Possession

[PissedOffMystic]

I've been having some serious issues for the past six years, and now they've come to a full head.

Six years ago, whilst I was in prayer, a powerful negative thing came over me. It poured itself into my being like a putrid cloud. My forehead burned and my aura was overcome with disgusting energy. The thing rooted itself in my dantien (the energy center below the navel) and I was keenly aware that it was eating my essence. It never left.

Years of attempting to rid myself of this thing have failed. It caused extreme upheaval and ended in me losing my christian faith.

Recently I learned of Kabballah and attempted the path of Magician. The banishing rituals seemed to strengthen me and helped where christianity had failed. I aventually, through a combination of faith, will, and the right mindset, managed to throw out the demon. Ninety percent of it's energy was expelled, which I quickly banished. It was the best day of my life.

Then something else happened. What was left of the dark energy condenced into a core of sorts, and began to dig. It went past my dantien, and dug into the very core of my Root Chakra, which is now completely blocked. It then began pouring its energy into my aura, which is now even more corrupted than before. I kept myself in good cheer and continuted to have faith regardless.

Then, a few days later, something even more terrible happened. Some other dark force came over me. This one was of a different variety. It didn't seem to be dirty, just dark. It forced itself into my heart chakra, where it attempted to wrestle control of my body from me. I battled it with my will, and succedded in stopping it from attempting to control me. What was left of that also condenced and has now bored itself into my heart chakra, which is now corrupted and blocked.

Needless to say, I've had enough. I've considered suicide or having myself commited. I don't think I can live a normal life under this horrible strain any longer. Everything I do only makes things worse, and I've poured years of concentration into ending just one demonic problem. Now I'm heir to two.

Any assistance would be greatly appreciated, though I'm not certain I any longer have the will to carry it out.

-Last Ditch Effort.

[CaCoDeMoN]

Any assistance would be greatly appreciated, though I'm not certain I any longer have the will to carry it out.

If you don't have strength to fight anymore, then maybe you should ask someone for help?
I've heard that many people who had problems with negs received help from demons, asking for help will not do any harm, so why don't give a try?
If you are interested, visit:
http://www.angelfire.com/empire/serpentis666/AllDemons.html

[PissedOffMystic]

Reading up on the Goetia demons is what caused my second possession. Concentrating on their symbols and names apparantly calls them up quite effectively and unintentionally. I don't think it is wise, nor safe, to summon up such forces without first attaining the proper connection with one's higher self. Otherwise you end up serving, and not the other way around.

In reply, I'm doing somewhat better. I've been fighting tooth and nail, and this secondary possession (for lack of a better term) seems to be losing ground.

Still, any advice would be greatly appreciated. Otherwise I'll just continue to grin and strive. Better than sticking a knife in my throat, I suppose. Though perhaps only marginally.

[coolbreeze]

I'm really not advanced enough to give advice, but I'm glad you didn't opt the knife way. Very relieved actually. I can try to help you remotely, if you want, but seeing as i don't know you, I'm not sure if it would work, and i don't want to make things worse.

Once again, very relieved you chose to keep on going. You will be in my thoughts.

[CaCoDeMoN]

Reading up on the Goetia demons is what caused my second possession. Concentrating on their symbols and names apparantly calls them up quite effectively and unintentionally. I don't think it is wise, nor safe, to summon up such forces without first attaining the proper connection with one's higher self. Otherwise you end up serving, and not the other way around.

Could you tell more about it?

[PissedOffMystic]

Certainly.

I was at my wits end dealing with this demonic force, so I figured I'd read up into goetia and see if I could find out the demon's name, or at least who ruled it and whatnot.

While I was reading the goetia and looking at the symbols I noticed a change in atmosphere. I felt something in my perephrial vision, so to speak. I ignored it.

Later that day I realized there was a spiritual force, not of me, affecting the way I felt. I could sense that it was attaching itself to my heart chakra. I attempted to push it away, and when it realized it was discovered it gripped all the harder and then started to force it's way into my chakra. This lead to a feeling of confusion, and distortion. My heart chakra started to shut itself down in defense.

As the hours progressed I noticed the problem was getting worse. Then, suddenly, I started moving not of my own accord. I could rest my will and my body would still move. I was a passive bystander in my own skin. My thoughts weren't my own, my actions weren't my own, and a combat of wills had occured.

After a few hours of concentration and banishment, the majority of the force left. It decided it couldn't control me outright, I assume. But the thing had already done it's damage. It is either in, or linked to my heart chakra. The feelings in said chakra aren't my own, and there is a displacement of my true nature there. I have become a mix of myself and this entity, though I am the one in control.

As long as this force remains there I won't be able to fully function as myself, and I run the risk of being easily decieved. With that chakra shut down I lack most of my ability to contact the Higher nature, and therefore am at even more of a disadvantage.

If only I knew which demon this was, I would try to act against it. But I don't think it's wise to attempt further workings with the goetia, seeing as what has happened already.

Demons tinkle me off.

Visualizing heaven opening up and Angels forcing the entity into the light seems to have some effect. I know, it's cheesy, but I was desperate. I also spent quite a bit of time concentrating on the force and visualizing it being burned. This has led to some relief, but I can still feel a Will Core, so to speak, sitting in there and messing everything up. Doing these visualizations seems to make it uncomfortable. It moves about when I do this as if it's trying to wiggle itself into a better position.

So, there you have it. My first experience with the goetia blows. I suppose this is why it's recommended you contact your higher self first.

[CaCoDeMoN]

Thanks for warning, I'll be more careful.

Visualizing heaven opening up and Angels forcing the entity into the light seems to have some effect. I know, it's cheesy, but I was desperate. I also spent quite a bit of time concentrating on the force and visualizing it being burned. This has led to some relief, but I can still feel a Will Core, so to speak, sitting in there and messing everything up. Doing these visualizations seems to make it uncomfortable. It moves about when I do this as if it's trying to wiggle itself into a better position.

I think that anything that helps is good. Also you could learn to control your thoughts, so it'll be possible to distinguish your thoughts and those forced by the entity. Maybe you could try Lesser Pentagram Banishing Ritual?

[PissedOffMystic]

I've done it and mastered it. It's not all that effective for things that have become a part of you. Same with the Star Ruby. You have to find a way to get them out of you first. Then you can banish them. The trouble is it takes an inordinate amount of willpower to keep them out of the circle once you do manage to remove part of it from yourself, since its become so attached to you.

And I do know my own thoughts, but it becomes extremely difficult to decipher when massive quantities of your being shut off and that which remains is tainted. It's like trying to walk a razor blade line. Or like trying to attain enlightenment with a timebomb straped to your leg, and you only have fifteen minutes before it's all over.

[CaCoDeMoN]

Hmmm... What would happen if you would overstimulate your heart chakra? Maybe it would cleanse itself?

[absinthian]

Wow, that's a problem you have there PissedoffMystic. (I like the name). Have you tried to perform a type of Middle Pillar exercise right after bannishing. I think it should help you when you keep doing that for a few months, on a daily basis. I have another question. Are you sure that the first possession was'nt something that was in your system allready. Just something small that got bigger when you exalted in your prayer. Keep the faith, my thoughts are with you .

[PissedOffMystic]

I've been doing the middle pillar, actually. When I get to the heart chakra I begin to convulse to such a degree that it nearly breaks all of my concentration. It's quite horrible, really. Feels like someone is lifting me by my chest.

And yes, I didn't realize it at the time but something was lingering around me for a while, and whilst I was in prayer it took advantage of me being spiritualy open and forced itself into me.

And yes, I realize it's quite a problem. I haven't lived a real day in years. There are even crazier things that have happened to me, but I don't see the point about talking about them. Needless to say if I'm not going to end my life I had better overcome this.

Six years wasted. I've exhuasted myself. I'm thinking about joining a monastary to devote all of my time to this. I can hardly keep a job anymore.

[absinthian]

It might actually a be good idea to join that monestry, being in a different, maybe more holy, place might weaken its grasp it has on you. Don't hessitate to ask help, maybe through that link that cocademon gave you. There must be a reason that it can connect with you so easily, I was thinking about the place you live in now, or something from a past live, but I can't help you there but I know there are pro's who can. Do everything you can to keep at bay don't give up. It might also be an idea to stop reading and practicing occult things, it seems to increase in strength when you do that. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

[Andromache]

I treat everyday like its an exorcism and keep fighting. I'm freeing up, it's happening slowly. But you're right about one point some people here don't seem to get.

When they're in you, shields aren't gonna help and banishing rituals help a little but not enough. You gotta get to a point where they are out and keep them out, then use the banishing and the shielding.

No one can get through this alone, that's why support, especially on bad days is so important.

[Andromache]

Six years wasted. I've exhuasted myself. I'm thinking about joining a monastary to devote all of my time to this. I can hardly keep a job anymore.

That's something a lot of people don't have a grasp on, life has to go on despite the neg and the neg doesn't care, they just take advantage of it. This is why people suffering this need help and support, surviving consumes energy and there is nothing left for you. Everyone needs some respite to gain energy, heal, and overcome this thing.

[PissedOffMystic]

In reply to going to a monastary: That would be akin to suicide. I have a life I desperately want to live. Spending my days in a monastary would be a waste of that life. I don't think it to be a viable option; only the vestiges of hope in an otherwise hopeless situation.

But honestly, I don't have the strength to keep on fighthing. My last refuge has been taken from me. Blind hope is foolish, and I'm tired of holding up these tattered rags of stoicism. I've pushed beyond all concievable limits to attain nothing. It's really quite pathetic.

This will most likely be my last post, unless something compelling is said. As I expected the advice administered I have already thought of and attempted.

I suppose it's time to realize and accept the truth.

I've lost. Game over.

Fin.

[CaCoDeMoN]

I suppose it's time to realize and accept the truth.

I've lost. Game over.

Maybe instead of giving up you should PM Robert Bruce for help? He's really experienced in doing exorcisms, and I think that he will help you....

[CaCoDeMoN]

Or maybe you didn't only read goetia, but also tried summoning demons with goetic methods?

[patapouf]

Don't let yourself go down, this thing will ''win'' on you if you do so. They have slowly dragged you down where they went you to be: in a cyclical state of negative pattern where desperation and many other negative thoughts are being what you will used the greatest percentage of every day you are living ( they like to feed themselves from such things).

You really have to break this cycle and approach a new positive thought pattern and try not to say such thing as ''I lived a worthless life'' or ''I will not make it''; a radical change of your way you perceive your life may make this thing see you not as a place where they want to stay. Imagine yourself climbing the stairs, day by day, toward a better life and soon or later, you will find a way. This not any magical recipe but I'm trying to help somehow....

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Take care,

[Celeborn]

I have not read the full thread, but if all fails may i suggest you go to a medium? Mediums and Shamans are quite capable of helping with these kinds of issues.

Erik

[PissedOffMystic]

I appreciate all of the advice. I'm not a negative person, though my aura is steeped in the most putrid and negative energy imaginable. I have managed to keep my game face on and think positive for years now, but the cylindrical nature of such things is wearing on me. No real advance is being made, and a positive additude starts to become rediculous at a point.

The second problem did honestly arise from only reading the goetia and looking at the symbols. I made no effort to contact them, but was quite sucessful regardless. I've come to grips with the fact that there is some sort of gaping hole in my defense system and pretty much anything just walks on in. I have no idea why this is. Perhaps the first problem has rendered me so weak my spiritual walls have been dashed, so to speak.

I'm actively seeking out a shaman or an exorcist of some sort, but it's proving to be quite difficult. I also left a message on the Robert Bruce question section, so I've pretty much got all of my bases covered.

Again, thank you for all of your kind words and thoughts.

[Andromache]

I would try these:

http://www.barbarabrennan.com/

Phone numbers and how to contact a student of Barbara's:
http://www.barbarabrennan.com/bbsh/introduction/find_a_healer.html

I would also try Violet Rose next week (she is recovering from a very nasty neg attack and won't be able to help this week).

[absinthian]

Well, I see that you've been offered some great advice, and you did ask for help. In the meanwhile I've been doing a bit of homework. A Dutch psychotherapist wrote 2 books on demonic possession. (I don't think they're translated in English but here are the ISBN numbers. Uninfited guest nr. 9075568053 and Voices from the shadow nr. 9075568061.) He states that demons feed on negativity. Negative thoughts like (I wasted my time ) or (I'm gonne lose). You're feeding them wether you're aware of it or not. Be possitive, always. You also talk about a gaping hole in your defense. Of course there is a hole. You had doubts (losing faith) while dealing with occult matters (looking up info on goeatic daimoons), that's like dropping all firewalls on your computer and posting a sign with "the door is open". Close the door, please. I mean, don't have any doubts in all that you do, esspecially when dealing with the occult. There's nothing wrong with fighting this thing but maybe you could fight in a different way. You could try to feel compassion for it, have mercy for it, pray that the Lord may give it His Blessing for as much as it can muster. Give it possitive vibes. That's how the Dutch therapist handled these cases. Well I pray that you get the help you need and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

[star]

U could astral project get a good hard look at it (so you can figure out what it is) Stare it in its squinty ugly hate filled eyes. and kick its arse.

seriously, try it maybe it'll chicken out like omg this person isn't scared of me anymore, run!

You know I had a friend who was attacked and very nearly possessed. Don't assume its something powerful. Many dead spirits just were negative people in life and when they died they continued to be evil and gained more power than they ever should have.

luck to ya

[PissedOffMystic]

Firstly, I would like to thank all of your for your kind words and help. It's been greatly appreciated.

I'm doing much better now, actually. Better than I thought I ever would be. I ran into a shaman who was able to somehow visit me in spirit and remove the thing remotely. As insane as that sounds to me, it worked to such a degree that I can do nothing but believe. Apart from some residual energy, the thing is gone. I'm at a loss, actually. I haven't been free from this in years.

Turns out the spirit was Azaroth. To hell with him, and may his days be torment for all time.

I urge anyone else who is having such issues to seek outside help. I didn't think this was possible, but now I'm on the road to actual recovery. And I now have a friend who is willing to assist me with any other spiritual hiccups I run into.

Best wishes to all of you.

-PissedOffMystic

[masochist monk]

I understand what you are going through, I myself is going through spirit possession. I also feel hopeless and exhausted but we have to keep going. I know that tiredness, that alien feeling you get, but please do not give hope. Perhaps together we can go through this thing and surpass it, I have hope. Please do not commit suicide, I know I was so close in doing so myself but there are after all others like me and I'm not alone. And there is after all others like me who was ABLE to overcome this, so bear with me.