it to survive. Well it lasted for years until i began with recreational marihuana  use. One batch had a strange effect on me and just me. I met god and one one point i thought i was god. Anyway the message i got and managed to remember was "find another way" wich i interpreted to mean i gotta find another way there because marihuana doesnt display the experience correctly. So i quit. But i now knew it was more than just flesh and bones to life. The rest is another story.