finally done! (just beginning)

[Karxx Gxx]

Hello all. I enjoy posting somewhere as I dont really share my internal-ness with others. One day perhaps they will go through all the messages here. Anywho, this is going to sound weird but I honestly didnt think there was an alternative way of living besides enlightenment for me. The second best was just living in the highest state possible (such as thinking of things that get your heart going) and processing all of negative emotions out. That and observing. I spent a lot of time trying to find my flow. I was tired of battling myself on how I should be, what is natural and so on. But today I hit a massssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssive milestone.

One way of living that just always apeals to me is having fun and I wouldnt jepordize doing that over being of service of others. Just didnt feel right when my brain thought 'what if you have to sacrifice fun to help others'. I love helping more than anything, but helping yourself first is most important to me. Ofc you can do both, but I really didnt like that thought. STILL I put being satisfied with myself over having fun so I was willing to let go of anything to be at peace.

Anywho, sometimes I laugh without knowing. I kinda sorta barely get the jist but I could never put it in words 95% of the time. It happened mostly when I became aware that i was being unaware (such as daydreaming) and wanted to practice being aware. Each time I would just smile big, like a huge half grin   =J     something like that lol. It felt llike it was another part of myself that I wasnt really connected to.
And now, I feel like I am more connected with that part because I am finally choosing how to be. One idea that I had was to first channel my higherself so I can know what to do. I would really ignore my thoughts and concentrate on my heart/feelings 80% of the time.  bleh, ill shorten this up. Ill get serious about making something understandable soon enough.

So back to having fun, I found a way to have sooooo much fun just about all of the time. I finally said 'ok, ill try listening to my thoughts now'. Ive done this in REALLY short spurts. like 1 minute but I always talk myself out as doubt in that decion came in. Now dont get me wrong, you should be in a good state of being if you want to do this. Also you have to be in tune with yourself to know which thoughts are good enough to follow. With all thoughts there is a certain energy behind it, so if you can figure out which thoughts feel like what, and how you feel about that yourself then you are gucci.

They are making me get butterflies on tasks they say! Sounds crazy when I say they lol. ill give a dialog. Ill call the thoughts my team and me-me.

Team: do jumping jacks
me: I do them
Team: push ups
me:i do them
Team: now go hug your mom
me: gets butterflies as I dont really just hug my mom but I know she will love it oh she's outside. I can do it later
Team: go outside
me: goes outside. Oh shes down the road with her friends, im shirtless and dont have my glasses, ill do it later.

And i start to realize I keep making excuses and such! I would always do some type of meditation or w.e when I didnt know what to do.

me: what should i do?
Team: clean your room
me: uggg. ok ok   
I get interupted or distracted and later come back in my room
me: Man, i am really dodging this. why?!
team: cause you a bish
me: lol. Really? Im the one that keeps on making these lesser good choices? I feel like im the ego i was trying to get rid of to be enlightened!

later on
me: what should i do
team: (they tell me to do something crazy)
me: no way!     hahahaha, oh yeah. i remember a vid that said to not just do things because 'pleadians told me to'. I get what yall trying to do
team/me: yeah, you also have to be ok with making your own decisions and being ok with it.

With my whole letting go of things, im pretty flexible of anything happening. I would do things I didnt want to do at some point just to switch it up, and i ended up fine ofc.

Anywho, I couldnt make this sound less crazy haha, but it's so weird. It's just like any other day but im contiously a little bit excited for the future. Im having fun and that vibration is going to bring more fun. I couldnt have asked for a better outcome. This is better than just doing a mediation then becoming enlightened. It's a challange! It gets me out of my comfort zone. The excited is the butterfies. Some interpret that as nervous too.     Imagine dancing in front of your friends? It's that type of feeling. You have no reason not to. It's perfectably accaptable and no one cares what dance moves you pull out. People will smile at your weirdness and you will feel good for going past your boundaries. Yet somehow you talk yourself out of it.

I challange thee to do it! how short or long; how professional or goofy; how plain or unique. You can just bop, fist pump, side to side, it doesnt matter. Then see how you feel. notice your thoughts.

It's something to push you past your comfort zone! If you think you done it all, and on your path, and accept who you are; If you think 'i wont do it because its not me. its not something i dont want to do' then you fooled yourself!

Reality is nothing but a big ol dance party. 

Stay groovy 

[desert-rat]

I dont get it . In any case I am a bad dancer . 

[Nameless]

In other words you are listening to your thoughts and acting on them without judging the reason behind them. Sounds super spontaneous to me and just might be the ticket that some should give a try. Can't hurt. lesson of course your thoughts tell you to do really inappropriate or 'bad' things.