Chapter 3 of my book

[Links Shadow]

Hello again timeless,

Well, I have yet to get much time to read through your story so far, but I have copied and pasted all of it in a word document so I can go through and read it at my leisure.  I will make notes in the file and post it in its own topic here with everything that I thought about it, including thoughts that I have along the way, that way you can see if I am getting what you want me to get out of it along the way.  I will be as critical as I can don't worry.  I will hopefully have it up for you tomorrow.

Respectfully,
Links Shadow

[James S]

Hi Timeless.

This is good!!
I have to confess my very first thoughts were "oh no, another Harry Potter rip off", but reading more,It's not! I mean, ok, we have the whole teenage kids in a rather unique school thing happening, but it's so different. The imagery is wonderful - it has a lovely "etherial" feel to it.

The POV change was good - subtle, and I can't see any problems with the dialog. It carries the story well and is easy to follow.

Just one mistake I noticed -
"It's Simms' job is to challenge Elliott's caveman."

Just a little proof reading for you[]

Is good!![^]
James.

[Frank]

Timeless: What is the average age of your target market?

Yours,
Frank

[James S]

No Timeless, it only looked initially "Potteresque" from the start of the scene when she first goes to the school. Admitedly I read the 3rd chapter first (slack of me I know).[:I]

The first & second chapter look more like you were sitting in the same coffee shop as Stephen King or Raymond E. Fiest. There is definitely a mysterious feel to these chapters.

James.

[timeless]

Thank for your help.

I have a lot of work to do on my novel and you guys have given me valuable direction.

Regards,
timeless