Finally making sense of myself!

[DREAMINGwithEYESwideOPEN]

Hey everyone!
First let me start off by introducing myself. My name is Alexa, I'm a 23 year old licensed hair dresser, and for as long as I can remember I have always felt "different".
It's a feeling that I've never really been able to describe, not to myself, or anyone else for that matter. I've always felt as if my thought process and the way I view the world was not only incomprehensible for others, but also myself. At times it even felt as if I wasn't even a part of the same reality that everyone else seemed to describe. My dreams have always been extremely vivid and when closing my eyes or just "spacing out" I see extremely vibrant and visible images that I am not able to put into words or even make sense of. Most are just random images that, for as far as I know right now, are meaningless, but some are very dark and disturbing. I consider myself to be quite intelligent (not in an arrogant "I'm smarter than everyone else kind of way) but when I speak it can seem quite the contrary. I have always struggled with stuttering, stumbling over my words, being able to hear exactly what I want to say inside my head but when I open my mouth gibberish or nothing at all coming out. It's extremely frustrating and has caused a lot of conflict throughout my life due to people misunderstanding or misconstruing what I say. I've also always, even before I really had any reason to be, been extremely depressed, lonely and at times hopeless. I have always just felt this unexplainable void and am constantly trying to fill it and seek out some kind of meaning or purpose to my life.
There are plenty of other examples but I don't want to keep rambling, so my overall point is this, after 23 years of feeling like a lonely, lost, little weird girl (haha), I have finally landed on an abundance of information that has not only made sense of it all, but has showed me that I'm not alone and I am on the correct path! I have never in my life felt more confident and at peace. Can't wait to get involved in all the amazing discussions going on here, stay true friends!

<3 Alexa

[Lionheart]

 Hello and Welcome to the Astral Pulse! 

If you are crazy then I am too! 

Join the club, there's always room for more here 

On more of a serious note though. No, your not crazy, I call it "special" in the best sense of the word. All my life I have never really understood why Humans act and do what they do. Why they seem to struggle so much, fall into ruts etc.. I realize it's our choice to be here, to learn the things we do at this "school" here on Earth. But I see many people that repeat the same errors and over again, like they oblivious to their teachings. But, I guess it's easier to judge this when you are observing it from the outside and not living it as they are.

I close my eyes often and practice my NPR focus. Sometimes I feel more at home in the NPR then I do here. Actually I should say more times than not.

I found this "gift/abitlity" accidentally one time in the shower a couple of years ago when I got soap in my eyes. I closed my eyes and saw that I was teetering on the side of a tremendous Waterfall. I almost ripped my shower curtains down I was so disoriented. Now and then I just close my eyes to see what is there once in awhile.

I used to stutter when I was younger. I overcame it, but saw that my mind was always working a mile a minute. So fast that I would jumble my words together or get stuck in sentences. When I learned to relax more and observe, I finally overcame it.

The only times I feel depressed is when I feel alone here, even in a crowd. I know this is not my Home. I try to make it home, but that only works for so long.

  Enjoy your stay! 

[DREAMINGwithEYESwideOPEN]

So total buzzkill to my mood showcased in my previous post...
My boyfriend read my journal last night, which is about as close as you can get to being inside my brain...and literally thinks I'm "losing it". His exact words.
Proof that my spiritual journey really is going to be a lonely one.

[Infining]

It doesn't have to be lonely!

I thought I was alone, but after stumbling upon this forum I learned that I'm quite the opposite. Look through the whole forum, it is the best resource I have found for spiritual awakening, astral projection, and many more that doesn't try to raid my empty pockets. Astral Pulse is really a great place to be among those who are going and who have already gone through what you are. Not trying to tell you that it has all the answers or even right answers, but this community is a great start.

[Lionheart]

So total buzzkill to my mood showcased in my previous post...
My boyfriend read my journal last night, which is about as close as you can get to being inside my brain...and literally thinks I'm "losing it". His exact words.
Proof that my spiritual journey really is going to be a lonely one.

That's his loss not yours!    

You don't have to prove anything to him or anyone else besides yourself. Just remember Einstein, Tesla and all others that think outside of the box were categorized as insane as well. People attack what they don't understand and fear.  

He is right, your spiritual Journey is a solo act. It's not a "group" Journey, its a personal one.  

But we (total strangers) are here for you, even if he isn't!  

[CFTraveler]

Eventually you'll gravitate towards like minded people.