Everybody must worship Satan!!!

[Allanon]

quote:is it the faith making things HARDER or is it the truth? A.

It is the Truth that no one really cares about what God wants.

[Forgotten Flame 13]

Hmmmm... Allanon. According to your bible, God created everything and loves everything that he created. Yet he laughs at men who are condemned. Nice, isn't he. Oh, and you said that Jesus was God incarnated into a human body. So God is his own son? One last thing. I've just been wondering this and you seem to be so smart. Jesus's mother is supposed to be a virgin? How the hell was Jesus born if his mother was a virgin? (I'm not really sure about this, this is just what I gathered from the Family Guy.)

[beavis]

Allanon "God is not some inept deciever that is going to allow His book to be fuc$%%# with"

If the book isnt an accurate description of "god", then "god" could say its not his book and have no obligation to make it accurate about him.

[Allanon]

Your opinions and subjective dreams of the Lord of are of no value. God is God and what He says goes. If you reject His Words you will be like a blind man in a snow storm and will always be questioning' WHY, WHY OH LORD?

John 12
48There is a judge for the one who rejects me and does not accept my words; that very word which I spoke will condemn him at the last day.

[Varner-LaPrade]

Guess what Allanon god(not capped)has no power over me I am not is being, my species was created by the Annunaki.  he(again)has no power admit it,he could not,alas,keeep two mortols from eating bad fruit.

[Allanon]

Varneer

You will either go through life with no religon and no trust in any belief system.

Or you will believe on the Son of Man.

I have noticed that seekers that really look come to the conclusion that we are created by aliens. I was in the same boat before I found Him. That is a sign that you are at the last illusion of the devil. Once you lose your trust for history and man you will finally see the Light of the Divine Child which is Jesus Christ.

[LA FORET MAUVE]

come on everybody to my chat room

signed: biblepreachingbegginersnightmare [8D]

[Nay]

ROTFLMAO!  now THAT was funny, La Foret!

Nay [][][]

[Allanon]

This post by Allanon has been deleted as it was one of 6 replicas of a post originally submitted by Chill in topic -
Be warned: The spirit-war is well underway...

http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=6894&whichpage=2

Regards
James.

[thelou]

HHHHAAAAAAAAAAAA HHHHHAAAAA

ROTFLMAO

Some people jest,
while others cannot,
some people rest,
while others burn in hell.

VERILY I SAY ONTO YOU BRETHREN THE MASSES HAVE STOPPED COMING TO PAY TRIBUTE TO THE MOST ALMIGHTY DONATION BOX, THAT WE MAY FILL OUR POCKETS AND CALL OURSELVES MONEYCHANGERS.

But master, the people have stopped coming to church because they fear they cannot live a life without sin and all are doomed to Hell.  A life without sin is impossible.

VERILY I SAY WE SHALL INVENT A THING THAT WILL ABSOLVE THEM FOR THEIR SINS AND WE WILL NAME OUR INVENTION "CONFESSION" AND WE AS HUMAN MEN WILL ABSOLVE THEM OF THEIR SINS SO THAT THEY MAY AGAIN COME ONTO THE CHURCH AND GIVE ME THERE MONEY.  AND FOR A PRICE WE WILL PRAY FOR THEM AND MAKE THEM WHOLE AGAIN!

But master we have done as you said.  At first the sheep, I mean people came back to the church.  But only the ones with enough money to pay for absolution stayed.  The poor, the hungry, the masses have stopped coming again.

HEAR ME AS I DECREE THAT FROM THIS DAY FORWARD CONFESSION WILL BE FOR FREE!!!  NOW ALL THAT HAVE SINNED WILL BRING THEIR MONEY, I MEAN THEMSELVES BACK TO THE CHURCH AND BE ABSOLVED OF SINN AND LIVE FREE AGAIN.  WE WILL INVENT A MAGIC WORD THAT WILL ERASE THE SIN.  FROM THIS DAY FORWARD THE WORDS "HAIL MARY" WILL MAKE THEM CLEAN.  BUT ONLY IF ONE OF OUR OWN, ONE FROM THE CHURCH SAYS IT.  WE CANNOT LET THEM FIND OUT THAT THEY CAN FIND GOD IN THEIR OWN HEARTS, OR THEY WILL GIVE THEIR MONEY TO THEMSELVES.

Yes master, it will be good.  Again you have figured out how to keep our business alive and out of chapter 11.

[beavis]

Gandalf: ALL THOSE WHO FOLLOW THE FALSE SATANS SHALL BE CAST INTO THE CLEAR SCENTED WATERS OF HEAVEN WHERE YE SHALL BE TORTURED FOR ALL ETERNITY WITH BAD CAROL SINGING, HYMNS, FLOWING WHITE ROBES, WINGS AND ALL MANNER OF OTHER HIDEOUSLY STEREOTYPED HORRORS

Awesome way to show the flaws of religions.

[The AlphaOmega]

Reminds me of Monty Python!  Wonder where Hitler would have gotten if he preached like that.  

"AND IT WAS WITH A LO, BEHOLD, LO AND LOTS MORE LO AND BEHOLD, WITH A LITTLE MORE VERILY THROWN IN FOR GOOD MEASURE, THAT I SAY THE JEWS MUST PERISH"!!!

[SmileySpirit14]

heh, i can already point out a couple of people i hate now...(i'll do best to keep my mouth shut, cuz if i didnt, youd be cryin to ya momma!) **im sure u know who you are**[B)]

[Wronski Feint]

Satan is only human, therefore limited by human reason and human boundries. God is somthing more.

[wendi]

May I explain why the original post could be considered offensive?

There was really only one sentence in there that was obviously a joke.  The rest of it sounded like weird channeling.

The word Satan is word that has a lot of meaning for many people.
It mostly refers to anything that isn't true or good, and even incarnate evil for some people.  I don't know how wise it is to use it lightly.

There's Power in the Blood of the Lamb.

[WalkerInTheWoods]

OK, peeps, this was start as a joke a long while back. You had to be there to fully understand. Don't take this thread seriously. []

[sahlyn]

Exactly! *points to fallnangel77's post*

Basically, there was this... um... "particular member" who was polluting the forums with his radical Christian beliefs, telling us that astral projection etc is all the work of Satan etc etc.. on and on... add nausea.

Gandalf started this thread as a joke to demonstrate the absurdity of such notions, and I guess to try and make this "particular member" see how ridiculous he was sounding.

Here is the thread that started it all. (note: it's a well and truly "locked" thread)

http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=6682

Peace

Hmmm, 4:11am already. Time for some sleep.

[Colin]

Oh dear, SmileySpirit hates some of the posters on this thread. How Christian of her. Perhaps they can sacrifice an animal to JHVH to atone for their sins- like the bible says.

[beavis]

Wronski: Satan is only human

If he's human, there is only 1 man he could be... George W Bush!!!

[WalkerInTheWoods]

LOL@beavis [:I]

[findtruth]

*strrreeeeeeeeetch*
Interesting (and humorously amusing) read.
While we're quoting, may I quote the bible, too?

"16Cain then left the Lord's prescence and settled in the land of Nod, east of Eden.  17Cain had relations with his wife..."
uh..Genesis chapter 4

An oldy, but it's still funny how it contradicts itself.  There was Adam, Eve, Able's corpse, and Cain, so who (what) was Cain's wife?
P.S.  Don't vote Bush!

[thelou]

I'm not even gonna go there.

(Nice touch though)[]

thelou

[Gandalf]

LEND ME YOUR EARS HEATHENS. THIS IS SATAN'S DICIPLE HAVING POSSESSED THE HANDS OF DOUGLAS WHO OPENED HIS BODY AND MIND TO THE TRUE MASTER BY THE UNGLORIUS ACT OF ASTRAL PROJECTION, AS RECOMMENDED BY SATAN HIMSELF; HE RECOMENDS THAT YOU ALL DO THE SAME IN ORDER TO RECEIVE THE TRUE LORD!

AND LO! I DID DECEND INTO THE PITS OF HELL WHEREUPON I DID LAY EYES UPON THE UNHOLY MASTER LUCIFER WHO DENIED THAT HIS NAME HAD ANYTHING WHATSOEVER TO DO WITH THE MINOR ROMAN GOD OF THE SAME NAME, AND BEHOLD HE TOLD ME ALSO THAT HELL HAD NO CONNECTION WITH THE NORSE GODDESS OF THE DEAD.
I BENT THE KNEE TO THE TRUE MASTER OF THE WORLD AND VERILY I TELL YOU ALL THAT YOU MUST ALL DO THE SAME AS YOU ARE ALL SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF SATAN.
VERILY IT IS EASIER TO PASS WATER THROUGH THE EYE OF THE STATUE OF LIBERTY THAN TO ENTER THE KINGDOM OF HELL.
I TELL YOU THAT ALL THOSE WHO FOLLOW THE FALSE SATANS SHALL BE CAST INTO THE CLEAR SCENTED WATERS OF HEAVEN WHERE YE SHALL BE TORTURED FOR ALL ETERNITY WITH BAD CAROL SINGING, HYMNS, FLOWING WHITE ROBES, WINGS AND ALL MANNER OF OTHER HIDEOUSLY STEREOTYPED HORRORS THAT THE FOUL DEPRAVITIES OF THE FALSE SATANS CAN MUSTER AGAINST THEE!

REPENT ALL YE CHRISTIAN HEATHENS LEST YE BE FORCED TO TAKE PART IN THE CURSED NATIVITY PLAY OF A THOUSAND YEARS AND BE FORCED TO GAZE UPON THE HIDEOUSLY TACKY NEON CROSSES THAT THE AMERICAN FOLLOWERS OF THE FALSE SATANS FORCE THEIR WORSHIPPERS TO ENDURE.

AND IT WAS WITH A LO, BEHOLD, LO AND LOTS MORE LO AND BEHOLD, WITH A LITTLE MORE VERILY THROWN IN FOR GOOD MEASURE, THAT I DID MARCH FORTH FROM THE ABODE OF THE TRUE LORD SATAN TO PREACH THE WORD UNTO THE HEATHENS OF THE EARTH, VERILY MY MISSION HAS BEGUN!

!