Communication Failure

[Nathan]

I feel that I can project myself with little or no difficulty. I am 18 years of age and I am just graduating high school. However, I have a problem. I used to be quite proficient and confident in my abilities to project and to bring people places, I feel that it's my job. Anyway, I spent my last year in high school where the energy was so polluted I was surrounded in dark red energy and I was the only blue there. I didn't quite understand, whether it was their jealousy that I was always happy and feeling good, or their energy that understood my presence. Either way, now I have problems with OBE.  I'm still very good at it, I know how to do it, but I don't let myself go anymore. When I grow I stop myself and when I enjoy myself I kill the experience and the experience of others around me without wanting to.

I really want to connect with people again, but I'm afraid of harming others if that's possible. I think I'm powerful, but lets say if I doubt myself in mid progression with others following me - I kill the experience, and shrink down and stop loving my inner spirit. So here I am leading the way rainbow bright, then all of a sudden I doubt myself, kill the connection and everyone who was with me is now falling or whatever happens.

I am scared to be myself now that I've lost faith. I am still capable of what I did before. People still notice me, but I can't seem to believe in myself. Please help, I don't know what to do.

Ive been trying to heal myself for a long time, and more often than not I heal myself completely. I can never seal the deal however, and I can never surface properly and stay there.

I'm unhappy with this circumstance, and I feel like I have a job to do.

I'm glad I found this forum because it seems to be filled with knowledgeable people. I hope this post isn't too confusing....

Nathan

[Telos]

Wow. As I read this it felt like you were my long lost brother or something. I know just how you feel.

I too feel an obligation to connect with people in their dreams and show them their potential. I once was very good at directing these kinds of experiences, but I was never able to confirm their validity. Due to other circumstances I've found myself in a similar position to yours. I'm afraid of misleading others or appearing where I'm not welcome. I kill the experience reflexively so I do not lose myself to self-delusionment.

I am proud to know that there is someone else who takes this obligation seriously, and knows a job must be done. Perhaps... it is because we take it too seriously? I am not sure how that is possible, since this subject is so significant.

Thank you for coming here. I'm sure that we'll solve our problems eventually.

[mactombs]

I think maybe you are taking it too seriously. I don't think it is possible to harm people by connecting to them in their dreams. I remember my dreams very often and in quite some depth - I doubt there's anything you could bring into my dreams that would be more shocking, disturbing, frightening etc. than stuff I've already encountered. Even if you did, people tend to wake up and say, that was an interesting dream, and forget about it.

Maybe you aren't taking it too seriously, you're taking your fears about it too seriously.

[Telos]

I doubt there's anything you could bring into my dreams that would be more shocking, disturbing, frightening etc. than stuff I've already encountered.

MacT, I think there's a distinction between the content of an experience and its form. I certainly agree with you that I could not master content that is more schocking, disturbing, etc. than what you've already encountered. Everything from the evening news to the most mundane horror films manage to have content covered. However, the form is significant, not dependent on imagery, sensation, or even emotion in the everyday sense of the term. Indeed it may be argued that these things are causally dependent on form. What Frank calles the FoC model I think is similar to this "formal" distinction. But let me say that I am not trying to amend Frank's model but merely use it for comparison.

From my own experience, I conjecture that for every tear-inducing ecstasy of F4oC there is a soul-crushing misery of equal magnitude. Whereas the F4oC experience would change your life to think the universe is made of pure love, its counterpart would change you to think it was made out of pure hate. Again, I do not understand the meaning of the label "F4oC" as well as Frank, and to be fair he has not discussed it much. But I have chosen heretofore not to discuss this because I thought it would be confusing and counterproductive (and because it is met with flowery posts of "the universe is love" acting as first aid bandages).

It may end up being that this formal distinction is not a productive one. So no need to take this as an assertion. But so far I've found it difficult to ignore the consequence of whatever it is that I've ascribed the word "form." I have had such conscious experiences that were neither desired nor welcomed, and were difficult to change, because although I had significant control over content, the formal element evaded my blind grasp. In other instances particularly the the more powerful ones, I seemed to have form on a stick. I am wary of possibly contributing to a "formal disfunction" in the experiences of others, while clumsily trying to show that they have the power to grasp it themselves.

I apologize if this sounds ostentatious.

[mactombs]

I guess I don't understand what it is you mean by connecting with people. I don't understand the risks involved, either, it would seem.

[Telos]

Actually... now that I think of it, I don't know exactly what I mean by connecting with people either. I've been keeping it too implicit.

You helped me a geat deal today, mactombs. Thank you.

[Nathan]

I understand exactly what you're talking about Telos. I have also however, been on a 10 month learning curve. Working towards building myself up again, in a more defensive way. As I said before, my initial downfall was from people who didn't understand the ways of energy and were very much absorbed in their ego.

These kinds of people aren't to be helped overly. Unless they come to you for guidance, then you can break their ego(If you know how)

I am finding now however, that the most important thing we can do, is remember not to take things so seriously, but more importantly not so personally. Just because we mess things up, doesn't make a huge difference. Our fear of messing things up creates a psychosomatic pattern that will keep us in that state unless we try to do something to counteract it.

Breathing is always a very good thing, I find what you and I both experience is almost a matter anti matter flux where absolute confidence and doubt co-incide.  Basically an absolute yes or no experience. Like I said, breath, take it slow. Make sure you're in your body, don't forget to use both sides of your brain.

I find that I am the most lost if I'm feeling very spacey. Spacey can be a good thing, it means you're creative and are not bound but, if you have no reference point, your existence becomes null and you lose perspective of where your creativity should stem from. Think of your energy as the essentials to  life, then put a mind on it to rationalize it within our society. The thinking you do outside the box, can be put inside the "Box". Don't forget to believe in your physical body, because that is your other reference point... The Soul Body and Mind are all equally important. They  balance each other out. A person who is very anal retentive and stereotypically very old style,  like a person born in the 50s. This was a suppressive time in my opinion and I think they're missing something. I think we all know this kind of person.

In certain situations I think we're missing what they have, but, we know how to get it. Just imagine yourself in your body, and your energy stemming out from there. We have all our energy in out body, because your soul went through the liberty of imprinting itself into your brain so as to have a place to breath from and have its own grid in the space time axis. It doesn't have to be shining as one at all times.

The energy is there, you just need to case it up, and let people talk to you, but don't take it so seriously. They're just words. Our body knows how to do it, and our mind knows what is it, and our soul understands it.

"The most important people, sometimes think they are the least important"

Nathan

[Telos]

Nathan, I customarily do not understand the word "energy" in this context. Although I have felt vigor, vibrancy, verve (and other "energetic emotions"), I've never seen any salient dynamic to crystalize in such a manner. I tend to see the use of this word as an antagonizing force between scientists and new agers. I regret that I will not be able to engage you in discussions about understanding the ways of energy.

From reading your post, I think that you and I have very similar goals, but are taking nominally different paths. Good luck.