Messages

My head has been penetrated for some time now.

MY aura is black, and from what Nita says, they've invaded my spinal cord and have access to my nervous system. They block all the light I try to bring in, have access and control over my chakras, and zip and unzip me at will...no need for psychic attack to gain entry to me. They just dive in and it's done.

I wish I could tell you how to stop it. They block all my attempts. (imagine a you as a cop fighting with a crook that is vying for control over your gun).

Funny, I've been trying to think myself to die for close to three years now, with no luck, I'm still here.

If I took things out of context I'd win every argument too. What was it my logic prof called it, making something unfalsifiable...philosophy with the closest attributes being the Nazi party.

Your ego does all the work and you assume all the credit for it...unashamedly so.

The arguments are getting circular and contradictory.

True, to a point.

You're concentrating on the concept as if the door swings one way...only you create the hologram. The door swings both ways. Did it ever occur to you to wonder how an entity views you (are you their holographic projection) and did it ever occur to you to wonder what would happen if said entity set it's mind on making you their version of reality?

Your personal reality exists as long as people agree to respect and reinforce the boundaries which allow your personal reality to exist to begin. That can disappear at any moment (ask any Jew, Cambodian, Rwandan, or Croat...someone denied their reflection existed or even mattered. Is there any difference between an energy with a physical body and one without). 11Sept should have made that obvious. Suddenly your personal reality is not only not recognized it is deliberately shattered to turn you into the reality belonging to another.

Do you believe you're all powerful, that your capacity to create your holographic view of the world is not dependent on the cooperation and respect of "other"? Is the world just "self"? You don't believe you could be someone else's hologram?

There is a spark of truth in what you say. Any belief system begins with "self" and evolves to "other". You're only concentrating on "self". Start concentrating on "other."

Hatemongers...

You will choose a lesson and get a high off of the power you recieve, instead of getting a high off of people. You stay outside of creation and act as if you're not a part of it, then claim you are. Don't worry, I'm leaving, thank you.

You aren't going to be able to walk away from this forever. I'm going to drag the spotlight on this mentality. Challenging something doesn't make a person a victim, and guess what, challenging you and not taking the spot light off of you doesn't take your choices away. You still have them, you still have free will, there are still consequences, and you are still responsible for them.

Needing support occasionally isn't being a victim, it's being human.

You think you're defensive now...

Talk to Nita,Nita Hickok [nita@astralpulse.com]

She requires a picture of your friend.

Tell your friend to be wary of Psychics and their intentions "help."  I am in debt because of the previous
two idiots who "helped" me. It cost me close to $40,000 over the
course of 3 years and even involved me buying one of the two women a
1998 Jeep Grand Cherokee. My value as a person meant nothing. The
woman who drove the jeep did so without a license and without
insurance and the jeep was always in my name. Anytime I objected, I
was told that I was hurting their feelings (apparently having their
feelings hurt was a greater crime than leaving a person to die at the
hands of these things). If I persisted, I was told, "Well fine, then I won't help you next time, and your father/brother/mother/you will be
in a coffin. I don't have to do this and our lives have been hell ever since we met you." That was why I bought them the jeep. There was no
concept of respect or compromise or self sacfrice (I did all the
sacrificing). It was, buy us the jeep or we won't save your family).
Not knowing this happened to others, or where to go to get help, I
thought I was stuck with them. Being faced with descisions that had
the appearance of immediate crisis (you're father is going to die if
you don't do this) was why I stayed with them and it was a positive
energy force that finally broke me away from them last Feb. I have
forgiven them because I suspect similiar entities entered their lives
when they were 13...I don't think they knew any better. Their lives
are now being tortured by these entities. But I'm financially ruined.
I have $5000 I am paying off on my credit card, I have a car that is
$5000 worth more than the actual sticker price (I had the jeep and my
original, nearly paid off car traded in for a 2002 Dodge Neon. What a
rip off), and I owe money to my family. I had to take a home equity
loan of $5000 to pay these two women (i paid that loan off twice). I
refinanced the loan into my mortgage. When I had to sell my house to
return to the East Coast, the refinancing cost me. The Sellers bid
came short of the price required to get rid of the house. My father
took $5000 out of his retirement to help me get rid of my house. He
then gave me an additional $1600 to help me procure an apt here on the
US East Coast. It's not free money, I have to pay them back. I
am 30 years old, and everything is gone, my retirement, my life
savings. I don't want to say I have nothing, people from work donated
furniture to me when I told them how tight a life I was
living...that's more than what a lot of people have going through this
experience. But as of right now, I am living paycheck to
paycheck.

This is not an isolated incident. There are many, many people out there who have given up everything because they thought they had to, because they were desperate to save a loved one who was suffering, because some entity told them they were holding their unborn miscarried children hostage...etc. It's disgusting and the thing you have to realize (as it is in my case) the exorcism may only be partially successful. It may not get rid of them entirely. So you're stuck in a fear ridden cycle of supply money (large amounts) for dopey thing that is ineffective. The fear those two nitwits instilled in me to keep me from questioning them broke me down further, that's why these jerks have as much free room to roam with me now. I was so much stronger before all this happened...and now it's so much harder to fight.

Just on a whim, I went to two psychics just this past Sunday to compare. Half their information was correct, the other half was grossly obvious it was neg tainted. The one women wanted another $5000 (she went out of her way to make me feel as helpless as possible...it was disgusting). The other asked $500, until I told her my story. Then she told me to never give money to psychics on this problem again.

Nita only asks for a donation (YOU SET THE AMOUNT). She does this work as charity and asks for charity in return.

Hate to say it, but your friend is describing what I experienced. Is she having problems feeling her emotions, like her emotions are forced? Emotions should pass and leave when you feel them, mine are always stuck. Does she feel like her emotions are off balance? Is she having difficulty defining boundaries (does she treat a petty situation like someone just committed murder)?

Print this out and show it to her.

I'm not worried about the greys at all...they are the absolute least of my worries.

My main concern is with these jet black things, the tall black robed ones and the earthbound entities that just can't get over their hate for me. In a nutshell...during the "data download" I experienced in Feb that basically broke me away from these things I given information. How I was given that information was by being forcibly channeled (I don't think any positive energy had a choice...things had to get really bad before they could intervene...it got REALLY bad). Due to the extremely bad communiation problems between 3D and above, all the information was presented to me through story that I (wince) had to act out. I was awake for 2 weeks straight, I ate maybe three days during that time, very little water...at one point I was so desperate to go to sleep I drank four WATER glasses of cream sherry between 12:00AM and 6:00AM...never went to sleep, never got drunk, didn't even get a hang over or throw up. I might as well have been drinking water because I stayed sober the entire time.

Now I'm going to go into detail about who might be on my case.

If you're not stable, you're coming here looking only for someone to help you, PLEASE DON't READ THIS. I wouldn't wish these things on anyone, and the last thing I want is someone accidentally attracting them b/c they read this and got freaked and...Oh look who's here.

I ended up in a hotel room (don't ask) and as I'm in this hotel room, I'm being introduced to the monstrosities who very admittedly want to see me suffer as herrondously as possible and then slit my throat.

The first one brought to me was an old European King (not a major one as far as I know). Someone I used to be married to, apparently. Very abusive, very cruel and sadistic. He controlled my crown chakra. The next male kept asking me, "Why didn't you love me?" I had no answer, had no idea what he was talking about, and feeling terrified alone in a hotel room with him, I was trying to figure out how to get rid of him without him harming me. Then a voice off to the side said, "He's a serial killer." Then I got floods of pictures of industrial Europe, me as a woman walking home, being watched and didn't know it. I didn't make it home. This so called serial killer controls third eye. My throat chakra was controlled by an African American male I was married to at the turn of the 20th century. From what he said, I didn't make him feel like a man, so he murdered me and our baby. Ironically, I sought help before he did this. I told someone, he was going to try to kill me and our child. I wasn't believed. Heart Chakra,(might be wrong about this chakra, but the entity is very real, I was so frightened at the time I can't remember who's who with the remaining chakras). This entity is a child molestor AND I HAVE SEEN HIM. Every time I do, he's dressed as Santa Claus and has two little boys with him. This is a sick, perverted, extremely violent, entity (for those of you out there, no, I don't believe the two boys are relatives of yours. I've heard many people say they had entities tell them they're holding their holding their relatives hostage. They can't do that.). Out of all of them, this disgusts me the most. The three remaining males controlling my lower chakras are essentially abusive males I've been married to in a former like.

Then a group of women came forward and said, "We are the ones manipulating your emotional body." The one female in particular has told me she hates with a vengence, feels jealously to the point of causing me harm. I don't know if this is past life or not. I have no clue what this woman could be jealous of.

Then the jet black leathery skinned entities came forward and said, "We are the ones manipulating your mental body and depleting your spirit."  I also suspect that they're the ones controlling my ability to visualize, feel light, use my abilities, and to think clearly (seem to enjoy making me forget how to do things like write my name, add, etc).

Then another group of earthbound entities came forward (are you getting tired yet, trust me I was). Each of them alledgedly had some beef with me from a past life. There were a pair of Mandarin Chinese who claimed I was a former Chinese Emperor that sentenced their entire family to death for betraying China to her enemies.

I am not going any further. I could do this for a while. Resolution to my situation is not as simple as, don't put people to death for betraying the motherland or they might come after you in another life. I have a purpose in beiing here, and I know I can do something that could potentially impact the lives of many people and help them. These things not only do not want to see me succeed, they want me to suffer as much as humanly possible for even considering helping people on a mass scale.

Eventually I got out of the hotel, found myself back in my house, and lying on my living room floor. A male grey was there (could sense him not physically see him). He said to me, "There's one more entity you need to know about." He tapped the floor, and out of my stomach came a 10-12 ft tall black robed entity. The grey said to me, "He'll always come after you. Every time you face a hardship in life, if you get married, if you have children...everything you try to creat, he will try to destroy." It was explained to me that this black robed thing and I were old enemies.

To be honest, I appreciate the support many of you have given me, but if can't tell from what I've described above, the greys are the ABSOLUTE LEAST of my concerns of worries.

Telling them to go away won't help. They hate me too much and are too hell bent on accomplishing their goal. I sat in a church with an Aunt and Uncle and they were their during the mass as the Priest was blessing the bread and wine. They said, "So, you thought you'd be safe here, huh." The Holy Water and Incense helps a little, but I've seen them charge through it to get at me.

I've had to compromise a lot to stay alive (I'm seeing other people have had to as well). I don't know if there are some of you out there that know what it's like to compromise and compromise and receive no light in return...not because of a failing from God, but because of a failing of people (GOD HAS NEVER FAILED ME). It'd be nice if people asked individuals like me what's already compromised, instead of assuming "It's there and I'm just too lazy or angry to use it." This is a 24/7 fight, and I'm so sorry if I'm human and can't stay strong 24/7. I'm so sorry if I have to ask help sometimes and it inconveniences your life so damn much. You have to be so patient with other people who claim they're trying to help. But it's like you can't expect that patience in return. There is no attempt at making a realistic approach to overcoming this. PEOPLE MAKE MORE ATTEMPTS AT MAKING REALISTIC APPROACHES TO DIETS TO EXCERCISE PROGRAMS THAN THEY DO TO THIS EXPERIENCE. You can't walk away from this, it doesn't care if you have a job, or bills, or a family, or if you need a vacation. There's no rest. For time for self. You end up compromising so much, self doesn't even exist anymore.

Many of you out there don't know the difference between treating someone as "other" and treating someone as "extension of self." That is the lesson you are failing to learn. Why don't you acknowledge the needs and stresses of others, why don't you check to see if someone can visualize, open their chakras, or if they're being stopped (have some of you read Bruce's book?! The way you talk, I'd say no).

Why aren't you getting a backbone, putting your foot down and saying, THIS IS WRONG! Why is it left to the person being assaulted only to say THIS IS WRONG. Wouldn't the reiforcement create more light and defeat this darkness?

And yes...

I have THE BOOK. I have incense, oil, and copious amounts of Holy Water which I not only use to bless my dwelling and sleeping area but also to drink, bless my food, bless myself.

They have access to my emotions (my emotions don't pass they look they should. There's no release, so they're held onto whether I want them to or not). They concentrate  a lot of power over my capacity to visualize, control my chakras, my ability to physically relax, to think clearly. I haven't felt light in 5 years. I don't remember what my emotions feel like, and can't remember what light should feel like. Robert is right, the attacks are very complex and highly organized, and the parts of me being attacked are the parts I would use to carry out some of the things in Mr. Bruce's book. I can't be hypnotized, can't dream anymore, can't reach a meditative state.

I need help.

What have I been through...
Here is a copy of an email I sent out to a variety of MUFON organizations in the states. It's long so, enjoy if you're bored. The greys are not the ones harming me. They're ET looking things. There are two things going on here.

Hello,

I am writing with regards to a concern I have. It's happened to me and I am starting to hear that my experience is not as isolated as I thought or hoped. THIS IS NOT A TYPICAL ET CONTACT story,  my image of MUFON concerns more concrete phenomena (remnants of UFO landing sites, scars and injection marks on contactees body's, UFO sightings, etc). I know I might be asking a lot of some of you, because this story revolves around the more spiritual/energy type experience.

I PLEASE ASK THAT YOU RESPECTFULLY TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY! This has potentially cost people their lives and it needs to stop. I'm looking for someone with a backbone to help me accomplish this.

Story is as goes:

Typical contactee/abductee response...I always felt different, like I had something I needed to accomplish. I wasn't better than anyone else, just felt I knew how to bring out the best in others. It was often hindered by an abusive childhood and very strange luck. It was like anytime anything good happened me, it would be followed by something extremely bad. Never failed. If I'd win say $100, something would break and the cost would be $95. It never failed, even as positive an attitude as I had. I tried to believe that it was good fortune subsiding bad fortune, but come on...every time!

I was interested in the UFO topic but did not think I was a contact, likewise, I also believed in psychic ability, but it happened to other people. That all changed in 1993. March 1993, my grandmother died of brain cancer. The night she died, I went from being dead asleep to wide awake and alert with the words "Grandma is dead, grandma is here with me," falling out of my mouth. I felt a compulsion to "got to your father." Being that I was in the middle of my chemistry major, and very western minded at the time, I went back to sleep. Later that morning my father called to tell me that my grandmother passed away several hours earlier that morning. Almost a week after burying my grandmother, it all started.

I began going to bed at night, and upon shutting my eyes (and seeing through them...something Robert Bruce calls real time sight) I would see short, shadowy figures standing around my bed and a pressured, electric sensation moving through my legs and spinal column. This happened every night for a few nights with large almond shaped eyes staring back at me on occasion. I sensed presences in my room, would look at my bedroom door and think, "that's not my bedroom door," would feel "someone" rush up to the side of my bed, and would find myself falling asleep unusually fast. I also had:

- was going to get ready to go to bed one night and a question popped in my head, "What is your favorite animal?" I thought "Andy Panda." Sometime during the night, I started seeing through my closed eyelids. What I saw was my bedroom door open, and five or six panda's walking into my room. I thought quickly, those weren't panda's, and then everything went black.
-  While asleep I had a sensation of being vertical and falling back. Once I felt completely horizontal, I thought quickly and in a panic, "Someone's in my room." I woke up suddenly looked around and saw nothing.
- While watching a special on the Titanic (nothing UFO related, I want to make that clear) I felt a strong energy enter the room. I looked and saw what appeared to be half a person sticking up out of the floor. I got a sense of, "Oh she sees me" and watched as this shadow slide sideways and hide in the shadow of my rocking chair. Unnerved and not wanting to believe what I was seeing, I laid back down and tried to go to sleep. Several seconds later I had the clearest episode of real time sight I could have imagined. I saw a grey standing near me wearing something that looked like a hood or a veil (like the Virgin Mary's veil). I was startled, opened my eyes and looked around. I saw nothing. I tried shutting my eyes again and this time, saw a second grey, which seemed to turn his head as if to say, Yes, I'm real, see.
- Vaguely recall waking up in the middle of the night to a whirring sound in my room only to feel a force pin me back down, eyesight is suddenly lost, no memory after that.
- The most shocking for me...I used to read about UFOs and watched specials all the time. Pictures of greys never produced a sensation in me. Suddenly, after all this started, seeing a picture of a grey would make me jump.

But there was also something else happening around this time. I would see black forms floating near me and then away from me, and small human shaped, charcoal cloudy colored eyes staring back at me. I thought negative energies existed but wasn't afraid because at the time, my faith in God was strong and things came to me when I needed them.

John Mack's book came out in 1992, but I didn't read it until 1995 due to monetary issues (I was a broke college kid). I read the whole book in one sitting and felt freaked after I did. Suddenly I heard, "You are involved in this," and "You should be writing this down." Now realize, despite the weird experiences, despite wondering at the back of my mind if "they'll come tonight" or "I hope they'll come tonight," I did not believe I was a contact. I had no missing time, no mysterious scars, no UFO sightings, zip. I just had strange nocturnal experiences. Nevertheless, after reading Mack's book, I had the strangest compulsion to contact members of the UFO community about work I felt I was eventually going to be involved in...work that I felt had absolutely nothing to do with UFOs. UFOs were a pastime topic for me. But it was like I wouldn't have peace until I wrote those letters. So I eventually I did. I thought, what the hell, they'll read it get a good chuckle, then pitch them in the trash. I wrote the letters, laid them on my desk and went to bed. That night something very strange happened.

I had a "dream" where I was walking around a dungeon in dark blood red light. In the corner I saw a spider the size of a Volkswagen with an incredibly ugly looking expression on its face. Then suddenly I saw a web strung across a large entry way. In the center of the web was a man's torso (the lower half had been eaten by the spider). The light illuminated the inside of the man, and it looked like the internal organs had been torn to shreds. What made the scene all the more appalling was that the man was still alive, writhing in agony. Then I felt like someone was impressing upon me that the half eaten man in the spider web was my soul. The spider was eating my soul. I woke up and almost screamed. Looking around my room, I didn't see anything, but there was an odd energy different from the electric spine feeling I was accustomed to. It was hitting my gut, like I had been punched. There was as a sensation of intimidation I just couldn't place. Ironically, I felt myself falling back to sleep very fast. Next thing I knew, I'm in a new dream. I'm sitting in a lecture hall working frantically on a writing project. Surrounding me were pale, dead faced looking classmates. I needed help and turned to the professor for assistance. This professor was a tall (9-12ft) thin, old man wearing a black undertaker's suit. He wouldn't see me to help with my project, taking the other students in place of me. Finally I got angry, confronted the professor and demanded he help me. I'm five feet tall. This "person" bent over, got into my face, and said with smile, "What do you think you're doing, little girl, it's not like they're going to listen to you, why don't you quit while you're still ahead?" I woke up again to the punch in the gut feeling and an anxious energy in the air.

Despite the anxiety I sent the letters. Months later I would be in a similar predicament. After some research on my own "pet project" and learning a few new things, I soon felt the urging to write to the UFO community...yes, once again on a non-UFO related topic and feeling foolish in the process. I decided to do it. Once again the envelopes were placed on my desk as I went to bed. Once again, something happened as soon as my head hit the pillow. It started as a dream and turned into a weird abduction-type scenario. I was "saving people" by hiding them from Neo-Nazis that had taken over the world (very interesting if you knew what my original future plans were). I was eventually found and caught by the "neo-nazis." I was lying on table in some horrific place surrounded by several, short, jet black, leathery skinned, looking entities with bald human sized shaped heads, and charcoal cloudy colored eyes. They were going to do something to me along the lines Josef Mengele, like something really awful medically, and began working on my legs. Suddenly, these jet black things ran out and a group of greys came rushing in with a Nordic male. The lead grey leaned over to me and said, "Don't worry, we won't let them hurt you, we would never, ever let them hurt." I couldn't get up and walk out because of whatever was done to my legs so I was carried out. I remember us walking through a field on eventually onto a ship. Next thing I knew, I was lying on another table. The greys are rushing around the room and the Nordic male is standing near me. He bends over and says, "They're going to check you out to make sure you're all right, but the check has to be thorough, so we're going to have to put you out. I vaguely recall nodding my head yes (Yeah sure, this happens everyday). I blacked out there, and woke up in my bed.

After graduating college, and gaining independence from a horrible homelife through post graduate employment, I moved out on my own into an apartment. Things began to accelerate. I stopped sleeping in my own bedroom two days after getting my bed delievered. I kept feeling like I was going to see someone crawling in through the window in the middle of the night. I'd light incense and feel a strong, frightening, intimidating feeling flood the room. My psychic ability was also kicking in. Unable to be hypnotized, I tried meditating which also proved difficult for some unexplainable reason. I'd sit in a comfortable position with my back straight, and would feel energy travel up my spine up to my heart chakra. There was a powerful block at my throat, third eye and crown. They wouldn't loosen at all regardless of how I relaxed. I was told, "Oh, you're not relaxed enough," or "You got some fear to overcome with some lesson associated with this specific chakra." Granted, I had a not so pleasant childhood, and was working through some issues. But I successfully worked through those issues and gained more openess, learned more about myself, became a more creative person. The chakras still would not open. I'd relax to the point of falling asleep, and they got tighter not looser. I'd raise these questions with people I spoke to about meditation and I would get the same old lines. It would anger and frustrate the hell out of me. Why would they be getting tighter? Finally, one day, I decided to bring this energy up through my spine  and through the blocked chakras forcibly. The energy started going up, past my heart, some struggle at my throat, and finally I felt my third eye giving way. Suddenly, it was like someone grabbed hold of my third eye and forcibly screwed it shut, so hard and so fast I bent over in pain. I never could appropriately achieve a meditated state.

August 1997, Iwas visiting family and went to the beach. As I was ready to hit the surf, a voice popped into my head and said, you know, you might want to enjoy this as best you can, because you might not be able to enjoy again for a long, long while. I didn't know what that line meant, and would look back on it years later as see just how ominous it really was. Dec 31st 1997 came. Several minutes before midnight I felt horrbily depressed, like death was just around the door. I kept thinking why does this have to happen to me, and wouldn't understand why.

1998 came and things spiralled downhill. One day at work while prepping a sample, the world suddenly disappeared and I saw myself sitting atop a black table facing a grey. He said something to me and I got extremely anger at him screaming "F*** you, F*** you" at him. I didn't remember what he said to me though to make me so upset. I also didn't want to think about it any further.

I felt drained of energy all the time, felt presences, some that opened my chakras, some that shut them. I was equating it as all one energy. I It never occurred to me that more than one force might be at work. Finally it got to the point where I felt anxious all the time. I was experienceing psychic phenomenon and had no idea what was happening. Couldn't be hypnotized, couldn't reach a meditative state, and psychic abilities that seemed to be going haywire. I was born and raised on the East Coast, but a job my father got moved us out to the MidWest, surrounded by reformed Christians not open to this phenomenon. Most people who were open to this ability were underground and hard to find. The only available "help" was a Metaphysical Church nearby (before you ask, no they were not a cult. You don't have to belong to a cult to be irresponsible). Unable to get answers from anyone else, I made an appointment with their reverend for a reading. Stepping into the church I felt something strange. Confused, anxious energy that seem to tingle all around me. I didn't understand it at the time and my concentration was on the impending reading. And it was during the reading that she told me what I wasn't ready to hear. I was a contactee, and greys picked me up regularly. I asked about the incident where I was yelling at the grey. She said the greys took me by OBE, but on that particular incident, they wanted to bring my body up to the ship physically. I collapsed right there. After feeling like a prisoner during an abusive childhood, finding out that the greys were picking me up and wanted me physically on board the ship, it was like a death sentence. I felt all the energy leave my body and something else...my crown chakra blew open and energy was leaving my body at an accelerated rate. The reverend said she was being told that this was "completely normal and not to worry about it." I went home and threw up and didn't stop. anything I ate or drank was regurgitated for 2 weeks. The energy shooting out of my crown also lasted that long and after a while I could barely walk. I missed work for a few days and felt like I picked up on everyone's emotions whether I wanted to feel it or not. It seemed like the greys (or someone) was frantically trying to get through to me. ne night I woke up and my entire apartment was draped in a thick white fog. I saw flashing lights within the fog and immediately thought the greys. I remember trying to get away and falling to the floor too exhausted to move. I not sure how that night ended. I was on the couch and couldn't move and I thought for sure I was going to be dead the next morning. The phone rang but I didn't have the strength to get up and get the phone. I just let it ring. I forgot about the answering machine. It went on, and I heard the voice of a friend of mine who was calling just to see how I was doing. I started to cry, thinking I was hearing her voice for the last time and I couldn't get up to reach the phone and ask for help.

I remember sometime during this week, I tried going to sleep and looked at the clock. it was 7:28 PM. I don't remember falling asleep, I just remember suddenly seeing a face of what appeared to be a naked man, with a frozen expression of fear and a voice saying, "this is what an abductee is." It was strange because I woke up feeling so happy and didn't know why. The happiness didn't last. I found a message from another friend on my answering machine. The time stamp was 7:29 PM. I realized what must have happened and immediately felt depressed and anxious. Feeling near death, I went back to reverend at the Metaphysical Church, and I was told I wasn't a real abductee. I was something different. That perked me up. But I noticed I also had an unexplainable ability to "lose" my capacity to make positive associations and to feel empathy and beauty. I mentioned this to the reverend with the hope of feeling reconnected to life again. I got the opposite, she said, "So what they're just things anyway." All the sudden, it was like someone turned off a switch, and I couldn't feel any emotions at all. They were just gone. I lived like that for two years.

There is more to this story, but what I learned the hard way due to ignorance and a total lack of human compassion on the part of people I've sought help from is that I am under very severe attack by negative energies that have absolutely nothing to do with the greys. I tried getting help again from another set of women who were psychic, and I feel they may have been under the influence of these "things." They not only made matters worse for me, I nearly became bankrupt. They came from an old world culture, and used physical items to create what energy they needed. In the begining, i didn't have a problem with this. I was blessed with a good job and money, and like a lot of people think the money wasn't important, not more important than your life or happiness. So I gave, and the entities returned, and I gave more, and the entities returned. ANd in the meantime, I started realizing too late that these women were more reliant on the things than they were on faith and respect. I was not treated with respect, and was actually broken down little bits at a time every time I questioned them (it was like there was no such thing as personal responsibility, everything was feared, no one was to be trusted, I wasn't supposed to talk to anyone about this). The one girl went to some place isolated (she was directed to do so, the remaining one stayed with me). I think these things were channeling this girl I was with, giving her the information they wanted me to hear. Not understanding what was happening I didn't know how to fight back, and not knowing there might be anyone else that might be able to help me, I felt trapped. What I know now is this. My boundaries, everything that made me a human being was slowly being taken apart. It was like being trapped in a room and someone brings in a dog. They ask you what it is, you say, a dog. They say, no, it's a cat. You know damn well it's not a cat and you try to fight back. But you don't know how to fight back on something that should be so obvious. Eventually you're weathered down, you know the damn thing is a dog, but very slowly, you don't remember why it's a dog. Finally broken, weak, you concede and say, fine it's a cat. The person says no it's not a cat, it's a duck. You know what they're doing to you at this point, but you can't remember why it was so important to fight back. You can't remember why it was so important to cry over something so precious that was broken. All you hear is a constant screaming of agony inside your head. No, these were not cranks. They had good intentions with very bad results. The one girl I was with started sacrficing her own money, sacrificing rent payments and car payments, food for her children to help me. This past February, that all stopped when something powerful intervened, and I believe the greys might have been involved. I was forcibly channeled, ended up losing my job because they thought I went nuts, and was shown a portion of what was really happeneing. I left that girl and lost contact with her. Given that she was also attacked towards the end, I can only hope she is all right.

I thought I was the only one this happened to. I soon discovered I was wrong. Desperate for a job, I moved back to the East Coast and now reside here. While here, I've been told by people I've sought help from that this has happened to some abductees.

I am still being attacked by something powerful and I don't think I have much of an aura left to generate light. I'm very weak, very drained, and doing the usual recommendations by people against negative energies is ridiculous. It's like trying to say no to a rapist. I'm going to show you, as best I can, what I've been experiencing. When a person first begins encountering boundaries, things are usually polarized in black and white. Over time, as new boundaries are made/dissolved, it is discovered that situations can be varying degrees and shades of gray, not just black or white. Correct me if I'm wrong, but people begin making associations with their encounters to find which shade of gray, or extreme, the encounter belongs in. What I'm experiencing is this: I walk into an encounter that is hurtful or annoying in the norm of life. I try to feel where the boundaries belong and decide, "It's annoying, just brush it off and move on." Almost instantly I feel an impressed flood of emotion and a telepathic flash of "YOU WILL FEEL THIS!" I'm thrust into the extreme of taking a stupid matter very personally. I try to get out of it, but find there is no way I can clearly see any shade of gray. Then I do what many people do when trying to counterbalance bad behavior I go to the opposite extreme. But I can't get to the opposite extreme because, like the shades of gray, it's like a mental block goes up and I can't remember what the opposite is. Finally, after some pushing, I'm thrust to the opposing extreme. But I soon realize that even this extreme is incorrect for the situation. I try to feel the extreme I was just in, and realize once again, I can't remember what the other extreme felt like. Frustrated at the lack of freedom to feel something out and knowing the extreme I'm currently in is poor behavior, I shut down and feel nothing. It doesn't last. The lack of being able to freely feel anything boils over and turns into anger...something, which "whatever" seems to prefer. The anger becomes a fuel to take more little dopey things personally (and it feels "right" at the time), and the whole sick cycle begins again.

The associations are even worse. Whatever this negative energy is, they've been trying to associate this negative behavior with my identity ("See this is who you really are. Who's going to help you, who's going to believe you after the way you just acted?" Kind of ironic given that when I feel the flush to take things personally I'm "encouraged" to feel like I have the right to do it and take it to the highest extreme).  
     
This is happening to a lot of people and they are not getting the help they need. One of things that was forcibly channeled to me back in February was some disturbing message of, "this is what is going to happen in the future." I was shown abductees being forcibly channeled by negative energies. Unable to cope or to understand what is happening to them, they slowly start to break down. One contact fought back hard, was slowly whittled down, and then I barely felt his energy at all. Another contact tried to fix everything, save everyone. He was let down continously by people he sought help from. Over time, he grew weaker, and eventually, I couldn't hear him at all anymore. The third contact was a female. All I heard from her was a pathetic, weak dying whimper, "I can't think anymore." Because of all the negative energy channeling, people became like animals because they became more interested in saving their own hides than helping others. They just turned on each other like jackals.

I know better than to take any channeled material literally. But, as most counselors would admit, people's boundaries can get broken by anything, loss of a family member, an injustice, or a mass catastrophe. These things feed on pain and attack you as you're trying to form your boundaries. Without guidance and support, it's their negative logic that gets reinforced. This being the case, and know that the greys have been trying hard to warn us about something bad on the horizin. Isn't anyone the least bit concerned over what I have just described?

Please, a lot of people, myself included are getting hurt. I need someone to please listen to me, take me seriously, and take a lot of other people suffering from this seriously.

Please, I am so weak, have given so much, and not received anything back and the same is happening to a lot of other people.

Please read this.

OK,

If there are no abductees/contactees out there I can talk to, is there anyone stable and comfortable emough with this topic that I can talk to?

If the only way to defeat this evil is to become stronger than it, why isn't anyone addressing the needs of the emotional body? Why isn't anyone addressing the need for support to repair an extremely damaged psyche that these damn things feed on?

I'm hearing a lot about how people suffer from this experience are learning a lesson. To the people who think that, I ask, why hasn't it occurred to you that you also have a lesson to learn? What about your responsibilities, your actions that contribute to this phenomenon existing? When Jews were carted off to concentration camps, was the lack of humanity and death only their lesson? What about the people carrying out the death, or the people leaving them to die? WHY DON'T YOU SEE YOURSELVES AS A PART OF THIS LESSON? Do you check to see if you are you reinforcing and supporting the boundaries of the suffering to heal, or the evil causing this hell enabling them to inflict more suffering?

Why should Jews only have the responsibility of saying "Never again"? Why are the suffering always the ones who have to make the compromises no on else wants to make?