Art of Seduction: approaching women

[Kazbadan]

Maybe i have this vision of love (i mean, there is no love) because i only see confusion, rage, suffering and hatress in this violent world.

I grew up having girls making fun of me directly just because i was very thin and that and much more bad things on my life make me feel insecure and with a big lack of self confidence.

Now i have much more and i ´ve recup. many "lost" things due to my efforts.

I´ve found for example that our inner state its a self confident state...being insecure and nervous its not natural, just a bad consequence form this stupid and violent society.

Well, now that i understand a little more of "playing" games with women, now that i have a more normal look, i just see women as "sex toys".

I know that such view its against my budhistic view of the world...but i dont care.

Affection its something that i will be less nedding. I have energy in my soul, and that energy its enough to stop my "wussy" needy feelings. I just need womens for 2 main reasons:
1) i love to play with them (teasing, etc)
2) sex (not only sex, but kissing, etc)

Its not a good view, but then what? They do the same....

They are not so fragile as you may think. These days they only care about sex...

You have a GF and you are ugly? that means that even if you threat her well, even if you are funny, playfull and a good lover, means that sooner or later she will cheat you just because you are ugly and she wants a better body to ****.

Womens work just like that...like man.

There is no love, only Darwinistic Evolution & SEx.

And i dont feel good for saying this.

Make good things to a women and love her like if she was an angel its a big mistake.
My experience shows that if you do that you will have 0 (zero)sex.

If yo play like DavidDeAngelo (great man) teachs (act a little like 007 or so) you will have GFs and sex.

´For example: in my work i have some "angelical" colleagues. Some of my friends will treat them very well.
Not me: i act in a funny and very playful way with sexual arousement and teasing. I am very thin but i have much more sucess with them...

Why? Because there is no love (unless you speak in other kind of love, like the one teached by Buddha or Jesus).

[data]

I can understand where you are coming from and why you have such an attitude towards women. But, there is something you are doing, and I am not sure if you know it or not, you are letting your past dictate who you are today. You are holding onto the negativie memories you experienced in the past, and this is shaping your attitude towards women today.

You did not like it when in the past girls did this to you. Now, in your present, you are doing the same to the girls. In the past the girls were hurting you and now you are hurting yourself. Now, think of a girl who really genuinely likes you, and you treat her like an object and value her like an object, isn't that a feeling your past-self could relate to?  Are two wrongs making a right? No they are not.

As someone with a Buddhist worldview. You need to realise that you are not in control of yourself in the present. Your past ego still has a hold on you. You need to overcome this ego. You need to let this ego know that you are now in the present and that every day is a new day.

Yes, I know so many girls do this. However, by joining them in doing what you inherently don't like, is only to your detriment It is affecting you psychologically and spiritually. That need for revenge - Is just the need of an ego to preserve itself.

All women are not the same. Just like all men are not the same. The girls in the past are not the same as the women in your present. Every woman is different. It is unheathly to look at all women as the same. There are some women who are just like you. Yet, you may have missed them.  Ask yourself, in the past when girls overlooked you because of your physical shortcomings, just what were they missing about you. Now, ask yourself now that you are just like them, and what are you missing about the girls who are just like your past-self, and how might they be feeling.

So for your sake, and their sake, don't throw every women into a category. Look at women, just like you wanted girls in the past to look at you. To look at you for you. Otherwise, what are you doing, other than continuing this vicious cycle of superficiality, that you've never approved off. You're giving in to your ego. Is that the buddhic way?

I am not trying to preach to you or change your beliefs and attitudes. I am trying to make you ask yourself questions.

Make good things to a women and love her like if she was an angel its a big mistake.
My experience shows that if you do that you will have 0 (zero)sex.

If your love is impure, then are you surprised, their's is too? Women are very perceptive, they can see through your actions, hey know what you really want. They can smell it.  Your affections, your caring, comes at a price to them - you want sex. Are you surprised, that they are not buying.

If your love is pure. You will get pure love. Like will attract like. Don't love because you want something, love because you want to. It is no different to the love Buddha or Jesus taught.

There is only one love. It is the energy of god himself and you use it in various ways. As I said try it, first by loving yourself. When you can love yourself, you will be able to love others.

Love yourself in every way. Love yourself in every way. Be your own friend, lover, father, mother, brother, sister, teacher.  Love thyself and others will love you as well.

[Kazbadan]

I know wthat the things i say are agaisnt my Buddhistic perception of the world and i know thats wrong if i wanna reach inner peace and Nirvana.

But if want other things its not wrong.

I dont want any vengeance. I know that it meay sound like that but its not. What i am saying its that from my past experience i realised that womens are humans, that they are just like men. They just wanna to inflate their ego and have some passion on their lives, like we do too.

Acting in a sexual way with women its better than being romantic. Romantic guys or the guys that are sensible to women will catch a girl by luck. You may say that they will feel what you want (sex), etc,etc but that doens t matter. My own experience and the observations that i made with expert guys (real Don Juans, Masters of the art of seduction) shows me one things:

even the beautiful and sensible girls that you speak on, even that one will get much more faster sexually aroused by you if you act in a cocky-funny way than if you be a romantic-sensible guy...why? Because there is no love, only sexual tension, only sexual moves.

This is like a game. How do you explain the fact that such "angels" (ya, believe me ´cause i saw such angels falling in love for "bad boys") will fall down faster in the arms of a "bad boy" than in the arms of a sensible guy?

If i wanna have some love and affection i must enter in the game and be a cocky-funny guy that its always teasing her.

We are animals not spiritual beings, when we act in a sexual way. The day when i reach Nirvana (if i reach) i will not care about sex but i will not care about womens or affection because in that day wishs are just a shadow from the past. Thats a different kind of love, a love not built on sex but in compassion and wisdom. Until i reach that day i will still need womens for sex and in that case the game must be played.

I am gamer.

[data]

Sure thing, Kazabadan, if that is what you want, then go for it. But I don't understand what you mean by:

"Until i reach that day i will still need womens for sex and in that case the game must be played. "

What you really should be saying, when I am fed up of treating women like objects and want to have something more meaningful, I will walk a spiritual path. If you're not ready for a spiritual path; you're not ready. However, you can't do both at the same time. You can only walk on a single path.

even the beautiful and sensible girls that you speak on, even that one will get much more faster sexually aroused by you if you act in a cocky-funny way than if you be a romantic-sensible guy...why? Because there is no love, only sexual tension, only sexual move

It will work for some and it won't work for others. Some girls don't like cocky, arrogant guys. Again, it depends what kind of girls you want. If it just for sex. You don't have to worry. If you want more, then you could end up disappointed.

We are animals not spiritual beings, when we act in a sexual way. The day when i reach Nirvana (if i reach) i will not care about sex but i will not care about womens or affection because in that day wishs are just a shadow from the past. Thats a different kind of love, a love not built on sex but in compassion and wisdom. Until i reach that day i will still need womens for sex and in that case the game must be played.

Sexuality is a very natural part of the soul. Again, as I mentioned above, love is simply touching someone with intent. As souls we need to be touched in many ways to experience our full spectrum of feelings. That is what makes us alive. The union of spirit(purush) and matter(prakriti) is a form of sexuality. Sexuality is a very intergral part of our spiritual being. In the Bhagavad Gita Krishna says "I(purush) impregnate prakriti(nature)" There is a sexual energy inside you, called Kundalini, that is a pure sexual energy. Everytime you abuse this sexual energy by using it for lust, you are only harming your spiritual being, and depleting your Chakras of energy, and setting yourself up for physical dis-ease in your sexual organs. I think you seem to be under the impression that you can attain Nirvana(When I reach) by lusting after women and treating them as objects.  Most masters will disagree. Not only that, but you will have to work on the negative karmas you accure right now, in your later spiritual life, making it just that more harder.

Again, I am not saying it is wrong what you are doing. Only you can decide what is right and wrong for you. I am just letting you know you can't have both spiritual nirvana and the 'game' at the same time. You will need to choose which you want and deal with the consequences of your choices later.

I was reading in autobiography of a Yogi by Yogananda Paramhansa, that the true renounciate is not the yogis who retire to mountains. It is those who give up their spiritual journey, the unlimited, the universal love,  for a few toys. Giving up everything for something.

[Kazbadan]

I know that i can follow only one path.

But i will still learn things for both, will they have the same route.

When i reach the bifurcation on those 2 paths i must choose only one way. Until there...

[data]

You can never learn spirituality. You do spirituality. It will not make no difference how many spiritual texts you read,  how many gurus you meet or or how much meditation you do, if you are not actually living a spiritual life.

Spirituality is not some thing you do. Spirituality is a way of life. If you are not going to live as a spiritual being. Then, learning about spirituality will do little for you. If at this moment your path is sex, then concentrate on this path, and master it.  That ability to concentrate on an aim and attain it, is a skill that will help you in your later spiritual journey.

However, if you try to do two different things at the same time, your efforts are only half-hearted, and your results will be half as well. If you truly want to be a master seducer, then master this skill

[Kazbadan]

When i said learning it was concerning to meditation. I need to learn (pratice) meditation. Meditation it can mean a lot of things, not only the typical one.

Data, sorry if i lok like rude to you but i was only saying the truth (to my eyes). Girls are so easy that i can only think that this is all a sexual game. Doesnt matter what you say, they (like us man) are animals and react to certain things.

Even innocent and very nice girls, that are very sensible will fall down to a great looking guy or someone with good skills. If that happens it means that you can make any girl "love" and that means that there is no real love.

For example, did you know that 66% (it can be more because many womens can be lying) of women that have a BF/husband/etc have in a regular base, sexual fantasies with other guys?

They will have lots of fantasies about your best friend, colleague, about their colleagues, etc...they have masturbation with that and you will dont notice anything...is that love?

If i had a  GF and i found that she was having sexual fantasies with other guy...wow! She would be in serious problems...

66% its just the girls that spoke...people that made the stdy believe that many more womens have fantasies..they just lied when answering to the questions....so, i think you can expect maybe 75% of women...thats a lot.

Every 3 women that you see in street, 2 of them will cheat their BF in their minds...and cheating in spirit its a step for cheating in real  life.

More about studys: dont know the % but almost every women will be always looking to other mens even if they are with BF. Studys show that women ant to partners: one its the "provider" th eone that will feed their childs, be a friend, etc. The other its the Lover, the one with guts that its playful, somewhat cocky and funny. Generally its good looking. That Lover its the one providing good genes for the women have healthy children..

Dont believe? Again I dont know the % but many studys revelaed that a lot of men that are married have children that are not of their own...

After divorce many husbands found that they were feeding other childrens..not from their chlids...great!

As you can see, women are not so fragile like that (and i dont complain, i face these things like facts and try to learn from it).. They are just sexual animals (like us).

I dont wanna be the Provider of any women, i wanna be (and i am even not looking very good looking...) the Lover of many womens...

So what d you say about these studys?

(again sorry if i look rude, but i just wanna have a nice conversation with you..i am liking it).

[data]

All meditation will do is cause your issues in life to resurface. You will see them with greater clarity. However, meditation will not transmute them for you, you will have to take action to correct your issues. You may find what I have already identified as your issues, is what you will discover yourself.

As I said, your game and spirituality are very different paths, and they contradict each other. So, it important you choose a path. That is not to say don't meditate. That is like telling someone don't exercise. Meditation is not spirituality. It is simply a tool we employ to understand ourselves. A very powerful tool indeed.

Now, regarding the studies you are mentioning. Even though you have not supported them with facts. I do not dispute the authenticity of these studies. I will take your word for it. As is the case with all studies, where a sample is taken from society of x number of people, and then a percentage is shown how many support a certain hypothesis/activity/thought/product. There is a problem with this. A very inherent problem. It is grouping people together based on a few shared similarities, and ignoring the differences.

For example, say a drug is tested on 5000 people for a certain ailment, and of them 80% report good recovery, only 1% report bad side effects. Does this mean that if the drug is administered on you, it is most likely you will not experience side effects and will have a good recovery?

No, it doesn't, because you are not just a figure, you are a person. A very unique person. You have a unique physical, mental, psychological and spiritual mark-up. How this drugs works for you, is based on all these personal factors.

It was shown recently by a mathematician, that we will all experience a highly unlikely event in our life every few years. I mean the kind of event where you accidentally dial a wrong number, and find you have contacted a very old Friend, you have not talked to in so many years. Just, because something is rare, does not mean it will not happen to you. After all rare things happen to people don't they?

Now, apply to a case study where 60% of women prefer brash, arrogant guys. That may well be true, but it does not mean when you meet a random woman, that she is not in the 40%. She may well be. Even if 99% of women preferred arrogant, cocky guys. It still does not mean that a random women you've met is not in the 1%.

If you took 15-30 people and put them in a room together. There is 50% chance that at least two of these people will have the same birthday. When you walk out in the mall, you encounter hundreds of females, but with a 1% chance of finding someone who prefers romantic guys, it means you see a couple everyday. And when it is 40%, it means out of 10 women, 4 women prefer romantic guys.

So it's not they don't exist. You just don't notice them. They are there. Now, I don't believe in chance at all. I believe everything that happens in your life happens for a reason. You are reading my post for a reason. I am telling you  this for a reason. We are not figures or percentages. We are multidimensional conscious beings. So treat every women you meet, as a new woman, and discover her for who she is, and you may find the love you doubt.

As you said earlier. You would give up women and sex for the greater love of compassion and wisdom. And that's why I am telling you, you're missing something much greater about the relationship between a man and a woman. It's not that spiritual people can't make love. A spiritual person will define making love. A woman made love to by a spiritual person will have a spiritual and profound experience, and no amount of rough sex with arrogant men, will satisfy her sexual yearning after that.  Many of the great masters, yogis, seers and deities had sexual relationships. It is a part of life. It's a part of the soul.

As I said, try it with yourself first. Really make love to yourself. Touch yourself at the core of your soul and give yourself pleasure. If you can't love yourself, you won't be able to love others. Again, it is your choice what you want, sex(lust) or love. I would choose lover any day.

[Hans Solo]

Back again to help you poor souls -  I am qualified in this area

Data-  you have a misunderstanding of women, and have taken the mindset of a touchy feely wussy (David Deangelos words).  ATTRACTION FOR A WOMEN IS NOT A CHOICE!!!  You have to be THE man.  You will instantly do better with women if you download the ebook here www.doubleyourdating.com .  

Frank-  you were right on in your last post.  Funny, when I saw your post below mine I was scared to read it because I love your post and felt you were going to debunk my post, but people would take it as Gospel because of your legendary status here.  Wrong again!

I love the way you talk about the coy smile.  Man i have this down to a science.  I call it my Bruce Willis smile.  It is sort of that half smile I use while "charmingly looking into her eyes" with a hint of sexual overtones.  A good example is Pierce Brosnan in the Thomas Crown Affair.  I also agree that most men get nervous around beautiful women and smile like a buffoon.  

"The bubble" -- once you achieve this state it is all over.  I call it the Deer in the headlights look.  Where she is totally absorbed in your stories, conversation, etc.

Most of my conversation with a women doesn't even matter, although I do have funny stories I use and the such.  Mostly it is the Way I say it.  I say it in a light hearted way but While i am saying it am always implying that she wants me (and I really feel this way).  If you would look at it from an outsiders position it may not even sound like a pick up, but there is drama going on that only we know about (David Deangelo calls it sexual communication -that CD set is great BTW).  Another great example of this is in the Thomas Crown Affair.  Almost everything Pierce says is in this tone-ie another shot of espresso.  

VERY IMPORTANT:  most guys walk on egg shells around women they like and are always thinking about if they should say this or will it offend her, etc.  This is very bad.  I always push the envelope, but it works because I will say anything and show them the depths of my soul-honesty works people (as long as you are not be a supplicate wussy).  Also, a women of quality will S***T test you.  For instance:

Her:  Man, your cocky/ That's an interesting shirt/ are you always this bold?
Hans Solo:  Glad you like it!  (always imply that she wants you)

I also do funny stuff like grab her hand and hold it, then accuse her of trying to hold my hand (implying that she was the one who initiated this act) and say "wow, sorry i don't hold hands with strange women i just met--man your forward!" -then give her the coy smile.  Or, if she disagrees with me I will thumb war her!  I am 25 yrs old and this still works like a charm.  It gets her to view you as fun.  

Kiss test her.  brush back her hair.  If she doesn't flinch, then look into her eyes then to her lips and back again.  She will know what this means, and if she doesn't pull away-go for it!  Always escalate or you will miss your opportunity.  

BTW, there are a lot of professed gurus out there.  Ross Jefferies is one that I don't take stock in.  Frank mentioned him, and I would not recommend him.  

This stuff is like the icing on the cake.  First you need to get confident.  To do this you may need to get in the gym, etc.

Bar pickup theory:  In bars women of quality are usually in groups.  So what I do is the Mystery Method.  This means that I will open the group (not opening my target) with an opinion opener.  Then I will engage the group in funny stories,etc.  While I am doing this I am ignoring my target (hot babe 9.0+).  She is not used to being ignored an will try and get my attention (if only to validate herself).  Once she does I will give her a negative compliment (backhanded compliment)  like "I like your dress, EVERYBODY seems to be wearing those now"  or "I love your shoes, i bet they looked REALLY cool when they were new"
    Now, her group really loves me because they don't think I am there to pick up their friend anymore.  I may give another NEG like if she touches my arm say " that will be forty dollars"  or act like she spit on you and while wiping away the invisible spit say "yew, you just spit on me. yuck"  but then kind of half smile at her.  However, I then say to the group "I have been alienating your friend here, you won't mind if i borrow her for a second do you" , then you isolate her from the group.

THIS IS WHERE YOU BUILD RAPPORT-not before.  You only build rapport from the group before you isolate her.  Then do cold readings, commonalities, etc.  I you want to know more check out the best in the business www.mysterymethod.com  (he may be coming out with a book soon on this), if not check out www.fastseduction.com.  By the way, dont try this bar pick up theory until you have read a lot on it because you will screw up royally at first.  But the power to walk into any bar and isolate the women you desire is priceless.  

****EDIT****7/29/05**

I no longer use the mystery method and have changed my model to a pick up guru named Juggler which relies less on patterns and more on being an all round interesting person.  There is a GREAT ebook call Converstional Jujitsu by the juggler and he has a new one on his website.  He also now does workshops at http://www.charismasciences.com .  I have not taken a workshop but plan to in the future

*******************

This is why I am unique, Frank, most charming, good looking guys telegraph way too much interest at first and extremely good looking girls are used to this and say "I already have him around my little finger--boring!".  I telegraph the opposite, ie disinterest.  Only when I have her peer groups approval do I then telegraph interest, but ONLY after she earns it through my qualification round.  I qualify her by saying stuff like(report stage) I hope your like having fun, because I don't date girls that are boring".  Then she will tell me how much fun she is etc.  I always get them to keep qualifying themselves to me. Girls will backwards rationalize that if they are qualifying themselves it must be because they like you!   The best book on the subject is at www.Realworldseduction.com.  Sometimes I will even say "Do you have anything else going for you besides your looks, because beauty is fairly common."  Then they will start to qualify themselves to me, and then I will show interest because of THESE qualities in her and not because of her beauty.  Sounds harsh but I tone it down with my voice tonality and playfulness.

NEVER QUALIFY YOURSELF TO A WOMEN, HAVE THE MINDSET THAT YOU ARE ALREADY QUALIFIED AND YOU KNOW IT.  

BE EXTROVERTED and HAVE FUN, if you are introverted (like me) fake it until you make it.  

NEVER TALK ABOUT GAME KILLER TOPICS, ie anything logical (men topics).  These topics include talking about her job/your job, weather, where she lives, goals, etc.  She will bring these up sometimes to qualify you.  for instances:

Her:  how old are you?
Hans Solo:  Old Enough!  

Her:  What do you do for a living?
Hans Solo:  Well, I am a break dancer!/ televangelist/etc   (never answer these questions directly, always be coy and playful)***edit: I have since change tactics and use more of a juggler style here.  



You want her to be as emotional as possible.  Talk about celebrities (read US/people magazine) and their drama.  I know, I could care less too but most women like this stuff.  Talk about metaphysical stuff (shouldn't be too hard for us)--women eat up astrology, tarot, esp, etc.  Funny stories, etc.

[data]

Back again to help you poor souls

By telling me to not be myself. That does not really help my soul.

You have to be a man

I can't really help not being a man. I was born a man.

"Wussy"? Respecting someone and treating them as a person is just something that is natural.

As for the rest of your post. What if the next woman you tried your techniques on, has read your post

What you are saying is women like confidence. Sure, nice guys can have confidence too and holding a decent conversation can show confidence, and you can show interest. However, acting like you have confidence, by following certain rules, is simply setting yourself up for disappointment How long can you continue a facade? Ah I see, it does not matter, it's for one night stands. What if you want more?

No offense, but a guru who helps you discover yourself to love yourself and others, is better than a guru who teaches yourself how to change your personality to get sex.  In fact to call such a person a Guru is a corruption of the word. You are a piece of work, seriously.

[data]

This further reminds me of a movie I saw based on certain rules of attracting the opposite sex. All the "rules" discussed so far were covered. Anyway,  the rules work, and the person gets who they wanted. However after all that effort she is very dissatisfied. It's not she who got this man. It was her rules and campaign. She felt like she had cheated herself and this person.

And what is pertinent here, is following these rules may get you someone you desire, but there will always be someone within you who will cry foul, and wonder if you could have done it by being yourself.

Personally, in my humble opinion, you should always be yourself, not someone else. You're just cheating yourself. At the end of the day your self is much more than a body.

At the end of the day, you should ask yourself, why do you want to seduce women anyway? If it is sex you want, you can get it easily. Obviously it is more than sex. Do you want to brag about it to friends? Score lists?  Will it make you feel more of a man? It is unfortunate that you need to do this to feel better about yourself.  It just shows how little you think of yourself. Ouch!

[Hans Solo]

Personally, in my humble opinion, you should always be yourself, not someone else. You're just cheating yourself. At the end of the day your self is much more than a body.

Talk to any of your female friends about pickup, and odds are
they'll answer with some variant of this.

"Just be yourself, and everything will be fine."

At this point you're most likely sitting there thinking to
yourself, "Nonsense.  I've been myself my entire life,
and it's not really getting me the type of women I'd like! If
anything, I need to become DIFFERENT than how I am now!"
first, if being yourself is being somebody who can not attract the opposite sex, then you have to change albeit a little.  Funny thing is once you apply these belief and rules they WILL Be a part of you.  The "Be Yourself" argument is a weak one.  What we mean is: (copied from www.realsocialdynamics.com newsletter)

If someone tells you to be yourself, they don't mean to keep
on engaging in the same old behaviors that haven't got you women
in the past and just shrug your shoulders when it doesn't work
out.  What they really mean is to drop all of the filters of
insecurity in your head and start expressing yourself
congruently.

In other words, don't *just* be yourself, be a hyper version of
yourself.  People who are operating on a very pure level
internally are magnetic. It's not about making yourself over
into a new person, it's about letting go of that which STIFLES
the attractive person that already lies within you. (btw: being a wussy, ALWAYS sensitive "are you ok, what can i do for you-want me to beg" type crap will stifle attraction and ruin relationships)

What I mean by this is that, over the years, we tend to
accumulate a set of beliefs with regard to social interactions,
especially interactions with the opposite sex, that sound
good on paper.

But when push comes to shove, a lot of these beliefs turn out
to be empty platitudes that can end up working AGAINST YOU.

As you grow and become more socially intelligent, you learn
to recognize these old cliches for what they are. You may
even come to a point where you start to actively work to
eradicate the behaviors associated with them.

Like, the guy will think to himself, "All that stuff is weak...
that's just BS that society puts out to throw people off the
track... I'm a REAL player, I won't fall for that."

The funny thing, however, is this: behind all these apparently
butt-backwards cliches we've all heard since high school
about the best way to go about picking up women, there exists
an element of truth.

These are the hidden nuggets of wisdom that only a true mack
with a real-world understanding of the mechanics of the game
can pick up on. No pun intended.

What am I talking about here? Let me give you a couple of
examples.

First off, there's that old admonition you used to hear
constantly from your teachers and parents when you were a kid:

"You should think before you speak."

This is one of my favorites. My dad used to say this one to me
all the friggin' time.

"Boy, you need to learn to THINK before you speak!!"

Ok, makes sense. Of course.

The problem is this: a lot of guys get waaay too wrapped up
in this. Especially when they're interacting with women.

For example, you have a guy talking to a girl at the bar.
And he's sitting there talking to her, but in his head, he's
always trying to stay two steps ahead, to ensure he doesn't
say the wrong thing and blow it.

It's like he's Garry Kasparov or something, trying to defeat
IBM's Deep Blue supercomputer in the chess match of the
century. Contemplating every possible move and permutation
in advance, so he'll be ready for it.

Got to be READY!!

BZZZZZZT!!! Wrong.

It's ironic, because when you're constantly trying to stay
ahead in the interaction, you actually end up sabotaging
yourself.

What happens is this: by not focusing on being in the moment,
you end up killing the vibe.

In pickup, rhythm is so important as to be paramount to
success. Rhythm, expression and confidence are all
intertwined. If your mind is always thirty seconds in the
future, you're going to sub communicate bad things about
yourself. Why would someone secure in their abilities be worried
about "screwing up"?

Think of it like this: it's the difference between a novice
guitar player struggling to remember which notes to play next,
and Jimi Hendrix just riffing and flowing straight from the
soul. If you've ever listened to a live Hendrix album, you know
what I'm talking about. (If you haven't, I suggest you download
some immediately and listen to it while you read the rest of
this newsletter). One sounds stilted and awkward, the other
sounds honest and soulful... you can't help but be drawn in.

By walking on eggshells and being concerned about what others
will think of what you say, you're creating a gap between
your true self and the persona others see.

This gap exists within everybody. In people who are highly
charismatic, the gap will be so small as to be insignificant.
There is literally no difference between what they feel inside
and what they project to the world.

This is universally attractive to all people.

So, back to the original point: guys get into the game and
they learn that this advice is, let's say, "not so good". As
a result, they dismiss it outright as "chump conditioning".

But, as I've come to realize, there's some hidden treasure in
this dung heap.

As I've gotten more and more experience up in the game, I've
started to develop a field intuition about certain scenarios.
This intuition is basically my brain instantaneously comparing
the situation at hand against all the information gleaned from years of going out to meet women.
When you get that many interactions under your belt, you gots
quite the preponderance of data to draw from.

So, for example, I'll be talking to a girl or a group of
girls, and they will say "X". What happens is that my brain
searches the database for similar experiences and brings back
suggestions.

Note that this happens INSTANTANEOUSLY. Your brain is an
extremely powerful heuristic computing machine, more powerful
than you know. Every sliver of information you've ever
taken in is stored in it, somewhere.

So when this happens, it's not something I'm consciously
doing. It just happens.

The way it practically manifests is the interesting part.

Rather than throwing up suggestions of what to say, my brain
spits out WARNINGS of things to NOT say or do. Like, my brain
searches the database and comes back in a nanosecond with a
warning: "DON'T DO THAT... LET IT GO... IF YOU DO THAT IT'S
GAME OVER!!"

Let me give you a quick couple of examples.

Let's say I'm interacting with a group and someone in the
group says something that sets them up for a joke at their
expense. I have the perfect response for it, a response that
I KNOW will get people around us falling down on the floor,
clutching their sides in agony because they're laughing so
hard. I get ready to spit the line out...

...when all of a sudden something stops me. It's my brain,
telling me that, yes, the joke might be the funniest thing
I've said all month, but it will tinkle off the wrong person
in the group, and I'll end up blown out of the set. So I
bite my tongue and move on. Sure, I didn't get the laugh, but
I'll get the lay instead. Oh well.

The funny thing is, when I first got into the game, this
warning wouldn't have come up. I would have just blithely
spit out the line and been left there scratching my head in
puzzlement after I got blown out.

Here's another real life example. I'm getting ready for a
date with a 19 year old I met last week. I know that this is
ON, so I spend a couple hours getting my house ready for
when I pull her back to it. This means mopping the floor,
dusting, cleaning the bathroom, etc.

So I call the chick up, and all of a sudden she tells me she's
flaking on me to go to a ballgame. What the hell? I'm
pretty irritated, especially since I did all that housework.

So I start to say to her, "But, I even cleaned the bathroom
for you!"

BZZZT!!! My spidey sense starts tingling like a mofo! "DO NOT
SAY THAT! DO NOT SAY THAT!"

So instead, I say in a sarcastic tone, "Awww, I'm so
disappointed. I hired a limo, had flowers flown in from
Brazil, and even got a concert pianist from France to make the
night special." She starts laughing and agrees to meet
up after the game. I she came over that night... SOLID GAME!

Now, what happened there was, my brain searched the database
and came up with this: telling her that I cleaned my bathroom
would raise her "anti-slut-defense". Why would I clean my
bathroom? What am I expecting, her to come back to my house
and sleep with me? Oh my god, how shocking!

Based on past experience, I knew this was the incorrect course
of action, so I changed my tack and succeeded.

So basically, what I'm saying here is that when you hear
someone say, "You should think before you speak," the true
meaning isn't that you should walk on eggshells and carefully
weigh every word that comes out of your mouth.

Think of it like this instead: it's more a matter of installing
BEHAVIORAL FILTERS in your head that guide you down a funnel
of choices that lead you to your goals in a given interaction. As
you accumulate more and more experience, the filters become more
comprehensive.

[Novice]

Han -- no offense, but everything you wrote totally turns me off. And for the record, I am a woman. The things you describe as technique's I've had done on me more times than I care to remember and all of them were just as fake as what you were describing.  

So, let me clue you in on one woman's suggestion. If any of these things work on a woman, its because she's only interested in the same thing you are at the moment ... sex. Or she is too desperate to "find" someone that she can't or won't see through the falacy you are dishing out. I am speaking candidly only here, I am by no means judging you.

Also, for those interested in long term relationships and not simply one night stands, no woman who wants a relationship will EVER go out with someone she meets at a bar or other pick up place with the expectation that she's found him. Only if she wants something casual and quick will your lines 'work'. Believe it or not, women can see through all of this stuff for what it truly is -- flirtatious banter. And there's nothing wrong with that if that's what you are into. But please don't believe that what you are describing works on all women. Unfotunately, I'm embarrisingly amazed at the number of women these lines do work on. And I am probably in the minority when it comes to what women are attracted to. I have never been attracted to the 'bad' guy type. But from what I read most teens and women are. (I still haven't figured out why myself!)

If you are following in Mel Gibson's footsteps in determining "What Women Want", its pretty much going to vary depending on the woman. We are all unique, just as all men are unique. But there are certain commonalities. I will post what I think and have seen as important to women in general.

I think the original poster may have misunderstood the word "wussy". I personally don't find a man attractive if he doesn't have some self-confidence. Now, having self-confidence is a far cry from having him as "my boss" and strutting around like super man. I like people who are self-confident, but also humble (not a common trate unfortunately). But I also think self-confidence is a relative term in this subject. To a strong willed woman, an arragant man may seem simply self-confident. But to a woman who is more shy and introverted, he my come off as bossy and arrogant, and vice-versa.

Second are men who are honest. If they don't know something, they say so. They don't feel the need to prove themselves to everyone they meet. They also don't pretend to be things they are not. For most people, its extremely difficult to fake sincerety. But there are those that can.

Humor is a BIG plus for me and many others. You need to be able to laugh at life and most of all yourself. Don't take yourself (or your super cape) so seriously.

A man's intellect is also important. I need to be able to hold an intelligent conversation with him. Your mind lasts much longer than your body, so make sure you are at least equally attracted to the mind of the individual.

And, sorry Frank. I have grown to have an immense amout of respect for your thoughts and experiences here related to phasing. But I must disagree with the whole "body is 90%" comment. I am in the far opposite corner of that opinion. In fact, men who are all buffed up simply turn me off. I have absolutley no interest in them whatsoever.  Granted, I'm not prone to obeise individuals either. But someone who is simply healthy and a has a body that looks natural, (not like he's been taking steroids) are what I look for. Although this last comment appears to be a more personal one and less general one. As I see many men and women way too caught up in appearances. I personally find it so sad some of the stuff people go through to meet society's view of a perfect body.

And for a brief personal insight: I am married to a wonderful man. What attracted me to my husband first was his smile, his eyes, his sense of humor and his mind (we met as a blind date!) But what I am still attracted to (after 3 kids and 16 years together) are our conversations and inside jokes. He is still wondefully fit, but I don't love him for his body, I love him for what's inside of it.

Anyways, that's one other (married) woman's opinion on the subject.

[Hans Solo]

I dont do things that women say they want.  I do things that women respond to.  Also, I only go after girls that have extremely high self esteems and are absolutely beautiful.  My personality, when I go out,  is extremely close to Tom Cruise in Top Gun (not quite so arrogant) .  You have to understand this is all done tongue in cheek.  FOr instance, you will joke around with your friends like this and it is ok because you know this is a form of rapport.  When you do these you HAVE to do it in a funny way.  I dont do negs on women I would rate as an 8, it is reserved for 9s and 10s.  Also, the neg does not feel like a slap in the face.  It is just teasing.  I treat them like a bratty little sister "I love em, but they annoy me."


ALSO: caution men.  Women will always say this type of stuff (see above).  This is because when you ask them what they want in a man they immediately think of a heart throb like Brad Pitt and say "how would I want Brad to treat me".  Well, I would want him to be nice, and sensitive, etc.  All the stuff I say is extremely scientific and well documented behavior of Alpha Male Men/animals and press evolutionary buttons in women.  Read ANY romance novel (women porn) and you will see that the man is a rebel that the women wants to tame.  It is never some lame kiss A** that worships the ground they walk on in the beginning.  Dont get me wrong I am a hopeless romantic, but know how to play the game.

women hate to love me

Hans (jedi master)

[Frank]

Ha ha ha, Hans Solo, you have some style, man, I'll grant you that. Cheers for your comments. You don't have to explain to me, I know the smile and the look into her eyes... and just the little hint of... and the just ... and the...

I know what you are saying brother. Ha ha, words cannot really explain that kind of stuff... I just know EXACTLY what you mean. It took me long enough to learn, lol.

With respect to Data and his opinions: a touchy-feely wussy, whoops, it sounds rather harsh of you to say. But believe me I do know what you mean, because I've seen guys make that mistake so many times.

I totally respect the fact that other guys may come to the conclusion that celibacy is for them. I'm treading carefully here because amongst us guys it's a touchy subject. But I just LOVE women, I ADORE them. I feel like I came here to enjoy them. I don't want to abuse them or anything. I want to be friendly with them and enjoy what they have to offer. As I say, I just love women. I simply couldn't live on this planet if there were no women.

The thing with me is I always loved the idea of being with a beautiful woman. I mean a really beautiful woman. Not just beauty in the eye of the beholder, so to speak, but a woman who could stop traffic. When I was younger, the thought used to drive me crazy. Problem is, I had to admit the fact that my face looks about as appealing as the back end of a double-decker bus.

Anyhow, I concentrated on 1) working on my body and, 2) my attitude... as these were the two things that I felt were completely under my control.

Now, at age 46, after having had some great relationships with some stunning-looking women (and currently do have). Two of which were actual photo models, one of whom was a dancer and yoga teacher. Ha ha, she was so darned flexible she taught me sexual positions that have still to be invented, lol. I would say that in the "chat up" stakes (although I very much dislike that term) attitude is the number 1 by a LONG way. But a nice body presents an excellent impression.

Provided you have the right attitude and a nice body, she will make up excuses to like your face. That is my experience, and she would have to make up some darned good excuses, lol, to like my face. Though I have yet to meet someone who will like my face long enough to complete a lifetime relationship... hmm...

So in a sense I was always playing catch up to the good-looking guys.

In my experience, the guys with a good-looking face win. Hans Solo, you are one lucky mother "F****R"...

For the rest of us, do not even try competing with these guys.

However, if all a guy has to offer is a face, when her attention moves down to your chest, for example, and your pectoral muscles are non-existent, you might find her wanting more, so to speak. Women love to be held and nothing holds a woman more securely that a pair of strong masculine arms.

As you hold her with your arms, she will want to snuggle into your chest and feel the heat of your (heart). Well, it won't be your heart exactly but your chest muscles. They don't have to be bodybuilder size. Don't get me wrong, my body is absolutely nowhere near body-builder size, but it's nowhere near your average 46 year old either.

All a guy really needs to do is, go to the gym, find the squat-rack and chest press and work on them. That way you'll create thighs and a butt that could crack a walnut and arms and a chest that will envelop them. Okay, you've gotta kind of work on your back too, and chest-press doesn't actually work your arms all that thoroughly so you'll have to think of a few extras... but you get what I mean.

This may not create all that much of an impression at 20-something. But I'm 40-something, 46 in fact, and for a guy my age it is very rare. So now I have that in my favour. Call it a long-term investment, lol.

So I would say to the "not" so good-looking guys then work on your body and your attitude. That is what I did, and it worked for me and I'm sure it will work for you too (provided you have all your personal hygiene and dress-sense in check).

Body is important if you do not have the facial looks. Otherwise, when you try out the "attitude" it simply won't add up. It'll feel like you are faking it. You'll look at yourself in the mirror and try to recite all the chat and you'll think, nope, that's not me. In other words, guys, you have to feel it first. Ha ha, I just thought, this 'aint astral-projection stuff this is normal guy stuff, so... you know what it's like! We have to live it!

It takes a lot of confidence to approach these luscious-looking lovelies.

It's easy to say, and don't get me wrong because I fully respect what you are saying Hans Solo, but at the time... wha-hay, you don't need to tell me, I know what it's like. You have approached her and said something and now you're just standing there looking into those gorgeous eyes, that mouth is just looking totally ravishing, but you know she's not gonna kiss you... she is gonna blow you out... the words hit you, and... yep, she 'aint smiling, lol. Ha ha, tell me about it.

With women, there just has to be that extra something. And if you don't have it, no amount of chat can make up for it. Okay, that's my experience, FWIW. But I've walked the talk in this, just as I have with the astral projection stuff.

Hans Solo: You started out by saying that possibly I was going to debunk you. No way! On the contrary, I would be very interested in hearing any other pointers you may have as I feel it is important to us "ordinary" guys. Some of your juicy "exploits" I am sure would go down very well as encouragement.

Yours,
Frank

[Frank]

Novice:

Thank you for your kind comments regarding my work, but this is Astral Chat. So, time to let one's hair down, so to speak. Although I "astral project" on a daily basis, I am also a man with some rather ordinary male needs, such as a loving relationship with a similarly inclined female (being a heterosexual focus).

Yours,
Frank

[Hans Solo]

Thanks for the kind words:

This post was long but it got lost

Ok briefly

1. Most guys are clueless in the gym.  they have about as much luck as an atheist astral projecting.  All they need is guidance, and a great book for this is Body for Life by Bill Phillips.  I got down to 5% body fat in college do this program and am getting on it again.  BTW, get myoplex at www.Vitaglo.com (will save 50% over GNC).

2.  Most guys suck at fashion and dressing themselves.  I personally dress like Constantine on American Idol.  I used to have no fashion sense until I started looking at fashion in magazines and movies and ask myself why certain things worked.  I have incredible fashion now.  GUYS:  GET GOOD SHOES.  A women will over look alot if you have nice shoes, clean fingernails/breath, and smell good (Marc Jacobs/ Dolce & Gabbana for men cologne).  I can hear the scream of "materialism" now.  Hold on, I got 2 pair of BCBG shoes, never worn, for $45 dollars (total) on Ebay.  Considering these are $179 a piece I got quite a deal.  I always get good deals.  Try and cut down on the number of blue shirts in your closet.

3.  Keep the sexual tension alive in a relationship.  NEVER let it go slack and become an Uber wussy once you are in a relationship.  Do the things that worked to get her.

4.  Get knowledgeable on sex.  This is a very touchy area that most men don't like exploring/ pursuing more knowledge on.  Put you egos aside and learn- you shall be rewarded.  If you don't know where the G spot is you are an amateur.  If you think the G spot is the best,you are an amateur.  Read David Shades Sex Manual--nothing like it in print.  You will learn about the DEEP SPOT-orgasm machine.  You see, most women have had Clitoral orgasms there entire life.  This is where they are very sensitive after they go and don't like to be touched.  Deep spot orgasms will be a whole body sensation and they can go and go and go (very powerful).  These are Extremely powerful and sometimes they will ejaculate  (looks like they are peeing).  Anyway, just read this book.  He gets into some hardcore stuff but just take whatever you are comfortable with.

5.  Learn the art of storytelling.  Weave fascinating tales in everyday conversation.  Tell the most mundane things in an interesting way.  For instruction on this watch the movie Don Juan Demarco (GREAT FLICK).  See how the way he talks about his reality becomes almost a drug to those around him.

Homework assignment:  Watch the ladies men in these movies and see what they all posses:  See how their realities are magnetic to those around them.
1. Top Gun (I know you have seen it---SEE IT AGAIN!)
2. Don Juan Demarco
3. Fight Club (Tyler Durdens character)
4. Die Another Day (bond)
5. Legends of the Fall (triston)
6. hans solo in star wars movies
7.The Tao of Steve
8. Thomas Crown Affair

Kiss tip:  Run you hand up the nap of her neck very softly until you come the base of her skull.  Close your hand into a fist (with hair inside silly) and gently pull.  This is an evolutionary trick and gets them very hot
continue to kiss passionately.  Dont just kiss normal either.  Sometimes I will tell them to stick out their tongue (in bed) and I will caress it with my tongue, then over her lips, etc.  Dont be normal or average be extra ordinary

Hans solo

[Frank]

Ha ha, so you know about the "orgasm" stuff as well. That's pretty powerful. I suppose that's putting it mildly. :)

"Try and cut down on the blue shirts in your closet" I like it! I'm sure many of the guys here will pick up a lot of tips.

Yours,
Frank

[mactombs]

they have about as much luck as an atheist astral projecting

Actually, I started astral projecting as an atheist, so it clearly isn't impossible.  

I think you have good tips, too, Hans Solo. But be careful to not become too metro-sexual ... I guess that relates to becoming wussy, though.

I'm surprised I haven't seen a lot about other womanly traits that can be very sexy, such as high intelligence, charisma, and so forth. There's only so much you can tolerate a lovely body and a lousy mind. There's got to be a balance there for anything long-term.

[alexd]

Haha my girlfriend also doesn't like it when I wear blue shirts, I don't know what's with that.

Those are good tips Hans Solo. I think it all comes down to confidence and respect, and being able to express it in a special way.


Alex

[data]

Well, there you go Hans, Novice(a woman) has told you how repulsive she has found you. As I said, every woman is different, and most women, believe it or not, will go for 'nice guys' for long term relationships.

It's not that you are playing with her. She is playing with you too.

Finally, being confident is what I can definitely agree with. However, you can't pretend to be confident, and if you do, someone will call your bluff and make you look like a "wussy" Being confident, does not mean not being yourself. Your true self is confident. Always has been.

Rather, than telling people to follow formulas(which will not work for every women, mind you) Give them tips on cultivating their self confidence. That is all you need.

Thanks Novice, for a 40% woman's perspective

Frank, regarding my comment on celibacy. I love women as much as the next guy, but I look for more than just body(90%?), I look for soul. Yes, I may have some issues with going for someone who is particularly unattractive, but at the same time I won't go hankering after very beautiful women. Most of the time I find them to be very cold just at a single glance or in a single conversation. Not to sound arrogant, but I actually reject them. I tend to go for attractive, intelligent and warm women/ I also like the "cute" quality.

However, as I said, if I never found a woman like that again, I am very content in remaining celibate. As I said , sex does not make me or break me. I don't need it. I could say I have gone beyond that as a human being and seen it for nothing but a temporary pleasure, that pales to insignificance in front of the indelible impression of pure love.  I don't go looking for women. I never have. It is just not me. I just let life flow and let things happen. If there is true love in my destiny, then it will happen. If I am suppose to be celibate, then it will happen.

You could say I am spiritual. I say I am just sensible and mature and have self-respect

[Kazbadan]

I must be quick now (got to go):

1st- HANS SOLO, whats that about blue shirts? Is that so ugly for womens?

2- DO you have an email? I would like to contact you (dont worry...i am not going to throw a lot of emails to you...just have a few questions).

thanks

[Novice]

ALSO: caution men. Women will always say this type of stuff (see above). This is because when you ask them what they want in a man they immediately think of a heart throb like Brad Pitt and say "how would I want Brad to treat me". Well, I would want him to be nice, and sensitive, etc. All the stuff I say is extremely scientific and well documented behavior of Alpha Male Men/animals and press evolutionary buttons in women. Read ANY romance novel (women porn) and you will see that the man is a rebel that the women wants to tame. It is never some lame kiss A** that worships the ground they walk on in the beginning. Dont get me wrong I am a hopeless romantic, but know how to play the game.

As I mentioned in my last post Han, I am not the typical woman. I have never read a romance novel (the outside covers alone make me nauseus). I don't consider Brad Pitt hot or attractive. To me, he's average. Same with Tom Cruise. But again, I've never gone for the bad guy type nor the pretty boy type (which I classify Cruise as). However, you are correct that the vast majority of women (note, not ALL) do seem to be attracted to these types. And for the life of me, I can't figure out why. (I personally am hoping for some evolutionary leap in that area at some point in time).

However I do not think that women want men catering to their every whim either. There needs to be room for some indepedence on both sides. There is a balance between these two extremes that I personally find the most attractive. It doesn't have to be all or nothing in this area.

Now, I will agree with you and Frank about attitude, if by that you mean what I would term 'charisma'. There have been a few guys I have known in high school and college who had this. They weren't very attractive at all physically. One was short and stocky, another short and lean and a third one who was tall with an average build. None were built very well as far as muscles go. But they all would have girls stop them on campus and ask to kiss them. I always just laughed at this because I found it hilarious. They weren't cocky, as much as they were confident. But by confident I mean they simply liked who they were. They were content and happy with themselves and it showed to everyone around them. They didn't care what others thought. That kind of confidence, being happy with who you are, is very attractive to people of both genders I think. Its a presence they have about them. They can walk in to a room and turn heads without making any noise of there appearance. There are woman who can do this as well. There is this magnetism you can turn off and on whenever you want (yes, speaking from experience here). So if this is what you are describing as far as attitude, then yes I do agree with you.

As for the tricks and tips on "how to get a woman", I'll leave you to discuss hunting procedures with the other men as that's not really what I'm interested in!  

And for the record, I don't find Han repulsive, simply amusing. I have no negative emotions towards him whatsoever. As I mentioned, his techniquest don't work on ALL woman, but they do work on many. And for those men who disagree with what he is saying, I simply wanted to assure you that not all women find these approaches attractive. And that doesn't mean these women are "lower than an 8". It simply means they have different priorities to which they are attracted. Play to your strengths and you'll find the right person.

Good Luck![/list]

[data]

Novice, you did say "you were turned of by what he said" I would say it was being repulsed, hence repulsive. Yeah, I understand however, that word does carry a few connotations, that makes it sound more harsh than it is really.

I just want to share something else. Have you heard the saying "She's playing hard to get" or "He is playing hard to get"  no offense Hans, but most of the women you try to pull with the "arrogant, cocky" routine, already know what you're doing. Those who bite, are only biting, because they want to play as well. I am sure women have their own tricks up their sleeve. Did you see "sex in the city"?

I actually found that program amusing. It's hilarious when you see people so obsessed with sex, and all they ever talk about is sex. There is so much more to life than these superficial hedonistic pursuits. As one philosopher put it, the unquestioned life is not worth living. Sometimes, it seems that people have not evolved past the animals. That is unfortunate.

Unfortunately, there is something called reality, and remaining oblivious to it,  because one is caught up in games, is not going to change it.  It's great having fun with life, but the universe is a not a vast playground, it is also a place of work, worship, loving and growth and contemplation.

When someone tells me they would rather live this kind of life, than pursue their self, what I am really hearing is, people want to remain asleep. It's all about that red pill and blue pill business.

It's not relative really. While, some people choose a life of worldly and hedonistic pursuits and limit themselves to their body, others expand themselves intellectually and spiritually, and become much wiser and enlightened, gain greater understanding of themselves and life, and almost become superhuman. They are much superior and they can lead the sleeping masses, teach them, or some even take advantage of them.

Again, you got to respect and admire the governments of this world, who pull strings and make everyone dance. Look at the Bush government for instance, how they are making everyone give up their freedom, for a promise of security or how they have rallied up people to support  and pay for meaningless wars. I can't help but admire that.

Now, it is a sensitive affair, to say one kind of person is more superior than another. People, don't like being told that. However, could it not be said Krishna, Buddha or Jesus was superior to the common man? Could it not be said Einstein was superior to the common man? Could it not be said God is superior to man?

Could it not be said that Neo is superior to everyone else in the Matrix?  Personally, I think it can be said. Certain paths in life are superior to others. If, people have chosen inferior paths, they have every right to, but that does not change the fact that it is an inferior path.

Sex, as most masters will tell you, is an inferior act, committed by inferior people, ignorant, foolish and unwise people. Love is superior act, committed by superior people(masters, angels, selfless people) One is unreal and ego related. Another is real and soul related. No one can convince me that there no distinction between man and god. The distinction is infinite. Just like the distinction between an atom and  the universe is infinite.  A man who thinks otherwise, is foolish, and reality will eventually catch up and show him that.

[micko]

David DeAngelo.. Don Juan.. So Suave.. ASF..

Hoorah.. good stuff Hans