What Is This connection? It's purpose?

[Graelwyn]

Back in early August, I was posting on another site about how I found my gifts a curse and various troubles I was having with them and a male entered my life, offering to help, and saying I am on a spiritual path. I found out that not only did he have same gifts as me, but had had the same issues with doubt and logic questioning experience when he first started out. In fact, it almost drove him to suicide...the same year he hit this crisis, I was in crisis myself.

We started spending whole nights in a chatroom, talking about all kinds of things, and texting one another an absurd amount of times. He told me that he had never felt this way about anyone, and couldnt stop thinking about me, and basically we got quite close, as far as typed words can get close.


We found we had similar backgrounds, had coffee the same, had both played clarinet as kids...just lots of things in common. Even both share the same numerology master number, 33. Anyway, he guided me when I found my experiences frightening and after a month he came to visit me in person. We had both been very excited about it and I suppose, given that we both knew there was a strong spiritual connection, both expected it to be an explosion of feeling as it had been when we communicated online and in texts...we had both felt very strong emotions towards one another, and we are neither of us especially young, my being almost 30 and he in his late 30s. I once asked him to visit me in spirit so I could feel him closer, and he said it felt as though our energies had merged. It felt like...lightning the feeling was so strong as to almost be uncomfortable.

Anyway, when we met...there was no great explosion of feeling, and this man just seemed to distance himself from me... he was totally hyper and full of energy in order to prepare for a clearance we were going to do together, and well, let's just say I got very upset when we parted that it hadn't been as I had expected (yes, I know, one should not have expectations).

After this, there were a lot of problems...he got quite ill and barely stayed in touch and I took it the wrong way and he cut off contact for over a month. during which time I left my bf of 6 years, and his wife of 16 years left him (which is what he had wanted). In short, we both had same things happening in our lives when we were apart.

He contacted me again after this break, and since then, I cannot describe nor understand what has been happening... I have felt more connected to him than I ever have to anyone... when I think of him, I feel these surges of warmth spread through my heart area, and often, I will see an image of a little boy and myself running down this deserted street....almost like a past life memory.

I have come to realise that when I am struggling and feeling terribly low, he is also, which makes it hard to know who's emotions I am feeling! When he was unwell and hadnt spoken to me in some days, I had a dream in which he came and told me he was ill. but he seems entirely unaware of this, in spite of being spiritually advanced.

From his spirit, I sense such warmth, love and free spiritedness, but the earthly person is detached and distant from me now compared to how he was before.... how can he now not feel what he felt before simply due to a flesh and blood meeting? I often feel him around me, which is absurd because he does not consciously spirit travel to people... is it possible for someone's spirit to travel to another without them being aware of it?

I had a message from spirit telling me that he is me and two are one and that this love is not to be taken lightly and will not be like what I have known before...and to not 'let them win'. (we are both going through an influx of problems in life at the moment). considering I didn't feel any explosions when we met in person, why have my feelings for him grown so much since? And why has he detached himself? I would be grateful for any answers to my questions and any input on this from those wiser than myself.

Kate xxx

[G3MM4]

Well that was interesting. They say that everyone has a double elsewhere. Maybe you were expecting too much, and this guy maybe felt a bit overwhelmed and decided to take a break? Just go with the flow, and see what happens.

[Graelwyn]

I am now going with the flow...and giving this man as much support as possible instead of expecting support myself...It is hard to feel this strong connection still but not know if he is still aware of it, I have to say. I sometimes sit here and think, maybe it is delusion on my part, or wishful thinking... I just don't know. Our lives just seem to go in tandem which is very strange indeed. lol.

Kate xxx

[monicat777]

As far as the original post.......I think you should focus less on your spiritual connection with this person and focus on what his actions are telling you.  I think you are getting jerked around a little.
If you want answers, just ask him.  Don't play the game.  Just cowgirl up and say "Look, man....What's your deal?"  If he wants to beat around the bush, just sit to the side 'till he gets dizzy! lol

STAY CRITICAL! lol
-Monica

[Rastus]

What does your heart tell you?  Soul Mate?  Twin Flame?  Just someone you helped with a transition?  Just an energetic attachment you formed?  Look within yourself and see what feels right?

[Frank]

Kate:

What an amazing story and thank you for sharing it.

Before saying anything, I just want you to know that I have always enjoyed very much being in the company of women. In fact, in my life I have found it far easier getting along with women than I have with men. People have said I am the very definition of the phrase "incurable romantic". But to me I just love women. With men, I find all the petty ego-tripping and emotional frailty a big turn off. There have been a few exceptions to this of course, but it is true that I've always had more women friends than men friends.  

Unfortunately, it sounds like the two of you were going through something of an emotional upheaval when you met. Perhaps I am wrong, but it does sound like you were both entering into a kind of escapism. What you say would have made a beautiful storybook romance; two people hopping on this wild ride of fantasy, culminating in a veritable explosion of physical passion. It's getting me going just thinking about it while typing!

I think you hit on it though where you say you became close but, "as far as typed words can get close." I do think there has been a strong element of wishful thinking on both sides. Words, at the end of the day are just that. We use words to describe actions. So unless words are backed up with actual action, they are useless. Words, in instances such as these, have precious little to offer in themselves.

In my view, what you have done is fallen in love with the idea of falling in love with this man. As opposed to actually falling in love with this man directly. And it sounds to me very much like he has done basically the same as you.

Rather than going down this road yet further, what I seriously believe you should be doing is injecting a large dose of realism into the equation and achieve a more solid grounding for yourself. Don't get me wrong, falling in love is one of the most wonderful feelings in the physical world. As I'm sitting here typing, all the glorious memories of the times when I fell in love come flooding into my awareness. But in the midst of all these kinds of feelings, it is ever so easy to lose your basis!

As such, I think what you seriously need to do is detach your thinking from what your emotions are communicating. Do this so you can look at the situation more objectively, i.e. mentally stand back from it and view the situation as if from a short distance away.

I wondered if you knew what each other looked like before you met? I don't mean this to sound harsh, but perhaps the problem boils down to the fact that, despite everything, you didn't match up to his idea of physical attractiveness. I know this sounds a bit stoneage-caveman, but men do place "physical attractiveness" or rather their idea of physical attractiveness at (or very close to) the top of their list, so to speak.

Whether that's the reason or not I don't know. But it strikes me as odd that despite everything the two of you said previously, there was no great explosion of physical activity as regards your feelings for one another. But in a way that harps back to what I said about the two of you falling in love with the idea as opposed to the actuality.

To my mind, either love works or it doesn't. If two people don't have that certain "spark" in the first place then no amount of computer keyboarding and telephone texting can make up for it. In a way, you took a 50-50 gamble that, as unfortunate as it may appear, didn't pay off. Please don't think I'm being critical, not a bit. I'd have done the same, and what you said in the beginning sounds really exciting. To become so passionate over one another is lovely. But in a way, it was a kind of virtual experience, not an actual one. You could say it was kind of like a computer simulation of the real thing.

Problem is now you have "invested" a load of feeling energy to the extent where you can't simply walk away from it. But to me that is precisely what you should do. You took a chance and it didn't work. It would have been wonderful... had it come about. Like I say, it's the stuff from which storybook romances are made, and there is no shame in taking a chance. After all, life is there to be lived, to be experienced. Exploring our emotions and our sexuality is the very stuff from which physical life is made.

You say you've had communications from spirit about continuing. But I think that is your own wishful thinking coming into play. It may be the case, (and I am placing great stress here on the word "may") that the person in question is a parallel manifestation of your wider self. But the chances of that are slim, and even so, it still doesn't mean you are going to properly fall in love and live together for ever after.

I really do believe you should ground yourself more in the physical. For instance, you ask the question of why this man has detached himself. Well, if I may say, the obvious answer surely is to ask him. If he can't just be forthright and honest with you, i.e. give straight answers to straight questions, then he's definitely not worth bothering with IMO.

All the best,
Frank

[Graelwyn]

Thankyou for an interesting and thought provoking response, Frank... I am also, unfortunately, an uncurable romantic, though this part of me tends to remain within rather than be shown without when it comes down to it!

I wouldn't say I or he are in love with the idea of falling in love...on the contrary, both of us are somewhat against marriage and are quite jaded. He is very much a realist. But, So often I have been told to follow my heart, not my mind... now, were I to listen to my objective mind, the pure and simple fact is, I would not have anyone in my life because my mind would find one excuse or another to not give things a shot.

In this situation, believe me, I have often sat back and thought, why am I bothering? Why delude myself that something might grow from the ashes? In fact, when I do hear my guides (or wishful thinking? ) telling me continuously to have patience and hope, I often tell them they are talking a pile of **** and ask them where the signs are now!


The point of the matter is, that these feelings are incredibly powerful, and I don't believe they are wishful thinking since no matter how much I fill my time, no matter how hard I try to sever the connection and push this man from my mind. it is always there. I only have to think of him and I know what he is doing!!

I have interracted with a lot of males and females on the internet (and we are talking at least 50 male friends), and only with three have I felt any kind of connection. Of course, it i possible that these are simply soulmates coming into my life to teach lessons. I dont know.

What you have to bear in mind is that the period from when we first met online to when he cut off contact for over a month, was only a month in duration. It was very swift. And he told me that with a relationship, you start at the beginning, not at the end. Admittedly, when he said he felt the same connection, and told me what his medium friends and guides had told him about meeting me, I was eager...thinking this might be the one! I mean, how often is someone told they will meet you 2 years before they actually do?

As to physical appearance,he had seen my photo about 2 weeks after we first met online. I had not seen his. I personally dont consider myself attractive, but almost everyone else I have ever met does, so it shouldnt have come into it really. I mean, physical appearance should mean nothing anyway since it is the person within we are meant to see, not the sacking.


Um, as to the passion, beyond his calling me sweetheart a few times, and saying he had never felt this way about anyone, there was no physical passion. I mean, it never got to that point because we were both very guarded in a sense. We have both lived with materialistic people who place utmost importance on money, and both been hurt, so neither of us used the word 'love' at any point.

Yes, maybe it was just a brief escape from the upheaval in our lives, but also, is it possible that he does not wish to get too close due to the fact he has a possible terminal illness? is it possible that considering he has only just started going through a divorce and is struggling to get things together, that the last thing on his mind is a relationship? Is it possible that because I got so close, so quick before, and reacted so badly when he wasnt there, that he is now keeping a distance to protect himself?

I could go round in circles here. But I know one thing, If I start listening only to my logical mind, and forget my heart/my spirit, I will no longer be myself and I will no longer have the open heartedness to believe that anything can happen and anything can exist in a world that isnt all it seems.


Kate xxx

[James S]

Hello Kate,

I'd just like to add my two cents worth here as someonewho is, like Frank, generally more comfortable around my female friends than males, and definitely NOT one of those "typical males" who only humor women for sexual ends.

If you've felt a connection with someone, be it a "stranger" on the internet, honour that by allowing your heart the freedom to feel what it is you feel. Sometimes it is best to leave the mind out of matters, and let intuition guide you.

At the moment it appears that there is  much emotional turmoil around both of you. Maybe you look at your meeting as a cause, maybe it was simply a catalyst, to prompt both of you to do what it is your hearts were telling you had to be done.

If you have people around you telling you you are attractive, believe them! You may think this funny, but to me, a simple thing such as the avatar you use, shows me the beauty that you have. It is a gorgeous picture, and consciously or unconsciously, you chose it to represent you. You made a good choice! True beauty comes from the inside first, then creates the outside in the image of that inner beauty. I sense that this is true for you.

Remember always that you are deserving of love. You are allowed to love yourself, and you deserve to be loved. When all the mental and emotional turmoil of relationships is washed away, your love for yourself, and your right to be loved are the solid rocks that are the foundations of emotional self.

Warm regards,
James.

[Tayesin]

Hi,
Apart from the issues dealt with by James S and Frank, I found the most telling thing in the original post to be the Same-ness of the two people.

In fact it reminded me about a number of Twins that have been separated at or shortly after Birth, each experiencing the same things, marrying the same kind of people with similar names,etc,etc.

And it also brought up another thing in me...  it is possible for the two of you to be incarnations from the same Higher-Self.  Sounds crazy ?  Yes it does, but it happens.

With 'twin flames' and soul mates, it is very possible to feel all the connections, and even to embark on loving communications.. but this does not always mean it must become an exclusive relationship.  

This I learned late last year when the Soul mate I knew of and had been waiting 8 years for came into my life this time..  we spent four months together until the time came to finalise our most recent contract.  She ably did her duty according to the contract and I spent a couple more months working it out, LOL.  Interestingly, she had no idea of the contracts we had as Souls yet she still followed through and completed her end of the bargain.

Such is life.  Have no expectations.  Accept what you feel inside and know Intuitively.  

The time has come to let the man go Kate and rejoice in the inner knowings you shared, so that you can move on too.

Love Always.  

[Graelwyn]

Hi James, thanks for taking time to offer input. this is the difficulty. I have followed my intuition and my heart...(I mean, that is not to say I haven't denied everything about this connection just to escape the pain of this person's disinterest lol) and I know it shouldn't be, but it is painful. I am trying desperately to no longer text this man...to stand back and let what will be, be since he does not seem to wish to contact me himself, for whatever reason. The problem is, however hard I am trying to put him from my mind and heart, it isn't working! I will manage for a day at most, then I will find myself thinking of him and hurting. I mean, in earthly terms...why can't he just tell me to go away if that is what he wishes? I have asked him why he does not tell me to go away, and get no response. Anything involving emotions goes unanswered lol. It kind of leaves me in limbo, to be honest. I mean, in the end,I am human and I am not yet at a point where I can simply turn away and say to myself, 'Ah well, I am sure we both learnt lessons from one another.
Time to move on'. In many instances I can do that, but this time it is proving difficult. It is like I am attached to this man by a rubber band    every time I try to move away and put it behind me, I am pulled back stronger.


I am glad you like my avatar    I love the colour blue...love any strong colours actually. I...have yet to reach the stage where I fully love myself, I think. It is a thing that takes time with a past such as mine. They say that when you love yourself, the love of others isn't needed. Is that really true? I mean, does that mean I would have no desire to have someone else in my life?


Tayesin, Hi and thanks for responding. I wouldnt put anything as an impossibility. I know a lot of twin flames from what I have read online, but really, I thought when they came together, it was usually to do spiritual work and that both need to be at the same spiritual level for things to work out? I had considered this man might be my twin soul, or certainly something, but then I wondered if just thinking about him enough might have established a connection. I don't know anymore as whereas he acknowledged a strong connection to start with, he didn't mention it again after the first month. As to letting the man go, see my response above    It is proving more difficult than I thought and it does not help that he is the one who re established contact or that he seems to not be able to simply tell me to go away. How on earth did you deal with the circumstances with your own soul mate? I mean, the pain of separation is so excrutiating for me. I can literally feel it in my heart.  I have met soulmates before and they have come in and gone out of my life and I have managed. This feels different. I have never got unusual images come into my mind with anyone before, like the one of a little boy and myself running down the road.

PS- I feel so silly talking about these emotions! I feel I should be beyond this by now.

Kate xxx

[Tayesin]

Hi Kate,
It took me most of this past year to get over it, even when I met the next woman who was to come along.  So I had to force the Soul mate out of my mind to be fair to the next one, who I have past life connections with also.

Sure was difficult at first.  As they say, time heals all wounds.

Good luck.

[Graelwyn]

Thanks Tayesin, I need it... I cannot help but feel that with all these spiritually connected males coming into my life, I am going to have to change a large part of my personality and become detached to deal with all the partings!

Kate xxx

[James S]

Hi Kate,

"I feel so silly talking about these emotions! I feel I should be beyond this by now."

I would say it takes a very high level of non-silly to defy our defective social norms and open up to people about your emotions. Good on you! Were we all as open, the human race in general would not be in such a mess.

"They say that when you love yourself, the love of others isn't needed. Is that really true? I mean, does that mean I would have no desire to have someone else in my life?"

Then I would say they need to rethink what they say! We all need love in our lives. The thing with self love is the better you are able to love yourself, the easier it is to accept and embrace the love offered to us by others.

I'm sorry your heart has been so burdened with this event. I can't really offer any advice, but please take my wishes for much love and happiness to be with you.

If indeed you have truly found a twin soul, rest assured that you will be together. It may be that the time is just not right yet. Our spirits do not feel time, but unfortunately our minds and bodies feel it sometimes a little too much! And no, I'm not going to say anything about patience. I've far too little of it myself to ask anyone else to consider it.

Yes your avatar is wonderful. I too love rich bold colours, and really I love art such as that. My best friend has a set of Doreen Virtue's "Healing with Fairies" cards. The artwork on these cards is just stunning!

Take care Kate. Hold on to the thought that all will indeed be well.  

James.

[Graelwyn]

Hi James,
Thanks for the lovely post...I am hoping to get some of the afore mentioned cards after xmas when my student loan comes in again lol. I love artwork like that, but alas, when I last went into the bookshop, I was strongly drawn to get rune cards, and so I did.

It can be confusing, all the conflicting messages about how you should be, how you shouldn't be, what love is...and I am always told you are incapable of loving another until you love yourself... I have yet to reach a point where I can say that I love myself, but I am working on it.


As said, a large part of me, (that my ex tried to drive out of me by telling me love is a fallacy)is a die hard romantic...I mean, I can look at life objectively and think, love does not happen like that...people dont fall in love, ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after...but well, part of me hopes that some day, I will be proved wrong!!


Thankyou for your good wishes and I wish the same in return!

Kate xxx

[You]

Very interesting. I personally don't know if the thing about soul mates or destined doubles or whatever is true, but I think that we shouldn't dwell upon things like that too much. If you truly believe in things like destiny, you shouldn't try to force it. That doesn't mean sit back and do nothing, but follow you feelings, be the way you should be, act the way you act, do not sacrifice any principles or traits of yourself (except those you honestly don't want, that doesn't include things others don't want though).

[Graelwyn]

Part of me believes in destiny, another part doesn't...way I work lol. I do believe there are one or two people in life for whom we are destined...ones whose souls closely resonate with ours...even if on the surface they are complete opposites to us.

For now, I am simply sitting back and letting things be, because in the end, if something is meant to be, I believe it will in time. I just don't think I am ready yet. I still have many issues to overcome and to learn to love myself before love will come into my life from other sources, I think.

Kate xxx

[Naiad780]

A friend and I were discussing how often people take a powerful relationship and mistake it for romantic love.  A few years ago, I had a situation somewhat like yours, but it turned out that we both mistook the relationship for something romantic and kind of forced it into that mold because we assumed that anything so powerful must be passionate, romantic love, right?

Well, we were wrong.  It was still an amazingly close, loving, caring, spiritual bond, but we were not suited to be mates.  It screwed things up, actually, since we ended up resentful and distanced ourselves from each other.    

Obviously I can't generalize to your situation, but keep it in mind.  It doesn't have to be romantic.

[Allseeingeyes]

Hello! Well when I read this post I definately felt for you. Enough to create an account and post *Im more of a lurker here*

Anyway...Im curious as to the astrological sign of this man...its not an all deciding factor but it would be interesting to know considering how you describe him.

It seems that you have a very strong spiritual connection with this person. As Naiad780 posted, just because you have a soul to soul connection with someone doesnt neccessarily mean you are "soul mates" or somehow meant to be romantically together in this life.

I recently ended a 4 year relationship with a soul mate of mine..he was deeply connected to me and still is, as I am to him. We love and care for each other very deeply, but it still made us both very unhappy to be together. I felt as if I needed to stand alone, so I did. The relief I felt was overwhelming..as if I had been trying to hold something together that was falling apart for so lone, Id forgotten what its like to have my hands free!

And the thing is, since we have broken up, our soul connection has not weakened. NOt in the slightest. Our parting was a part of our story, and as important as the moments we were the most in love.

I sort of hate the term soul mates..it implies that there is one "other half" out there for everybody and thats it. It annoys me. Ive had many different soul mates in my life.

If I were you I would work on a friendship with this guy. It seems perhaps he is scared you are expecting a relationship. Talk to him..I know you said he ignores you when you try, and if he is not willing to talk, then so be it I say. I have had MANY experiances with someone where everthing is happening for some higher reason and I can FEEL it..when things click so crazily..only to have that person leave my life after a short period of time. I dont believe all soul mates are meant to be in our lives..perhaps just meeting this man has changed something on your path, something important.

Good Luck, and remember to watch out, things are often not as they seem.

[Graelwyn]

Hi and sorry I took so long to see this, I had not expected any further response... It is not so much romance I am interested in. I cannot describe it really, other than to say, it is a very powerful feeling that this man and I have work to do for some higher purpose...and that term came through in a piece of automatic writing prior to xmas.

Basically, things, for now, have gone disastrously wrong lol. In that, as a result of my loose tongue, he lost his place on an internet site and has blocked all contact with me. And of course, I have thought to myself over and over...this is stupid...why cling onto foolish, empty hopes, why bother looking at the signs, why bother ACTUALLY believing in anything beyond what I see happening?

There have been just too many signs for me to ignore, there really have. For one, his actions of late are exactly mirroring mine a few months ago. It is like watching myself making mistakes all over again.

I dont know what more I can say, other than that it isnt just about romance..it isnt about love alone...it is this tremendously deep feeling that he and I are meant to...just be! I have had many come in and out of my life, but none have struck such a note with me as this.

I sometimes sit here and it feels as though I can see and feel his soul...to me, his essence is like pure light...it doesnt matter if we are in conflict on this plane, at a soul level, there is a wonderful connection.

Would you easily let that go? Just forget it and cast it off as a delusion ?

[Graelwyn]

PS- he is a gemini and I am Taurus... and as far as chinese astrology goes, he is a goat, and I am a rabbit. He fits the Goat very well actually, lol

[Bright Star]

oh boy.....I have travelled this same journey!
After healing two past lives, and still feeling such intense energy I stopped and look at what it was that was so intense for me. What in this relationship was revealing parts in me that needed healing. It was a deep hunt, and I found it, healed it and all the intencity fell away. As I refect on the journey now it was a grand gift. May you find the gifts also.
Namaste

[BirdManKalki]

I don't know how to approach you with this and there is no easy way to say this. I have recently, just before Christmas been through almost the same experience you have been through, I thought I loved this lady her name was Scarlet. After meeting her once, and hearing her testify to truth I couldn't bare being away from her, my heart felt like it had been cut to pieces, I have even said to my friends that sometimes I think she's in my head, I've wanted to just give up and die. I'm still happy beyond description, but I'm empty inside, I'm only alive to teach people who hate me.I'm searching for my love. I'm using my intuition I could be wrong, but my intuition hasn't failed me yet. I fear no man or beast yet I fear rejection of myself. If I'm wrong or I've been presumptuous I'm sorry and I didn't mean to confuse you.

Your Child Of Light And Thought

The Birdman

Music

Placebo – Without You I'm Nothing

If I've upset you I'm sorry.
Ps can I approach you in Private Message?

[Graelwyn]

Hi Birdman, yes of course you may approach me in private message or msn or whichever, and no, you have not upset me at all. It is great to find there are others out there who can understand to some degree what it feels like and how deep it can hurt.

Kate xx