Hahaha

[kakkarot]

that was awesome do you want fries with that for sexual favours in accordance to the prophecy ~Rock Hard kakkarot []

[Fenris]

He he nice![]

I love to do things like this, the city is my playground. Try burning a cd with 2 tracks, the first being two minutes of silence, the second being well use you imagaination. Ma Na Na Na by skin is my preferance [] Then take your cd to a MYER, David Jones or any fancy department store, go to the demo stereos,insert the cd in the biggest system, crank the volume - PLAY - Walk away. Then giggle as the sales rep cant figure out which system its coming from because its so damm loud, at this point leaving the area is advisable. Or just walk around with a pacifier in you mouth and eat everything with your fingers...that works too. Of course its only fun if you have a like minded/ equally imature friend...I have plenty[]

I think its important to keep humanity on its toes!

regards
DaveRock

[jilola]

[V] I have done almost al of these things. But it's so fun for the messee to mess with people's minds and also beneficial to the messed.
Weird sentence but it'll do.

2cents & L&L
jouni

[Terry B]

Thanks, Nay. I'll meditate on that list and tell you my experience.

On the serious note if any of you here are staying with roommates, you might want to take the following 50 tips.

1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally.

2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.

3. Twitch a lot.

4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.

5. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.

6. Become a subgenius.

7. Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.

8. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.

9. Speak in tongues.

10. Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely.
Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he
owns to the ceiling.

11. Walk and talk backwards.

12. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the
middle of your room. Number them.

13. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If  your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than meets the eye"

14. Recite entire movie scripts (eg. "The Road Warrior," "Repo Man,"
Casablanca,") almost inaudibly.

15. Kill roaches with a monkey wrench while playing Wagnerian arias on a kazoo. If your roommate complains, explain that it is for your performance art class (or hit him/her with the wrench).

16. Collect all your urine in a small jug.

17. Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring you food.

18. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are

19. Ask your roommate if your family can move in "just for a couple of  weeks."

20. Buy as many back issues of Field and Stream as you can. Pretend to  masturbate while reading them.

21. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.

22. Eat glass.

23. Smoke ballpoint pens.

24. Smile. All the time.

25. Collect dog excrement in baby food jars. Sort them according to what you think the dog ate

26. Burn all your waste paper while eying your roommate suspiciously.

27. Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trash can.  When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that s/he reimburse you.

28. Leave a declaration of war on your roommate's desk. Include a list of  grievances.

29. Paste boogers on the windows in occult patterns.

30. Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while his/her back is turned, and then look away quickly.

31. Dye all your underwear lime green.

32. Spill a lot of beer on his/her bed. Swim.

33. Buy three loaves of stale bread. Grow mold in the closet.

34. Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate's closet. Accuse  him/her of stealing it.

35. Remove your door. Ship it to your roommate's parents (postage due).

36. Pray to Azazoth or Zoroaster. Sacrifice something nasty.

37. Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up. Announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for  three weeks.

38. Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Refuse  to discuss them.

39. Paint your half of the room black. Or paisley.

40. Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with  "Didja ever wonder why...." Be creative

41. Shave one eyebrow.

42. Put your mattress underneath your bed. Sleep down under there and  pile your dirty clothes on the empty bedframe If your roommate comments, mutter "Gotta save space," twenty times while twitching  violently.

43. Put horseradish in your shoes.

44. Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain  loudly that you can never find the book that you want.

45. Always flush the toilet three times.

46. Subsist entirely on pickles for a week. Vomit often.

47. Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovic's "Pennsylvania Polka," and play it at  least 6 hours a day. If your roommate complains, explain that it's an  assignment for your primitive cultures class.

48. Give him/her an allowance

49. Listen to radio static.

50. Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon as you wake up.

Okaay, so this is hardly original but everyone is entitled to my opinion. []

[Nay]

*Grabbing stomach, wiping tears*

NO....No more please...I can't breath.....

Thanks Terry! I love it!  []

[)] Nay.

[PeacefulWarrior]

* DEEP THOUGHTS * by Jack Handy

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.

When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw bonk you, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill.

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."

Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games.

I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground. That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even feel it.

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.

I bet when the neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows." Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.

Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaught on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man."

Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out.

The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys. But this one little boy had gotten an old enema bag and filled it with rocks, and he would go around and whap the other children across the face with it. Man, I think my heart almost broke. Later the boy came up and offered to give me the toy. This was too much! I reached out my hand, but then he ran away. I chased him down and took the enema bag. He cried a little, but that's the way of these people.

I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.

I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.

I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I helped skin Bob."

I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a good idea to say, "I swallowed it. So sue me."

If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a coward.

I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know.

We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.

Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.

I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!

Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.

[Nay]

Just when I thought it couldn't get better !!

By the way my kids think their Mom has LOST it!

Jack Handy Rules!  

Keep'em coming.....[] Nay.

[Squeek]

Insanity is easy.  Just yell alot.  That's about it.  Usually if you speak in tongues alot that helps too.  Gibberish is your friend!

Take it from me, the insane 17 year old with no life.

~Squeek

[Nick]

Nay,

Very funny stuff. Starting tommorow, my garbage can is going on my desk...in acordance to the prophecy...

Very best,

[Nay]

[]  Thanks Nick!  I will admit I did the post for selfish reasons....I REALLY needed a good laugh...And the wonderful people of this site have not let down...

Ya'all Rock!

P.S. Don't stop..I am [  ] < this close to peeing my pants!!
   Ok, It's not a goal or anything..[] Just according to the
   prophacy.

[)] Nay.

[Terry B]

I shows tips no 48 to my roommates but so far he hasn't shown much interest to it.

[Spirit_Gurl]

number 42 made me lagh for 5 minutes strate! no joke, according to the prophecy!

love, stone cold steve tia

[Squeek]

SQUEEK's Top Ten!

10. Umm...
9.  Well...ya see...The thing is...
8.  YEA!
7.  How ya doing.
6.  So.......How bout them Mets?
5.  Backwards talking am i now!
4.  Lookit me go..Whee..
3.  So..You like...stuff?
2.  *takes sip of Vanilla Coke*
1.  What was the question again?

~Squeek

[Terry B]

Are you mentally ill? This might help you figure it out...

*****************************************************************************

IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ THIS FIRST:  If you answer "yes" to two or more of the following items, there is a great chance that you may be suffering from manic depression or another mental illness. If this is the case, please, print out this page and take it to your doctor! Remember, it is you and you alone who really knows yourself well enough and can answer these questions in a totally honest and open manner. Cheating will only hurt yourself and those who are "sane" and need to live with you! It is your health and wellness, an important issue, so please take your time






* You can achieve a "Runner's High" by sitting up.
* The sun is too loud.
* Trees begin to chase you.
* You can see individual air molecules vibrating.
* You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V.drip solution of espresso.
* You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption of coffee.
* You can hear mimes.
* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
* You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.
* Things become "Very Clear."
* You ask the drive-through attendant if you can get your order to go.
* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
* You begin speaking in a language that only you and Chandeliers can understand.
* The less sense matter and matter is more than sense.
* You keep yelling "STOP TOUCHING ME!!!!" even though you are the only one in the room.
* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
* Your heart beats in 7/8 time.
* You and Reality file for divorce.
* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
* You can skip without a rope.
* It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.
* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
* You can travel without moving.
* Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition.
* You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.
* You have an irresistible urge to bite the noses of the people you are talking to.
* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
* Losing your mind was okay, but when the voices in your head quieted, it was like losing your best friend.

******************************************************************************


The list is somewhat disturbing, and revealing. []
It's from http://mentaljokes.com/manic_test.html

[Nay]

I AM OUT OF PRINTERS INK..LOL!! []

Nay. []

[panabelle]

TOP 50 THINGA TO DO IN A FINAL EXAM THAT DOESN'T MATTER (as in you're failing anyway)

Sorry they aren't numbered, but it wouldn't copy and paste that way and I cannot be bother according to the prophecy.

Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
Bring cheerleaders.
Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max level.
On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
Bring pets.
Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..).
Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "The Heck with this!" and walk out triumphantly.
Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink)
Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day. Especially if they are the same sex.
Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
Go to an exam for a class you have never gone to, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Rikki Lake is on!!!"
Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.
From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.
Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.
Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're getting kicked out!) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
One word: Wrestlemania.
Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.
Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".
Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxx Sucks"

[panabelle]

Sorry these are so long but I couldn't resist...

TOP TEN WAYS TO FREAK OUT YOUR ROOMMATE

10. Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, "He just didn't belong."

9. Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.

8. Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "It's spreading, it's spreading!"

7. Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon... "

6. Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

5. Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

4. While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

3. Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich!?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.

2. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes.

Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"

1.Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer!"

[Nick]

Actual News Headlines from the last year:

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Is there a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

[beav31is]

* You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.
* Things become "Very Clear."
* You and Reality file for divorce.
* You can skip without a rope.
* You can travel without moving.

oh excrement I must be crazy

wait a minute I like being crazy... nevermind

[Nay]

I just thought we needed something to laugh at...the mood around here as gotten...well...moody..

How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and
  point a hair dryer at passing cars.  See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom.  Dont disguise your voice.

3. Everytime someone asks you to do something ask if they want
  fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk label it "in"

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks.  Once everyone has
  gotten over their caffine addiction, use espresso.

6. In the Memo field of all your checks, write "For sexual favors"

7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance to the phophecy"

8. Dont use any punctuation marks.

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Ask people what sex they are.  Laugh hysterically after they
   answer.

11. Specify your drive-thru order is "to go"

12. Sing along at the Opera.

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14. Put mosqito netting around your work area.  Play a tape of
   jungle sounds all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their
   party because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, "Rock
   hard Kim"

17. When the money comes out of the ATM scream "I won! I won! 3rd
   time this week"

18. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot,
   yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!!"

19. Tell your children over dinner, "due to the economy, we are going
   to have to let one of you go."

   And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity...

20. Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they
   sent it to you or asked you not to send them stuff like this.

I hope I made atleast a few people smile..[]

[)] In accordance to the prophecy, Nay.