Dealing with a racist co-worker

[Novice]

Why don't you ever see anybody refer to another human being by the color of their eyes?

lol  I have OFTEN said this exact same thing! Why stop at skin? Why not differentiate based on eye color or hair color. Although I guess blonds do have their fair share of jokes. I personally have never understood the whole concept that different colored skin makes you different but different colored hair or eyes is ok.   

If he is just kiding with the boys and not saying ugly things to black people its ok

But I think Interception is correct, his co-worker isn't kidding. If he was, he would not be conscientious enough NOT to make jokes with blacks in the same room because he knows they would be offended. If he is aware enough to watch what he says around whom, then I think there is more than 'good-natured' joking as the reason for the comments.

There is also something called "reverse racism"...... please think about that for a while.

I agree here as well. I haven't noticed it very often, but I have experienced it myself. I worked my way through college at a copy shop and there were both whites and blacks on staff at the store. One black man was very nice, but was blatantly prejudiced against whites. I don't know how many times he would pass by 3 or 4 white customers in line, to help the first black person in line. And he always began with something like "how can I help you my brother". None of the customers felt comfortable saying anything to him about it, but everyone looked annoyed. Then one day he did it to a black man, with that same greeting. The man pointed out that there were other people ahead of him in line. The co-worker didn't even look at the others. Instead he just gave his head a nod and repeated himself. By now the two other customers were being helped. The black customer finally looked at me, this small white girl, and in an exasperated voice asked "Miss, can you help me." It was all I could do not to laugh out loud. It was like a huge slap in the face to my co-worker.

I think its like anything else in life. Being proud and confident of who and what you are is a wonderful thing. But it needs to stop at the point at which it becomes uncomfortable or rude to others, regardless of their race, gender, nationality, etc. And I know I'm preaching to the choir here.

There are procedures yes, but I if I do go that route it is going to become very unpleasant. So much so that I will be forced to find alternative employment. He has a much more experience in what we do, than me. Its just me and him running the unit. So its likely he will stay, and I will go.
I dont want that either, if I can help it....not right now.

Actually, misterjingo's question was exactly what I was thinking as well. And I'm sure it depends upon the country and corresponding laws/tolerances. In the US, there needs to be proof of the offense. If it is proved, 'theoretically' the guilty person is punished, not the person making the claim. Of course, I said 'theoretically' because unfortunately, the person making the claim can become an unofficial target in retaliation if the person found guilty was popular or powerful within the company. Even though it is not supposed to happen like that here in the US, everyone knows that it does. And its usually done so inconspicuously that it is difficult to actually prove. I guess that's the kind of reprisal you are also worried about.

It isn't an easy to answer question and I think the solution is highly subjective. It basically comes down to "what is your comfort level?" Everyone has lines of their own that they won't cross. You need to determine what you will and will not tolerate. And then you need to figure out what your options are if/when you are faced with whatever it is you won't tolerate. Thus far, you verbalizing your discomfort at the remarks puts them at bay for awhile, but not permanently. Are you willing to simply keep mentioning this whenever he makes a comment? Or are you getting to the point where you need to take it one step further? Even if you don't want to officially 'report' him to HR (in the US the department that handles these types of issues is called Human Relations) or whatever the equivalent is in your country, the least you could do would be to talk to someone there about additional suggestions. You don't need to mention names, but tell them you are having this problem and ask them what they would suggest you do. They may be able to give you some other options you hadn't thought of yet.

I once had somebody come up to me and call me 'homeboy'. I remember thinking "homeboy? wait a minute, thats not my name. Its not what my mom named me. Has he lost his mind?" I don't like it either when people call me that dreaful N word.

I completely agree with everything you said. I've never heard anyone actually use the word homeboy, but I've heard it in movies. Its another word I would never use. Just like there are words used to describe/call women that I will never utter for the same reason. I find them rude beyond words.

And I simply cannot tolerate the N word either. I've seen it used in movies where a black person will call another one by that name. I cringe everytime I hear it. I don't care whose mouth utters it, I personally find it extremely offensive .... and I'm not even black. 

[interception]

i dont really understand why you are sighing.. never said all the people i knew from SA are like that.. just a few..  in fact one mate is very tolerable of anything.

I sighed because there is a stigma clinging to white skinned South Africans regarding racism. A stigma that inevitably tainted this discussion a bit.

[interception]

Thanks, Novice, for the insightful comments. 

[Sunn]

I sighed because there is a stigma clinging to white skinned South Africans regarding racism. A stigma that inevitably tainted this discussion a bit.

yes but it is true.. never said EVERY white person from south africa is a racist.. but a few people know from there generally are.