Physical presence, pain, heat, tightness, seeing things...

[DASH Project]

Ever since an extremely intense panic/paranoia attack in mid-April that caused me to manifest some pretty frightening visuals during a meditation, I've been troubled by an almost constant feeling of "presence" in one or more areas on my body. It went away in very late May, seemingly after a successful meditation, but came back about a month later, in very late June, when I felt like I accidentally "willed" the feeling back through a fearful and unsuccessful meditation.

It's a feeling of either muscle tightness or heaviness, like someone or something is touching or holding onto me there. It is most commonly felt on the right side of my body, usually the right shoulder/right side of my neck, but also sometimes the side of my abdomen in varying locations above my hip bone, or various places on my back. Other spots come and go, but the right shoulder seems to be the most "constant" location for this feeling of "presence." As for the presence on my shoulder, when I talk to God or my guides, I usually hear a clear answer from them, but sometimes if I think of the presence on my shoulder while asking a question I don't hear a clear answer, just unintelligible hissing/whispering in my right ear. This was a lot worse in April, and now it just happens when I think it will happen, and not really any other time.

There are sometimes other symptoms as well. More during the first "bout" through April and mid-May, I would feel a heat or increased body temperature on the right side of my body, usually on my right arm. Nowadays I don't feel the heat so much, although I do heat up pretty intensely during meditations sometimes, and the heat comes and goes in other spots. Also sometimes I will "see" things out of the corner of my eyes, which seemingly corresponds to the presence. In addition, at first I would see, in my mind's eye, varying gargoyle or demon-looking creatures clinging to my body or just hanging out around me, usually on my back, although they never stay for long, I feel like I "manifest" them by accident through my fear, and it doesn't account for the fact that most of the time I feel a presence, but I usually don't see anything in my mind's eye short of dark patches where the presence is. Most recently (and right when I thought I was improving) I've been feeling sharp but brief pain twinges all over my body...initially they were just in my side, where the presence sometimes is (but often the pain would be there, but the presence wouldn't be) but then I started feeling twinges all over my body. It seems they're decreasing again, but I'm not sure.

I have no real idea what is causing all of this. Interestingly enough, it seems that the "presence" locations and also the locations for the prickly pain correspond to meridian channels on the body (I looked up meridians in Chinese medicine and most of the twinges and presences seem to be where meridians are,) but that doesn't really answer my question. I have asked God, asked my guides, muscle tested and dowsed using a pendulum, and all my answers pretty much point to the same thing: that most or all of what I'm seeing and feeling is a manifestation of my fear and doubt. I follow my own personal religion, it's a lot of fun and it's been a dream of mine to write a book about it, but at the same time I suffer from constant fear that my religion is false or invalid because I am the only one (even though my religion was based on existing religions and mythologies from around the world,) and that I will somehow be punished for doing so. I went to see a psychic twice, and she told me I was plagued by astral demons after I told her I was seeing those creatures, that they feed on my fear, and that the way to get rid of them is to stop being afraid. Easier said than done though, and after what else I've experiences I'm not so sure these are external demons, they could be my own personal demons and manifestations of fear and doubt.

What do you all think? Please no fear-based religious comments telling me to convert to a certain religion, they will only make my fear worse and probably prolong these symptoms. As for anyone else, feel free to offer your two cents. Maybe someday I can be free of all this, I already was able to get rid of them in June, so I think I can do it again. I hope.

[Lionheart]

I follow my own personal religion, it's a lot of fun and it's been a dream of mine to write a book about it, but at the same time I suffer from constant fear that my religion is false or invalid because I am the only one (even though my religion was based on existing religions and mythologies from around the world,) and that I will somehow be punished for doing so.

I would take a serious look at his quote. It seems you are harboring some guilt and manifesting it into some kind of self torture or punishment. Try to meditate on a "Divine" white light entering your body and cleansing you. Believe that this is the answer and it shall be.
Good Luck and Safe Travels!