Messages

Hi, I've had many clairvoyant dreams where I was there at the scene. There's many things you've not mentioned so for now try to interpret this one.
'Dreammoods' is a good site to use, make sure how you were feeling is included. This gets lost if someone else just uses key items from the dream.
It signify change and at present it can be easy or difficult adapt to.
Take your time making notes first then interpret the keys on how you were emotionally at that time. This gives farire accuracy.

Hello Szaxx, thanks for the response. As for the dream, alright I will interpret the symbols I saw using the website you mentioned (I am also actually using another site called something like "auntyflo", since the meanings in that site also kinda scared me a bit haha, but I will use that particular site for the interpretation of the symbols and see what happens when I connect the dots), well I will do this once the exams are over, and I'll post the results here.

For now, as for the feeling I had in the dream, my emotional state and all that; while I was seeing I felt pretty neutral, or like, the usual feeling I have which is kinda neutral, when I am at social gatherings and parties (I'm not really a party-kind of person, and I do distance myself from crowds if I can help it since I find it mentally stressful and not relaxing at all due to the noise, and I usually love spending time alone or with a few handful of friends/family/loved ones and enjoying a serene, quiet and relaxing time).

Then when the small, localized typhoon came over and released those ominous symbols in the sky, what I felt initially isn't fear, but... excitement? A sort of a courageous feeling, like that "Me" in the dream is feeling really excited due to the thought of being able to "challenge" myself, to test my abilities to its utmost limit and grow more powerful in the process (since, again, we can only truly be strong and improve when met with some sort of resistance in any shape and form), as for desiring more power, I know from my own self, and even that "Me" in the dream, that what drives me is to be able to attain my goals (which concerns a lot of things, major and minor scale) as well as protect myself and those I care about and help others in need, and have a grand adventure in the Astral Planes and all that.

But anyways, during this entire event in the dream, I could actually FEEL as if "I" (this one typing all these right now) just got squeezed inside that "Me" in the dream, and my inner feelings were fear and anxiety for the safety of many people, but my "Body" in that dream feels otherwise; I have this sort of "Ok, bring it on!" kind of feeling the whole time, I could actually notice that I am smiling while looking at those ominous symbols, as if my fear is translated into excitement for battle (and I don't really get why I am so interested in Martial Arts and the art of battle and war when I myself am afraid of hurting other people, except maybe on extreme circumstances, but yeah), anyways after the event ended I felt kinda neutral, but this "Me" talking right now is getting confused on what to do to help others and save them of possible, while my body still gets this sort of rush of blood due to excitement...


In any case, the day mentioned in that dream I had just passed now, it's 2AM right now, Tuesday; what happened yesterday was nothing serious, except that it kind had this short localized rain showers.

And then during the day, here comes the interesting part; there were no major negative events; the only negative one was perhaps me accidentally peeling my skin near the side of my fingernail which did HURT, and bled a little. Anyways, yesterday, I saw an influx of synchronized numbers, 17:17, 19:19, 66, 77 and stuff, I also saw large amounts of numbers 6, 7, and 9.

I also looked at the news a few hours earlier and it seems a Typhoon has been detected and is expected to get here at Wednesday, and there were also strong winds and rain with lightning and thunders for a good 30+ minutes.

Also, if I am to take my analysis even further: coincidentally, the theme of the dream I described in this thread is about "Disaster"... what's interesting is that, I just found the time yesterday to read the newest Volume of one of my most favorite novel (considering it has already completed its translation to English months ago, I would normally immediately read it, but for some reason, I only found the chance and time to do so yesterday).

This Novel's newest volume is entitled "Itsuka Disaster", with its Prologue name being entitled "The Beast of Demise". Linking this here for those interested: https://www.baka-tsuki.org/project/?title=Date_A_Live#Volume_12_-_Itsuka_Disaster_.28Full_Text.29

Also, about this particular novel, its genre of magic, fantasy and action (aside from the Romance and Comedy party) usually revolves around Spirits (who are females) wielding powers which are based off of the Sephirot Tree (The Tree of Life) AND the Qlipoth, and this particular volume dealt with the main character losing control of the powers he sealed within himself; Spiritual Powers that have a sort of essence with the various Spheres of the Tree of Life...

The word "Disaster"... for some reason, this word is pointing me towards so many directions... and, pointing the various appearances of the numbers 6, 7, and 9 (which does look like an upside-down 6), as well as the numbers containing lots of 6 in my dream, especially 666; this number is also considered the "Number of the Beast" right? The "Beast", also seem to match on the Prologue title of the Novel, too, and then inevitably, the Sephirot and Qlipoth mystical themes attached to the whole story...

And now, I do know that some people might say I might be overthinking things, a side of me thinks so, too, but for some reason, the influx of these numbers I saw in the parking lot before we rode back home, finding JUST the right day and time to read that Novel which contains the word "Disaster" and "Beast" as well as its mystical themes; the Sephirot and the Qlipoth, makes me think there is some sort of message being relayed to me? I don't know what to make of all of these, it's very confusing and I have to admit that these are one of my current weaknesses right now; interpreting messages from the Spiritual Realm or other realms out there, and even if I go by "Feelings" as other people tell me, I usually find my ego inevitably tampering with the "Feelings" I get which just gets me confused.

Also about this typhoon that is coming to us; is it a wise decision to use Magick to influence the typhoon and gradually weaken it significantly while it's on the way here? Since I am being kind of paranoid... and the news even said it will affect the region of this country I am currently in, just like in the dream... but I am having second thoughts since... won't this action produce a sort of Karmic energy and then make the next typhoon that might come as double the strength of this current one? Or should I perform the weather influencing technique I have been using for a handful of years now (with noticeable effects) with the help of Sigil Magick to potentially prevent this typhoon from getting really strong? I'm really torn on both sides, like if I just have to let Nature do her work or interfere with it in order to prevent an uncertain future where a "Disaster" is possible?

Ugh, I don't know what to do...

Your recall can be improved if you are aware of yourself enough to wake slowly and remember the experience as you wake. You can get total recall by doing this.
There's so many different environments to experience in the non physical (NP) that fighting isn't normally a good thing if its out of sorts for the environment. This all depends on the reason for the battle. If fighting is the only way to solve the issue then so be it, you know this expectation though.
If it's saving locals from some terror and you succeed (a must do) then it may be a retrieval or a test of your mettle. That said, if you were only following a storyline with little self awareness, it will be a symbolic dream with messages for you. These need to be interpreted with the key characteristics and how you were feeling during the experience.
The top of the head thing can take many forms, I'd guess its an individual sensation. If its energy related or similar, I'm unsure, there's something going on. The thing that is apparent is everyone who has had this has progressed somewhat further into more challenging experiences.
After my first encounter I started to have clairvoyant dreams and a few years later retrievals started to increase in number and complexity.
Work on your recall first, the slow wake method is hard to do when the time up call is pulling you back. It can be done.

For an example of the details you can recall and a good experience.
http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/welcome_to_astral_projection_experiences/new_jericho_large_scale_retrieval-t42995.0.html;msg335266
You'll need an hour to read it all.

Hello. Yes, I always often get to remember most parts of my dreams clearly whenever I get to wake up without being in a hurry; such as being woken up by an alarm due to the need to go to school.

Oh and thanks for giving insights about this Astral Battle that I had. As for what I felt during the experience; another detail of what happened during that dream (or Astral Projection experience?) it actually all feels very real, during the time I was gazing at the lake from the sky, I could feel the cold, wet and misty texture of the clouds to my skin, and then to walking around the mountains surrounding the lake, meeting some locals, sitting on a chair and chatting with... other 2 or 3 people who seem to be females, and I have a feeling that I know them... anyways during that time, the giant burning rocks started to fall and I got annoyed since we were relaxing there, I also felt the need to stop the one causing those rocks to fall since the people will surely get injured if I don't (and they are already panicking that time too) so I charged into battle, and I think the other 2 or 3 people I was talking to that time were helping the people get to safety.

During the fight, I actually felt different, from the feeling of wanting to stop the being causing the rocks to fall, when I was in front of it, I was kind of in a "wobbly" kinda feeling, or a bit confused, since I never seriously fought anyone in life, even until this point, and even during Taekwondo Sparring sessions/competitions, I always hold back and is always afraid to harm my opponent. Anyways, so during the battle, this dragon-like thing was getting ready to swing its spear to me, I panicked a bit since I don't know what to do, but then I heard this voice inside my head telling me to use the Four Elements to summon spears made out of it and attack the dragon with it much like a continuous-fire energy bolts one can do in the Astral Plane (and as Robert Bruce described; one of the easiest form of attack to do since you don't have to focus too much on the form, unlike an Astral Sword), well it did not do much damage, but I managed to dodge its attacks, the battle seems to be going nowhere since, for some reason, the Elemental Spears I was firing at it does feel kind of weak, it's like an energy construct that is very weak, it lacks some sort of solidity, and I can only attribute it to my not-so-strong willpower back then as well as weak focus, so then the voice in my head told me to summon two swords (I was actually crafting them from Psi Balls back then and visualizing them to being imbued with Light Energy, then the other one, with Elemental Energies), and this voice told me to combine the two swords, so yeah, before the dragon-like thing's spear managed to hit me, I was able to slash him first and I won the battle.

That's mostly the full account of my experience back then. I never had any dream like that after all these years... or so I thought, but recently around 2-3 years ago, I seem to have another AP experience (as my teacher friend and mentor validated it) where I was fighting in a war in a realm with lots of plant life in it, most of which are colored blue and green, and our commander is this blonde girl that I seem to know (to which, my friend told me that that girl was my Twin Flame). It felt as real as any other too.

As for these symbols, if they aren't really an AP experience, I'll try to search Akashic Records for it these if that might help, or even review these particular dreams from there.


Oh and by the way, about this "Retrieval", do you perhaps mean I am starting to recover/retrieve Past Life memories? And yes, as for challenging experiences, I did encounter a lot lately, one of those is the incident I summarized on my first post in this thread; hating myself (for the first time in my life) and all that mess.

And thanks for the article, I will read it once exams are over, too.

Could be past future or symbolic. Only you can tell. I would say it has elements more of the past and may be related to past fears or events, fears and desires.  

If it is precognition, just hang on it it and match the account to the event.  Precog are usually more of a quick flast than a detailed dream but not always. For now it's important to release it and let it go. Writing it down helps but let it go now.

Thanks for the response, in any case, I'll see what happens this Monday, or what kind of dream I will have at that (but... yeah seriously, every time I think of that dream I really do get afraid) but I'll try to stay calm. I really hope it is more of a symbolic dream though... It's not like Nature or even the Will of this Planet would want to influence the Elements in order to create a typhoon that big... unless maybe if it is caused by a sort of advanced technology from certain rogue extraterrestrials (akin to the triangle-shaped objects I saw).

Though as for it being symbolic, there are way too many symbols and numbers in there, so I really feel it has this 75-80% of being a symbolic dream... but if in any event that it is in fact a sort of Parallel Universe vision... I wonder how my other self would deal with that and how it would affect me...

Well, I'll post too on Monday regarding what will happen... though due to my fear of that dream, it makes me want to avoid having to deal with that kinda dream again, but I guess I'll just have to get used to it...  

Ugh, I never really feared any of my dreams until now and I know fearing is kind of a bad thing to do at times like these haha, I cannot help it but I'll try my best to avoid being affected by negativities.

You are more than you think you are.
You should understand this by now when you think about what you find easy to do.
If you're around 14 years old, its a development thing. If younger, the answer will come soon. If over 21 you can expect more things to magically appear like when you just know something totally out of the blue.
You must already be aware of astral projection and lucid dreams etc.
The question is when was your first experience?

Hmm, well I'm already 21 years old, but right now being busy with school and such, I don't got much time to practice, but lately I've been having a lot of vivid dreams.

Back then when I was around 15 or 16 years old, I am already a practicing occult mage by that time, I mostly have these headaches, and at one time, a very severe headache, good thing sleep cured it.

And yes, I am aware of Astral Projection and Lucid Dreams. As for AP, I seem to be having a lot lately, and the first few experiences I had with it is with the aid of a friend of mine who is also a magick practitioner and is also one of my mentors, she does this method of pulling me Astral Body to the AP, but I still did not reached that far in Robert Bruce's Astral Dynamics book by then so I still don't got much idea and practice on improving Shadow Memory recall, so I only get to remember bits.

As for Lucid Dreaming, it was around the time where I found myself flying on a lake (or it was like I am actually sky-diving on it), one of my teachers asked me to imagine it while she peers inside my mind and she said it seems to be a Draconian realm/planet/dimension, and it was at that location where I seem to be having an Astral Combat with a black colored dragon-like thing after it disturbed the people living around the lake by sending down giant burning rocks, and I could hear voices inside my head on how to fight it as well as having conscious control over what I am doing, albeit I do not seem to realize it was a dream (or if it is an AP) despite various attacks I intuitively used like these rain or spears made from the four elements and such, which would otherwise be impossible to do in 3D. Also, after this voice in my head kept telling me, during that fight, to attack this dragon-like thing with my swords by "combining" the two swords, the opponent seem to have dissipated after I slashed it (before it actually slashed me too, it was just a split second difference and I could still remember the chilling feeling I have on avoiding a potentially painful strike from it), after that my view switched from first-person view to third person view, and I saw a long-haired person, with black hair and white colored robes there with horns and wings, it seems my consciousness was inside that person I was seeing back then, and then that person smiled at me, while the people around us rejoiced and cheered on that person I saw for defeating the being which is casing trouble. It was quite a spectacle, but yeah, that's what happened. It's still a mystery to me on who that person is though...

Also, regarding Shadow Memory recall, it seems I get to remember more dreams/lucid dreams/astral projection experiences more clearly or in a larger time duration if I woke up after the event and I don't feel groggy at all, it seems during those times my consciousness is just way too sleepy to even recall anything... probably during the days when I had trouble falling asleep at right times.

In any case, it seems these head pressures aren't caused by a brain disease or tumor I do not know about and are merely just sort of energies affecting how I feel on my head, yes?

From what I currently researched, it seems these head pressures are caused by excess energies? I do not know if it is going out from my body or going into my body... I do not know what to do about this in order to utilize these influx of energies though (if that is what's really happening).

Hello everyone, umm, I just woke up from a very... vivid and bad dream, and right now there are still lingering feelings of fear and I'm still shaking a bit...

This will be a bit long, because I will explain here in full detail the things I saw in my dream, everything from the very beginning of what I can remember up to the point before I woke up, this dream is very vivid, it is similar to vividness on a dream (or was it Astral Projection already?) I had when I saw myself on a Lake on a Draconic Realm or Planet (fighting a black dragon there in the process) which happened around 7 years ago; that kinda vividness.

There are also some images that I saw and words that I heard that is kind of religious-related... it is ok to tell some logical similarities and meanings regarding this dream and one's own interpretation in the filters of religious beliefs but please refrain from saying things related to urging people to convert their own religious beliefs to yours in this thread, I did not create this thread to encourage religious discussions, I am here to ask for help (in addition to me being very, very afraid right now) in dream interpretation as well as enlightenment about if my dream is a premonition, an Astral Projection, an event where my consciousness slipped into a Parallel Universe version of me, or JUST a mere dream, albeit a little bit TOO vivid.

Anyway, the dream seems almost real, everything I saw looks very, very real, and I hope people who are knowledgeable in dreams would enlighten me about this terrible, terrible dream I just had, I'm very afraid for the safety of millions of people right now, too, and my family...


I'll start:

Ok so first, I was in my cousin's old house, and I saw a lot familiar AND unfamiliar people, they were all watching TV, hanging out and it's like we are having a party, I even saw there our two Shih Tzu dogs who are playing with me and licking my feet like they usually do.

Well that was the part that is kinda blurry for me since it seems like a mediocre dream so it doesn't have as much impact, but anyways, it was nighttime then, and for some reason, our cousin's old house and our grandparent's house seem to be in one location... so then, when me and my parents are preparing to go home, I went to the comfort room a bit and voided myself, while in the comfort room, I saw a sort of... white horse that flashed from the sky that I saw from the window of the comfort room? Then before I go out of the room, a power outage suddenly occurred and then I saw two people who I seem to know but looking but at the dream, I do not actually know them, but they have this feeling (while I was in my dream), that I know them.

These two people are telling us about a very VERY strong typhoon that will hit Philippines, and they showed us reports about it in the internet using their smartphones. A few moments after that we could hear winds howling and very, very strong winds started to blow, there was also lightning around, then I told my parents that I'm glad we didn't went home yet (since they waited for me to finish voiding), the whole experience was very terrifying, I also called my step father in a room to go out, but he seems to just lit a candle and did not go out to my call.

Anyway, a few minutes on that, for some reason, there was a lightning strike that REALLY lit up the whole surrounding (it was nighttime and there was a power outage), this particular lightning lit up the whole place and the nighttime scene suddenly became daytime, the surroundings was still lit so bright even after the lightning disappeared!

And then, for some reason, two other elderly women who were in the party in my cousin's house just now came to us while the sky was still transformed into that of a daytime due to that lightning and there were winds blowing around... well it seems my mind is having trouble imaging these two women so it used a sort of Analytical Overlay and replaced their faces with elderly women actresses we usually see on T.V. here.

Anyway, while they are near the gate of the house of my grandparents (we were in the terrace of the said house when we witnessed these strong winds) I looked up at the sky and... I saw  swirling clouds right above us... this "swirling cloud scene above us" scene... I saw it for like 3 or 4 times now in my dream, during the previous ones all I did (having 7 years of knowledge and practical experience in a few Psychic Abilities as well as Occult Magick, especially Weather Manipulation/Influencing Magick (but I'm not that adept, still)) was to gather energy and dispel these strong winds...

But this time, the swirling wind and clouds started forming into a typhoon-shaped object, it is similar to how one sees a typhoon from a satellite picture, in the center, I saw a sort of violet-like energies and it was kinda static and it flew right above us, carrying with it very strong winds. And the size of this swirling wind is like spanning just a certain portion of the sky, it was large but not as large as a fully developed typhoon yet.

As it flew above us... something terrible happened, there were numbers as well as objects that appeared in the sky, the objects are like what I usually see in some occult artwork, the dominant colors were violet and black, there were geometrical shapes, there was even an INVERTED triangle there with a cross shape on the tip of it on the down-side, and then somewhere in the middle there is a skull-shaped object, then on the other hand, another object has this triangular shape, and inside the triangle, there are various skulls inside as well as candles, it is like I am looking on an artwork from a Magickal Grimoire because it is not colored black and violet, it is like color white and it showed the images as a sort of black pen drawings on a book, there were many images like these that appeared in the sky, I could even hear some sort of laughing echoing in the sky, it was very frightening and, also, these images seems to MOVE, the skulls, the candles...

As for the numbers that appeared they were written in the sky due to cloud formations, which possibly formed upon the passing of the typhoon, me and my family are talking about these numbers, there were 662, 667, 668, and even... 666, and my family, who are Catholics, think this is Satan's doing, as for me, I don't follow any Religious doctrine since I'm a Spiritual person, possibly the only spiritual person in this whole clan, so I thought these numbers are a sort of numerology-related signs.

In any case, our whole sky was littered with these dreadful images and numbers which are created but for some reason, I hear myself saying "heh, this will be EXCITING", while my other family members are cowering in fear... And also I had this feeling that these images will drop some sort of entities that will harm us, so, me, for some reason in that dream, have this kind of feeling I usually have whenever I compete with others in a martial arts sparring or even in online games in a player versus player setting, that kinda fighting-spirit feeling, and I was all feeling like "bring it on" kind of feeling... I don't know why but it seems I am quite a very brave person in this dream...

Anyways as the typhoon image became blocked by the roof, this person who told us about the news of a Typhoon through their smartphone, told me that this Typhoon will go to Mecca, yes, the location of the Black Stone that Muslim people go to pilgrimage to and then sort of rebound, and go back to the Philippines, but this time as a much, much bigger typhoon, and also, during my various researches regarding the Norn Goddesses, the Runes and Web of Wyrd which is related to my own training on Sigil Magick development, I saw a video wherein this person talked about the Black Stone being the place where the Norse Deities are imprisoned (after the Ragnarok I think?) by Loki and that the Norns; Urd, Verdandi and Skuld (I also think of the Norn sisters as one being) are among the two deities who were not imprisoned by Loki and that they are preparing to fight Loki and free the other deities from the Black Stone... does this information, true or not, holds significance in this dream that I had as well? Since this Typhoon, in the dream, is said to become stronger after it went to Mecca and my first thought is that it will actually HIT the Black Stone, rebound and go back to the Philippines as a much stronger Typhoon and I also seemed to have visualized the Black Stone and the Kaabah in this dream being hit by the typhoon and then rebounding.

In any case, this person showed me a report in the internet regarding the weather and astronomical services administration report on the possible size of the typhoon; the eye is in Luzon, near Manila, while its arms actually SPANS the whole Philippines and that this typhoon will go back at "Monday"... it's currently Thursday right now where I live, just a few minutes before Friday... and for some reason I am aware of the time and date in that dream which is the same as the time and date while I was awake... so I all felt like there won't be much time to evacuate and prepare, and that I have to beseech the deities I work with to help me and give me power in order to break this Typhoon, yes, I am planning to conduct a Magickal Ritual for this in the dream.

Seeing the report and the span of the typhoon, I could already tell that it will bring great disaster to the country and that many people will possibly die or at the very least, be injured and left homeless without clean food and water to eat... so I felt that I HAVE to do something; instead of gradually hastening the weakening of a typhoon like I usually do using Weather Magick, I am planning to break it off right off the bat.

In any case, after this person showed me the report and after I planned on what to do, I moved and looked at the sky again, the grotesque images disappeared (or I think there are still some small ones left?), and the triple digit numbers also got reduced to two digit numbers, showing 66, 67, 68, 62, the 62 one, being formed by clouds, is also starting to break apart. Then I kept looking at the sky and I saw the typhoon again, but this time, it is much, much smaller, it is colored... umm, it seems like an energy or something, it is colored violet or white-blue like an electricity with some transparent sides here and there, it is not shaped like a swirling wind or cloud anymore, it looks like... a butterfly-shaped thing, I could also hear a sort of whirring noise as if it was indeed an electric convergence, and to describe its appearance more accurately... it has a circle as its "head", an oblong as its main body, and its wings are shaped like candle flames, it has like four or six wings? Also, above the circle (its head) I could see a sort of crescent-shaped thing as its horns? Kinda like that, it keeps on emitting a whirring noise and flew around just a bit before going away, possibly headed to Mecca.


Anyway as it departs, I still see the numbers in the sky which are formed by clouds, there are only a few now, one of our Shih Tzu dogs went near me again, wanting to play... as of that moment, I am thinking on what should I do, how am I going to solve this problem, how am I going to help these people and protect them, I was really troubled, but for some unexplained reason I feel... excited? I kept having that feeling of "ah, my abilities will be put to the test this time, but I'm not gonna do this alone, I will ask help from other Magick Practitioners and deities too, and we'll form a team" sort of feeling...

After that, I woke up, but I could still remember the feeling I had before I woke up; it felt as if I... "slipped" inside my physical body that is sleeping... I could not see anything but I did feel like my whole being just "slipped" back to my body... then, just a few minutes ago, I saw myself on my room and I was VERY, VERY relieved that it was just a dream... because to be honest, I am still at a lost on what to do... the "Me" in that dream doesn't seem to be afraid at all, in fact, I felt excited albeit being troubled... but what I am thinking of while I saw that dream and after I woke up is fear and confusion, as well as anxiety...


Well, that's how the dream turned out... so yes, I need help right now in interpreting it, there are so many elements present in this dream that if I were to use an online dream dictionary and attempt to connect the dots... I might get even more confused, since I have little to no experience in Dream Magick, much less Dream Interpretation, especially vivid dreams like these.

And I don't usually ask other people to interpret my dreams for me, I just typed them in notepad and tell myself that I am going to look to the meanings of those dreams in the Astral Plane, in the Akashic Records, but right now, I am still studying and practicing the techniques for conscious Astral Projection so decoding this dream might take a while... that is why I thought of posting this here in hopes that people who are knowledgeable in this field would help me interpret what in the world did I just dreamed about, or if it is a sort of event where my consciousness slipped into a Parallel Universe version of me, or a Premonition, or an Astral Projection or just a mere dream.

I would really appreciate your insights on this matter, since I am still very afraid of this dream I just had, I am concerned to the lives of my loved ones and many people in this country too... and, seeing that big of a typhoon, it might even affect nearby countries, which is another thing I am concerned about... I'm very confused, I don't know what to do...

Hello, as the title says, I have been having this pressure on the very top of my head, it's in the dead center, too, it feels like something is pressing down on it, and I have been having this for around 2-3 times now and it started around late September this year, and I just had another one around 3 days ago... (and as far as I remember I already am having it ever since Sunday this week, and continued to be felt until the next day), while 2 days ago I had a headache.

It feels kinda unnatural though, since if I am to have a headache, it will be like how it felt 2 days ago, but this pressure on the very top of my head is very unnatural for me and it is NOT painful, it is more of a discomfort, a VERY noticeable one at that (like some bored classmate or friend wanting to tick me off by pressing on my head consistently, that kinda feeling), though sometimes it is a bit painful too, and I have only experienced it for the first time in my life, this year, around a few weeks after... some family problems came to my life so much that I have been plunged into deep depression and suicidal thoughts, thoughts like why do I even exists, thoughts of own worthlessness and I literally hated myself, blamed myself for everything (after realizing that, indeed, I am to be fully or partially be blamed for everything that happens to me and to anything and anyone around me; in other words, I am "responsible" for what happens, even those very negative events before), a few weeks passed since those problems came to my life, I set a goal to myself that I have to keep living or else I will continue to be a burden to other people when I am gone; they hate me while I still exists, but they will surely still hate me even if I am already dead; I am already a burden to them while I still exist, and I will surely still be a burden once I am dead, so what am I to do? Keep living, and leave it to Death to decide how long I will live; its not like I will accomplish anything by killing myself anyway, and that if I chose to live on, I will surely have more chances to forgive myself and make up for what I've done; being a burden to others and other people hating me for reasons I do not know, and while I still live, I am going to get back on the path towards my life goals, being so "done" with life and all, like, "I do not care anymore, I'm just gonna keep living and do what I want and have to do", I have that kinda feeling now.

As of now, one of my goals is to live my life, not become a burden to anyone else and to my own self, and do... awesome things; further refining of my Psychic and Magickal abilities, doing my best at school, honing the power of my memory to achieve a training-obtained Eidetic Memory/Powerful Memorization skills, then doing some recreational activities from time to time, albeit a bit on the non-spiritual side such as arts, music, games, etc., since I feel that these are one of the steps that will help me make myself worthy of my own, self-love once again, and I do need time to recover from the self-hate I had a few months ago.

So anyway, right now, according to the info I provided above, these are the only factors I can think of regarding this pressure on the top of my head and I am researching this for a few weeks now and google keeps displaying results regarding "Kundalini Symptom"... but right now I want to gather as much info and insight as much as possible from other sources so I thought of posting here...

Is this really what they call the Kundalini Symptom? Like, is my Kundalini really rising up right now and I am beginning to feel physical symptoms of it? Also about the headache that followed 2 days ago (which is also the first time it happened after the day I consistently felt this top-of-head pressure), is it normal? I read somewhere in the internet that it is like what happens due to Kundalini rewiring my brain or something like that?

And how do I know if I am having a Kundalini Symptom and not... some sort of a brain disease now? I wanna know for now how to differentiate the two as well before I go and ask my mother to take me to the hospital to have a CT Scan (which is quite costly and might cause my mother to be unnecessarily worried).

Lastly, what is the best thing to do while I am undergoing in this Kundalini Rising event in my life (if that is really what's happening); and things such as some nice Energy Development-related work to do and etc.?

P.S. I did a little bit of research about the causes of brain tumors and all I found with my limited searching was: "Radiation to the head.
An inherited (genetic) risk. HIV infection. Cigarette smoking. Environmental toxins (for example, chemicals used in oil refineries, embalming chemicals, rubber industry chemicals)", I do not have nor experienced the first three causes said here, as for cigarette smoking I do not and will never smoke (the smell is just actually very disgusting for me, it even beats the smell we were once exposed to during our nursing training in the delivery room of a local hospital), but sometimes, year by year, I kept on encountering unruly public transportation drivers who smoke (despite the local law prohibiting smoking in this city and with a "No Smoking" sticker inside their vehicle) and I inhale the disgusting smoke they spew as a result, but I do my best to minimize the inhalation... but it makes me want to punch them in the face whenever that happens to be honest. Then for environmental toxins, I am also not exposed to those things, except maybe my everyday exposure to vehicle smoke since I have to go to school and stuff, and I often have to commute, but I don't know if those vehicle smoke counts.

Anyway sorry for the long post, I just feel like giving as much detail as I can since brain tumors are a no-no for me and I made it a goal to continue living, I would surely hate myself in the afterlife if I am to die without even attaining my goals now, so I have to keep this life, that has been saved many times, safe and use it well to attain my goals, one of which also involves being able to help a lot of other people in the process.