Disturbing Past Life Experience

[Lostlight2013]

Let me start by mentioning that i had one of the closest conscious projections yet, so i feel like here soon, i'm not sure how soon, i'll be joining you folks on the Astral consciously! However, i'm not here for that, i had the intentions of learning about a past life last night. So during my attempt i focused on the intention on learning of a past life, even though i fell asleep, i feel like i had a semi conscious projection or just a VERY vivid dream...or nightmare rather. Well, i got what i asked for and i'm not very happy about the experience i received, however i'll look at it with an open mind. Anyway...here goes.

This life time was relatively close to our current era, i had a strong urge telling me it was the early 70's. I was a man, in my early 30's, i had brown hair that kind of waved down to my jaw bone, it was kind of glossy. (Complete opposite of my hair now) but for some reason i was terribly nervous. I could feel a semi wet clump in my jeans back pocket, but it felt like it was supposed to be there so i didn't pay it any mind.

Well, time fast forward instantly and i was at this womans house and we were wrestling each other. She was desperately fighting me and i was getting angry (it was strange because it was like i felt the emotions but at the same time i felt how i felt from an outside perspective, which was sick to my stomach). I knew what i was doing and it disgusted me down to the core, however, i continued to watch.

I pulled the wet clump out of my back pocket and held it tightly to her face covering her mouth and nose. She fought it for a second but eventually as she almost passed out from lack of oxygen, she breathed in and as she did i could feel the burning sensation in my nostrils and lungs.

Time fast forwards again and i'm over her naked body stricken with fear, she's dead and i'm pushing on her chest to try and bring her back but i can't. I didn't intend for her to die, i grab my things and run. Time fast forwards again.

I'm with my uncle and he's connected to this situation some how, i don't remember how or why but he was connected, the attitude and feeling i got from him was that he participated somehow. I on the other hand was mortified, i felt so disgusted with myself. My uncle stops at this apartment complex, we were in an old 70's truck, possibly a ford or chevy and he say's he'll be back and he leaves. I think this is where we lived because my mom was there too. When i saw her i broke down and confessed to everything i had done. Time fast forwards.

I'm in prison and i feel better. I have friends, these friends feel like family. There's a cast of different people in my life, some hate me for what I've done. (My crime was even considered vile among other murderers and thieves). Others though saw me for who i was, i never lied about what i'd done and they saw that i was truly sorry. I don't know what happened to my uncle from that point, i just lived my life 1 day at a time.

At this point everything became a little blurry and i woke up. I sat in bed and pondered the idea that just played in my mind. I replayed the dream over and over and over and as i did, some of it made sense into my life today. I LOVED documentaries about prison and i always got a strange feeling when i was near one, even being miles down the road from one it's like i could FEEL the energy from it. I've always been interested in murder cases like "The First 48" or really any other murder documentaries.  But most importantly, i HATE hurting people, like physically hurting people. If i hurt someone i'm filled with so much pain and sadness and i never really quite understood why. I mean, when i was a kid and was getting picked on by the school bully, i was the kid that cried for hitting the kid back.

So, long story short, if my dream is correct. I was a rapist and a murderer in my past life or 1 of my past lives, i was convicted and died fulfilling the sentence i was given.  As disgusting and horrifying the experience was to see myself in that light, it was also very memorable and eye opening. I was a little nervous about sharing this experience with you all, because of the obvious manner of the experience. However, it's given me interest in not only knowing more past lives but also, learning more about this previous sojourn. Who was i? Who was my victim? Has she forgiven me? Was there more than 1? What manner of life led me to this lifestyle? I hope i can revisit this life in more detail and answer these questions.

I'm sharing this with you because although it was a terrible situation, it was still a beautiful experience. I hope you guys don't look at me in a certain light because of it or judge me in a certain way. It felt like visiting this part of myself was a strange reunion, bringing myself closer to myself. I hope you guys enjoyed my experience, i didn't particularly ENJOY it, however it was good in it's own ways.

[Szaxx]

I'd consider it a lesson.
The whole experience felt very clear and real, far more than a normal dream?
Who/what you are is at a point of realisation where things will change on some issues that you feel trapped in. It may be sexually related in some way too.
What this lesson suggests is you are essentially trying to get away from some old beliefs or ways in life that you really dont like. These may well have been forced upon you too. You already realise this and it looks like you'll do well.
Something is hampering you at present and this issue needs to be resolved sooner than later for you to put things behind you.

You need to read the above and apply it to your changing personality. It should make some sense.

[Lostlight2013]

Yeah it was very vivid. When i have these extremely vivid dreams, i like to count them as partial astral experiences, 'semi conscious'. Because everything around me is clear, i'm clear minded and i can comprehend what's going through my mind like thoughts and emotions, i just have no control. Almost like i'm a passenger and someone else is driving the car and i'm just looking out the passenger window like "Ahhhh". Most of the experiences I've posted have been these "semi conscious" experiences. I think only 3 of them were 100% conscious projections where i had absolute control.

It was like i was viewing it from 2 different perspectives, during the murder i was watching it from a 3rd person perspective, i watched all the way up to the point where he...or i...was trying to revive her. Then everything else was first person, from running into my mom and telling her everything to being in prison, all of that was 1st person. Like i mentioned earlier, there were moments where the events fast forward which was out of my control. However, each time it stopped, everything was just as clear as it had been and i was 100 certain of my surroundings, emotions and thoughts at the time. It was like being me....but not being me. Like i was reliving a past life experience. That's why i labeled it as i did.

Maybe it was just a dream but if it was, i don't understand why i'd have these thoughts while sleeping? I went to sleep actually in a very good mood (Excited about having a very close conscious projection, actually felt my consciousness shifting OOB before i got excited). Also, i'm about as docile as it gets. If i can avoid conflict of any kind, i'll avoid it. Only time i get even semi violent is when someone is in danger, even then i'm not out to kill

I don't know, it's so confusing lol. I mean, being an astral traveler is not only a goal of mine but more of a dream. When i first learned about it i just KNEW it was something i had to pursue. So, i accept all experiences that come my way, good and bad. It's just hard to perceive myself in that kind of light (Spiritually speaking i mean of course...not saying im going to go on a murderous rampage. But to even consider that in 1 lifetime i may have BEEN sadistic...shocks me.)

[Astralzombie]

I actually felt the same you do right now after some experiences in which I believe I was shown some past lives. I was a really baaad dude, if true. It was hard to reconcile the past acts with who I believe I am today. The good news is that this is evolution of consciousness. We can't just learn to be compassionate. We have to have bad things happen in order to learn and evolve from them. There is no catalyst for change in a static environment. Basically, someone has to be the bad guy and the chances are if we really do have many past lives then we have all been murderers, rapists, abusers, etc.

This is no comfort to someone who has been hurt and I would never recommend trying to use this rationale with the average person but it has helped me. It is also no excuse to do what you want because you're just helping someone else evolve afterall. If that's the case, you haven't evolved at all.

[Jessica_Lynn]

Wow .. after becoming familiar with some Dolores Cannon recently she advised that when we die we judge ourselves, and we experience our wrong doings through the perception of others - the victims if you will.
Perhaps this is what you've done willingly! Very interesting indeed, I hope you're okay with it all.

[Lostlight2013]

To be honest, at first i was a little unsettled. It was a bit disturbing to view myself from that kind of perspective, as i stated above i'm about as docile as they come. Hell i get sad whenever i accidentally hit an animal on the road with my car!  Overall however, as a little time has past, i'm ok with it. I'd like to learn more whenever i find my key to consciously leaving my body, maybe there's a way i can make amends in this lifetime? Or i was also thinking about attending some Past Life Regression Therapy and seeing if possibly i can be brought back to that particular life time.

All in all, it's still a very interesting experience. My whole goal into astral projection is to learn about who i really am, doing anything i need to do to  evolve spiritually. This includes reliving past experiences that may not have been so good!

[Raymond]

fascinating experience LostLight! Thanks for sharing it musn't have been easy to share that story....

I don't know much at all about past life experiences. Are their any rules as to who you used to be? I mean could you have been literally anyone from any country?

Thanks,

[Lostlight2013]

Well, all i can say was it was based entirely off of perception. However, I felt like it was a life i lived in America, as i said mid 70's. The truck i was in was American made, or seemed to be. More importantly it just FELT like it was America and that was the time period i was living in. There wasn't an LED sign or anything with an arrow stating where i was, it was just a feeling . I'm sure throughout my adventures i'll be posting another past life whenever my consciousness decides i need to experience them.

If i were to put the experience under a microscope and study it, which i most definetly have, the experience can give some insight to the way ive always been, even as a child.

1.) Being incredibly nervous around women, especially those i find attractive - I've ALWAYS had this problem since as long as i can remember, i find it hard to keep eye contact and even harder to engage in conversation without looking like a blubbering idiot. If i were to compare this problem to my "Past life", i would say it's because in my past life not only did i hurt a woman or more (i'm uncertain as to how many i affected) but also the last years of my life were spent in a prison, so that would say that i was around nothing but men. So perhaps it was a residual transfer, something that came with me in my sojourn on this life cycle. 

2.) The desire NOT to cause pain - I find it incredibly hard to engage in conflict. I hate seeing hurt that i've caused, almost to the point of tears. Gathered from my "Past life" i feel like the pain of taking life, especially the way that i did, affected my soul DEEPLY. So much that the memory of the pain passed on to this life. So when i cause pain, i feel it 20 fold.

There are more tendencies that seem to correspond to this experience that i'd rather not share, getting a bit too personal in my current life haha! However, it was a valuable insight into why i've been the way i was in this life, even from a child.

[Szaxx]

Overall, would you say that experiencing this physical incarnation is a learning exercise?
It's correcting previous lives errors through experiencing these in an opposing mindset, that sort of thing.

[Lostlight2013]

Definitely. After i got over the shock of the experience i took it in and learned everything i could from it. I dont look at myself in a negative light because of it, whatever i was then isn't who i am now.