Getting rid of demonic thoughtforms

[DASH Project]

Ever since May/June 2011, I have on-and-off been troubled by visions of fire and demons, with a variety of associated symptoms, as well as seeing demons or "shadows" out of the corner of my eyes or behind me, giving me the sensation of being followed. I also experience hot flashes of varying intensity, and also may feel a "presence" or pressure on either my back or various parts of my right side, like something is touching me there. When these visions come, they usually come to me when I am experiencing very high levels of a very specific fear. The fear in question is a very intense, irrational phobia of eternal damnation, as I am not a Christian (I follow my own religion) and I am happy that way, if not quite insecure that my beliefs are false, and I will go to Hell for not being an evangelical Christian. It is such an intense fear that it causes me to see and feel these symptoms. No other fear of mine does this.

I think that these "demons" are actually demonic thoughtforms/tulpas that I accidentally created from this constant, cancerous fear of eternal damnation, and which like all thoughtforms are independent and possess free will, but they feed on my fear. I notice that the forms they usually take resemble stereotypical depictions of demons, the Devil or other horned characters I've seen in fiction, which may be evidence that they are thoughtforms. Most of the fire has already gone away, apparently following a traditional healing ceremony a Native American friend of my mom's did for me...she did another earlier today to get rid of the demons, though they have not gone yet. I am grateful the fire is gone, though.

Unfortunately meditation and visualization doesn't work to get rid of them, as pretty much ANY helpful being, angel or spirit guide I visualize to help me sprouts horns and turns into a demon as well. In fact, visualization makes things worse most of the time, as the lack of control I have over what I am seeing makes me panic, and the panic intensifies the visuals. I say a prayer every night for archangels to cast out the demons while I sleep, and that doesn't work that well either. The spirit guide told me only I can get rid of these demons, because I was the one who created them, and that visualizing and focusing on them only makes them stronger. And yet it is almost impossible for me to stop "checking back" to see if the demons are gone yet or not. Any suggestions?

[Szaxx]

Everything sensed and feared is known to you. What does that say in itself?
These forced issues are deep rooted, from very early in life a constant bombardment of hell fire and damnation is used as a method of compliance.
Its all poppycock. Its a fear based belief system , nothing more.
A centuries old way of taking money or goods for ... or burning forever.

If I came to your door saying "You have to buy this white piece of holy paper or your sins will end you in a ball of flames tonight. Its 10 bucks." A  totally unmarked sheet of copier paper, you'd send me on my way empty handed.
Don't be conned by belief, especially fear based controlling ones.

[DASH Project]

Everything sensed and feared is known to you. What does that say in itself?

Well first-off, I'm not sure if ALL of them are based on or combined from images I have seen before, but that is what's most likely. But yes, I have experienced these beings before, some of which I recognize from the previous two times in my life this has happened, although they frequently change visual form. I guess because I know these images from before kinda means they are just thoughtforms I created. But I would still be lying if I said I was not afraid of them.

These forced issues are deep rooted, from very early in life a constant bombardment of hell fire and damnation is used as a method of compliance.
Its all poppycock. Its a fear based belief system , nothing more.
A centuries old way of taking money or goods for ... or burning forever.

I first found out about Hell when I was five, but I didn't know that the evangelical Christians believed everyone who wasn't one of them went there until I was in high school (and even my first years of college,) and was hassled regularly by fundamentalist Christians. Over the years I guess it all led up to this deep fear.

If I came to your door saying "You have to buy this white piece of holy paper or your sins will end you in a ball of flames tonight. Its 10 bucks." A  totally unmarked sheet of copier paper, you'd send me on my way empty handed.

Damn straight I would.

Don't be conned by belief, especially fear based controlling ones.

I keep hearing a voice in the back of my mind telling me that it's all false, that I have nothing to be afraid of, and I have even read recent documents that have evidence of an afterlife that in all due respect SHOULD have killed off my fear of damnation once and for all, but my irrational fear persists, telling me that what I am seeing and feeling is "actual" evidence of Hell's existence. So not to play the victim card, but it's really hard to trust ANY belief at this time, especially when the demons don't magically fade away when I'm momentarily not suffering from this awful fear.

[Lionheart]

Damn straight I would.

...and there lies your problem. Now, what are you going to do to change it?

[Szaxx]

You have the required determination. Its time to use it on these deep seated fears.
There are so many wars based on different religious beliefs through time and still they persist today.
Its a pointless show of aggressive behavior and I for one refuse to tolerate it. The end result is chaos, that is it in a nutshell. You are at war with yourself and this is just as pointlesss.
Spare a thought for your sanity, why tie yourself down to something you have no proof of. Words of deciet effectively, because those involved haven't evolved past the point of self realisation, they drag you along.

A scape goat also exists in this religion too. In the end when the last breath is drawn you could repent and ask for Jesus to forgive you. Its a major issue and a back door to keep in mind.
Thoughtforms exist as long as they are prominent in thoughts. Take away the false belief and you take away their existance.
Some thinking to do, evolve and become self aware. You'll find life changes drastically for the better.

[DASH Project]

...and there lies your problem. Now, what are you going to do to change it?

Actually, what I meant to say was, I would definitely send that person away if he told me that thing. Sorry if you didn't understand. If someone came to my door telling me I needed to repent or go to Hell, I would just shut the door on that person with no second thoughts.

A scape goat also exists in this religion too. In the end when the last breath is drawn you could repent and ask for Jesus to forgive you. Its a major issue and a back door to keep in mind.

No way! I will NEVER convert out of fear...that is just adding to the problem. There has got to be another way, especially since I don't believe in literal demons.

Thoughtforms exist as long as they are prominent in thoughts. Take away the false belief and you take away their existance.
Some thinking to do, evolve and become self aware. You'll find life changes drastically for the better.

Actually, I HAVE noticed that in the past, when they have gone away before, them going away seemed to be connected to my giving up that fear at some point or another, just as them coming back seems to be almost always connected to my having a major outbreak of this fear, as I have said before. I also notice that when I am preoccupied with doing other things, they seem to fade out, only to come back again when I check to see if they are gone. My spirit guide tells me to focus on other things and not constantly meditate trying to "will" them away, as that will only make them stronger. In a way I already might know what I have to do, just doing it is really, really hard.

[Lionheart]

My spirit guide tells me to focus on other things and not constantly meditate trying to "will" them away, as that will only make them stronger. In a way I already might know what I have to do, just doing it is really, really hard.

Your Spirit Guide is right! 

The more you meditate on trying to "will" them away, the more you are focusing on them in general. You don't want to focus them at all.

It's like an itch when you are trying to meditate. The more you try to ignore the itch, the more you are actually focusing on it. Which in turn works against you.

[DASH Project]

Your Spirit Guide is right! 

But I'm not sure it's even a good idea to listen to her...the "spirit guide" I heard tell me this is actually a being I had made up in order to help me cope with fear. She was originally created by me in order to help me get through the December 21st 2012 transition, but now I meditate on thinking of her to help me get through other fears, with slightly less success. I had no idea she was real at some level, and actually spoke to me so clearly regarding what to do about these thoughtforms. Should I still listen, even if she might not be real? Perhaps it was another ACTUALLY real spirit guide speaking through her, or appearing to me as her? All I know is for the past week she is one of the only beings I can still hear clearly, and generally can visualize without her morphing into a demon.

The more you meditate on trying to "will" them away, the more you are focusing on them in general. You don't want to focus them at all.

It's like an itch when you are trying to meditate. The more you try to ignore the itch, the more you are actually focusing on it. Which in turn works against you.

Okay pump the breaks for a second...ignoring them means I'm focusing on them? But if I go do other things then isn't that ignoring? Or does it just apply to meditation and focusing on them then. I do know that currently I am seeing inverted pentagrams on the walls, sometimes with demon faces on them, among other demons...I don't see them in my peripheral vision when I am doing other things like typing this message or playing video games, but as soon as I check back to see if they're gone, they come back. My spirit guide warned me against doing that, but it's so hard not to do it, especially when I can see or "feel" them behind me or to my side, and of course the hot flashes. Earlier I sprayed one of the pentagrams with a sacred "smudge" type fluid or mist, and I saw it break apart and fade away...but then I checked back to see if it was still gone, and it reformed itself. God damn it's so hard not to do that!

I also kinda feel like I should tell the demons to leave or call upon archangels or something to cast them out, but I've found that that does nothing, presumably because part of me doesn't believe it will work or refuses to trust that it'll work, or is not yet ready to let go of the demons and the fear. My spirit guide has told me, and you all have told me that I need to focus on other things and work on getting rid of this fear, and the thoughtforms will follow. But it's so hard to do.

I'm just grateful that the demons don't affect my dreams at all, and never have. That could be more evidence that they are thoughtforms and as such do not exist at a higher level such as a dream.

[Lionheart]

But I'm not sure it's even a good idea to listen to her...the "spirit guide" I heard tell me this is actually a being I had made up in order to help me cope with fear. She was originally created by me in order to help me get through the December 21st 2012 transition, but now I meditate on thinking of her to help me get through other fears, with slightly less success. I had no idea she was real at some level, and actually spoke to me so clearly regarding what to do about these thoughtforms. Should I still listen, even if she might not be real? Perhaps it was another ACTUALLY real spirit guide speaking through her, or appearing to me as her? All I know is for the past week she is one of the only beings I can still hear clearly, and generally can visualize without her morphing into a demon.

Okay pump the breaks for a second...ignoring them means I'm focusing on them? But if I go do other things then isn't that ignoring? Or does it just apply to meditation and focusing on them then. I do know that currently I am seeing inverted pentagrams on the walls, sometimes with demon faces on them, among other demons...I don't see them in my peripheral vision when I am doing other things like typing this message or playing video games, but as soon as I check back to see if they're gone, they come back. My spirit guide warned me against doing that, but it's so hard not to do it, especially when I can see or "feel" them behind me or to my side, and of course the hot flashes. Earlier I sprayed one of the pentagrams with a sacred "smudge" type fluid or mist, and I saw it break apart and fade away...but then I checked back to see if it was still gone, and it reformed itself. God damn it's so hard not to do that!

I also kinda feel like I should tell the demons to leave or call upon archangels or something to cast them out, but I've found that that does nothing, presumably because part of me doesn't believe it will work or refuses to trust that it'll work, or is not yet ready to let go of the demons and the fear. My spirit guide has told me, and you all have told me that I need to focus on other things and work on getting rid of this fear, and the thoughtforms will follow. But it's so hard to do.

I'm just grateful that the demons don't affect my dreams at all, and never have. That could be more evidence that they are thoughtforms and as such do not exist at a higher level such as a dream.

You hit the nail on the head when you said, "she was created by you". You needed her before when you believed she was the one that was helping you. Since you admitted here that "you" were the one that created her. You now realize that it was "you" all along that solved the problem. If you haven't realized that yet, you should.

When you try to ignore something, you are still going back to it once in awhile to see if it's still there. It's better to just "nip it in the butt" and confront it head on. Then it goes away for good.

You can ignore a problem in your life, like many people do. But that problem will keep resurfacing throughout your life time, until once and for all, you deal with it.

This is no different!  

Make that inverted Pentagram into a wall plant or a cool painting. If it wants to keep showing up, then you show it, it doesn't bother you anymore.

It would probably make a cool Dartboard!  

[DASH Project]

When you try to ignore something, you are still going back to it once in awhile to see if it's still there. It's better to just "nip it in the butt" and confront it head on. Then it goes away for good.

I don't exactly know what you mean by "confront" it. I am not sure I can do that at this current time in my life. I have a lingering "what if" fear in the back of my mind worrying that these are not thoughtforms, they are literal demons in the Christian sense, and that the only way to get rid of them is to convert to evangelical Protestantism and cast them out in the name of Jesus. That thought in the back of my mind is what keeps me from giving it my all in trying various methods to get rid of the demons...I am afraid I will exhaust all my other options and be left with only Jesus. But I know they went away in the past, and they probably will again. I just don't know when. I never want to convert to ANY religion out of fear.

You can ignore a problem in your life, like many people do. But that problem will keep resurfacing throughout your life time, until once and for all, you deal with it.

This is no different!  

Make that inverted Pentagram into a wall plant or a cool painting. If it wants to keep showing up, then you show it, it doesn't bother you anymore.

It would probably make a cool Dartboard!  

Actually, the thing in my wall changes form...the pentagram is just its current form. I know these visions are always in flux and frequently change form, though they are almost all forms derived from things I have seen before. It is best not to depend on it being one form for the rest of its time in my visions. But I DID manage to turn it into a proper, rightside-up, non-Satanic pentagram earlier today, but it flipped right back over. I guess that tells me something about my fears, and how I currently believe I can't control them.

[Lionheart]

 Here's an example of changing your mindset.

"A "point down" pentacle is nothing new- nor is it necessarily Satanic when it appears as such. Historical depictions of the pentagram were as likely to be points down as point up- a distinction between one or the other was rarely made by the ancients. Even today, one must not assume a point down pentagram is Satanic, as it is just likely to be Masonic, Wiccan, or simply upside-down. Some inexperienced Wiccans will occasionally claim that a point down pentacle is Satanic, but such a symbol has at times represented the Wiccan horned God, and is still today an emblem of the Second Degree initiation in Gardnerian Wicca."

Some people believe that a point up Pentagram is symbolic for Spirit and a point down is a symbolic for Earth.

Now, that inverted Pentagram doesn't seem so scary, does it?

Do some research on what you are seeing and you will find it's all in YOUR perception of it that makes all the difference.

Oh, and it's probably a good idea to stop watching all the Horror movies too!  

[DASH Project]

Here's an example of changing your mindset.

"A "point down" pentacle is nothing new- nor is it necessarily Satanic when it appears as such. Historical depictions of the pentagram were as likely to be points down as point up- a distinction between one or the other was rarely made by the ancients. Even today, one must not assume a point down pentagram is Satanic, as it is just likely to be Masonic, Wiccan, or simply upside-down. Some inexperienced Wiccans will occasionally claim that a point down pentacle is Satanic, but such a symbol has at times represented the Wiccan horned God, and is still today an emblem of the Second Degree initiation in Gardnerian Wicca."

Some people believe that a point up Pentagram is symbolic for Spirit and a point down is a symbolic for Earth.

Now, that inverted Pentagram doesn't seem so scary, does it?

Do some research on what you are seeing and you will find it's all in YOUR perception of it that makes all the difference.

Oh, and it's probably a good idea to stop watching all the Horror movies too!  

Actually, you saying this actually helped me quite a bit last night. now the only thing I really see in my wall is the pentagram...I see only a shadow of something else nearby, but mostly just the pentagram. Thank you for educating me about upside-down pentagrams and how they don't have to be seen as Satanic. Now it may change into something else I DO still find scary, but for now it's just a pentagram, which isn't very scary anymore.

Come to think of it the only reason I am afraid of these demons in the first place is because my mind treats them as "evidence" that Hell is a real place, and that I will go there when I die. Seems pretty shaky and far-fetched a reason to fear them now. Still, what DOES still scare me is how back in June 2011 my former therapist (who I needed to leave because he tried to use his good relationship with me to convert me to Christianity,) when I told him I was seeing demons back then, said a Bible passage to cast them out in the name of Jesus, and I saw them leave the room. Now of course, this made me so afraid that by the time I went home I was dealing with even MORE demons, but still, I don't know how to explain how he did that, although I seem to recall that the demons are highly responsive to what I believe they will do next, and I thought in my head "what if they leave the room due to his prayer?" And they did. What do you think happened?

I am pretty close to beating this, I just need to keep focusing on other things...I already notice that they are not around when I am doing fun things, and my body temperature even goes down if I am currently experiencing a hot flash. In most cases I have to think of them, and that brings them back. I don't usually notice them still there even while I am focusing on other things...it's like they completely or partially fade away. I must be doing SOMETHING right.

[Astralzombie]

Christianity has done an excellent job to create fear where are doubt lies. Since we are naturally curious, this creates a lot of fear and gives the church a lot of control over us.

Just having an interest in OOBE is enough to give "demons" a foot into our lives. Well the same thing can be said about pink bunnies but that doesn't scare us into church every Sunday with our pocketbooks.

In fact, ask a Christian about what I am saying and they will tell you that I must be demon influenced to tell you these things and that this is proof of what they are saying. It comes down to your beliefs and perceptions.

I can't say whether or not Christianity will give you any peace but I can say that it did nothing for me and I was a true believer. Many people find a lot of comfort in religious belief systems and this is something you will have to decide for yourself. Do you want blind comfort or knowledge. Eventually the knowledge is so much more than just comfort but it takes a lot of work to get it. You just have to be willing to face your fears. What good is a life if you're too scared to live it?

I'm no where close to having any of the answers but I can at least say that I no longer fear demons or any other negative thought form in that sense.

My only fear is whether or not I am doing enough to "earn" my existence. But I am concerned about many other things.

Our individual minds are so much more powerful then most religions want us to know and they tell us that thinking this is a deadly sin. Well it does mean the death of something but it isn't our "salvation" or "afterlife".

[DASH Project]

Christianity has done an excellent job to create fear where are doubt lies. Since we are naturally curious, this creates a lot of fear and gives the church a lot of control over us.

Just having an interest in OOBE is enough to give "demons" a foot into our lives. Well the same thing can be said about pink bunnies but that doesn't scare us into church every Sunday with our pocketbooks.

In fact, ask a Christian about what I am saying and they will tell you that I must be demon influenced to tell you these things and that this is proof of what they are saying. It comes down to your beliefs and perceptions.

I can't say whether or not Christianity will give you any peace but I can say that it did nothing for me and I was a true believer. Many people find a lot of comfort in religious belief systems and this is something you will have to decide for yourself. Do you want blind comfort or knowledge. Eventually the knowledge is so much more than just comfort but it takes a lot of work to get it. You just have to be willing to face your fears. What good is a life if you're too scared to live it?

I'm no where close to having any of the answers but I can at least say that I no longer fear demons or any other negative thought form in that sense.

My only fear is whether or not I am doing enough to "earn" my existence. But I am concerned about many other things.

Our individual minds are so much more powerful then most religions want us to know and they tell us that thinking this is a deadly sin. Well it does mean the death of something but it isn't our "salvation" or "afterlife".

Couldn't agree more, and don't worry, I will never convert to Christianity, not out of fear, and probably not for any other reason either. I prefer being spiritual rather than religious...well actually, I follow my own religion, with my own gods and goddesses...laugh if you will, but I've been developing it since my childhood and even though I may be slowly losing interest in it in favor of more general spirituality, I will never let it die. My gods have answered my prayers before, and I have even had limited success casting out demons in the name of one of the gods...the only reason I can't do that now is because these demons I am currently dealing with attack my core trust and make me doubt ANYTHING that normally gives me comfort. It's a real uphill struggle to fight them back and remain faithful to my own beliefs, especially when the demonic manifestations of my own fear and doubt can actually be felt as physical sensations on my body, but I've done it before.

[Astralzombie]

Couldn't agree more, and don't worry, I will never convert to Christianity, not out of fear, and probably not for any other reason either. I prefer being spiritual rather than religious...well actually, I follow my own religion, with my own gods and goddesses...laugh if you will, but I've been developing it since my childhood and even though I may be slowly losing interest in it in favor of more general spirituality, I will never let it die. My gods have answered my prayers before, and I have even had limited success casting out demons in the name of one of the gods...the only reason I can't do that now is because these demons I am currently dealing with attack my core trust and make me doubt ANYTHING that normally gives me comfort. It's a real uphill struggle to fight them back and remain faithful to my own beliefs, especially when the demonic manifestations of my own fear and doubt can actually be felt as physical sensations on my body, but I've done it before.

When I first started having OOBE's, I was still a Christian and had quite a bit of fear that I would run into demons. Despite this fear of running into them, I never did. At least that is what I thought. I later found out that some of the beings I encountered were what others considered to be demons in the Christian sense. Only I saw them for what they were.

Maybe I was lucky because if I had viewed them in the sense that others have, I may not have been able to see through the fear that creates them.

My interpretation of a demon is a consciousness that has wasted it's potential and is on it's way out of existence. The only reason they can still linger is through the power of the fear we give them. Otherwise, they would not have enough of their own energy left to exist. For one reason or another, they did not evolve and the "game" is just about up for them. It's a real shame but this is the result of not growing spiritually.

[majour ka]

A woman turned up at a Buddhist monastery and demanded the monks help her.
Im possessed by a demon she cried you must help me! The Buddhists said ok but first help dig the garden, the woman complained but they said "later but first help us finnish this" She reluctantly joined them after digging the garden, she screamed you must help me! but again the monks said yes we will help but first we must cook the food and said she must help. She helped and after cooking and eating they said you must help us clean the kitchen.
The monks then asked to help them gather some fruit, she did as they asked. You must take a shower they told her. Then you must wash all these clothes. The woman did as they asked.
After several hours of keeping busy and helping the monks with their daily life the monks asked the woman "how is your demon? "What demon?" the the woman asked.

I feel for you but we must throw ourselves into everyday life and focus on this world. Also I found psychotherapy and cognitive behavioural therapy fantastic for repetitive and intrusive thoughts ) give it a go! Might change your life  

[Bedeekin]

My interpretation of a demon is a consciousness that has wasted it's potential and is on it's way out of existence. The only reason they can still linger is through the power of the fear we give them. Otherwise, they would have enough of their own energy left to exist. For one reason or another, they did not evolve and the "game" is just about up for them. It's a real shame but this is the result of not growing spiritually.

Nice.

This is my view also. I don't think they have permission to be anything other than a fool wearing a white sheet going 'Boo'... the white sheet being a projected fear of the recipient.

[DASH Project]

Funny thing is, I am continuing to tune them out, and continuing to just live my life as fully as I possibly can, and I am seeing them fade away. Well of course they briefly come back as soon as I think of them, and I am still experiencing the physical symptoms (hot flashes and "presence" or pressure on my back or right side) but I notice even those go down somewhat if I focus on other things. Also funny how you guys are all telling me the exact same thing my spirit guide told me, even "confirming" it in majour ka's story about the Buddhist monks and the woman who thought she was possessed.

Now the real question is, when will I be able to meditate again, without it bringing them all back? I guess I don't know that part.

[Astralzombie]

Funny thing is, I am continuing to tune them out, and continuing to just live my life as fully as I possibly can, and I am seeing them fade away. Well of course they briefly come back as soon as I think of them, and I am still experiencing the physical symptoms (hot flashes and "presence" or pressure on my back or right side) but I notice even those go down somewhat if I focus on other things. Also funny how you guys are all telling me the exact same thing my spirit guide told me, even "confirming" it in majour ka's story about the Buddhist monks and the woman who thought she was possessed.

Now the real question is, when will I be able to meditate again, without it bringing them all back? I guess I don't know that part.

At some point, you will need to trust your guide. Has your guide ever misled you with the intent to set you back in your spiritual growth? I say it like that because my own guide has deceived me when it was for my own good but never to lead me down a lesser path.

It seems as if you have created so much in your own personal belief system that you are now having a hard time discerning what are your own thought forms and which are objective. My advice is to you is to ask your guide what it's intentions are. You should learn everything you need to know as far as to trusting it or not. If you are ready to trust your guide ask it to allow you to view a demon as it sees them. This may end your fear of them.

All this discussion is really counter productive but I really do want you to move on past this fear of them.

[Lionheart]

Now the real question is, when will I be able to meditate again, without it bringing them all back? I guess I don't know that part.

If you truly BELIEVE that you have confronted this, then you can return back to Meditating anytime you wish! 

[DASH Project]

At some point, you will need to trust your guide. Has your guide ever misled you with the intent to set you back in your spiritual growth? I say it like that because my own guide has deceived me when it was for my own good but never to lead me down a lesser path.

It seems as if you have created so much in your own personal belief system that you are now having a hard time discerning what are your own thought forms and which are objective. My advice is to you is to ask your guide what it's intentions are. You should learn everything you need to know as far as to trusting it or not. If you are ready to trust your guide ask it to allow you to view a demon as it sees them. This may end your fear of them.

All this discussion is really counter productive but I really do want you to move on past this fear of them.

Some really good points, and I will say that I am trusting her more and more, especially since her words turned out to be the truth...you guys confirmed it, and ever since two nights ago I have been noticing the demons slowly fading away from my visions. They may come back, but it is at least good to know that they are seemingly disappearing after I followed her advice and all your advice as well. Thank you.

My hot flashes and "pressure" still remain though, and they are unbearable...but they could be connected to health issues as well as this fear thoughtforms issue. I know I have a fatty liver, and one of the most common symptoms of a toxic or fatty liver is increased body temperature. Still, that doesn't explain why my body only heats up during periods in my life when I am afraid of damnation, or when I meditate.

On another note, I have been reading stuff about OoBEs and NDEs, and I am finding more and more evidence against Hell being a real place. I hope to someday be free of this fear of damnation once and for all.

If you truly BELIEVE that you have confronted this, then you can return back to Meditating anytime you wish! 

I KNEW it! I know it's all a matter of belief, and you confirmed it. Someday I won't be afraid to believe...

[majour ka]

Now the real question is, when will I be able to meditate again, without it bringing them all back? I guess I don't know that part.

I think you have done great! I also think its good to have a break from all spiritual stuff every now and again. After all we are here to experience the physical world and all its wonder. I can thoroughly recommend mediating on love and also on your own spirit within. That in itself is a magical journey and will strengthen all that we do when we perceiver with it.

Regards and blessings