For women

[wisp]

Tayesin,
Yes, this is all very true. It's unfortunate that women's groups also have a tendency to take the same routes as special interest groups. Until then, things will remain out of balance and confusing to most.Groups are busy accusing and claiming to be victims, instead of building something independently.

[TheLunatic]

What makes things even more confusing is the fact that people are not the same everywhere you go. Especially in maters of love. Around where I live there is a very unbalanced ratio of males to females and it's made for some very disturbing trends.

Women can be just as uncaring and unfaithful and do all the things you see men doing in popular media in relation to sex. Most of you would be completely shocked to hear women say the things I've heard them say let alone see all the insane behavior.

I can truly say that there are men and women who have no respect for anyone but themselves and treat their fellow people as toys to be broken and tossed aside.

And women can put their own special spin on it that makes it extra hurtful...

[Gwathren]

quote:Originally posted by TheLunatic

What makes things even more confusing is the fact that people are not the same everywhere you go. Especially in maters of love. Around where I live there is a very unbalanced ratio of males to females and it's made for some very disturbing trends.

Women can be just as uncaring and unfaithful and do all the things you see men doing in popular media in relation to sex. Most of you would be completely shocked to hear women say the things I've heard them say let alone see all the insane behavior.

I can truly say that there are men and women who have no respect for anyone but themselves and treat their fellow people as toys to be broken and tossed aside.

And women can put their own special spin on it that makes it extra hurtful...

You are completely right. Don't think that only men are able to act like idiots. Women are just as much capable in doing it as men are. Men have their special way to make things worse, but women have it too, and both can be equally hurtful.

[kiauma]

Yes, great post Tayesin.  []

As far as the male revolution, I feel the same as other men here have said, that 'regular guy' type mentality just does not work.  I think the reason for this is because the male stereotype of our society is a very narrow role, which too many men find themselves bound to, but are unable to transcend without seeming feminine, which they are not willing to do, as part of the stereotype.  It is a catch 22 situation - damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

Many women are also caught in stereotypical roles, but IMO I think because of the current position of the pendulum in the sexual revolution and by virtue of the femole role stereotype itself women do find themselves somewhat better off than the men, but that is a generality so please don't burn me at the stake.  []

[Leon]

Well said kiaumu

[Manix]

What do I look for in a guy?
I get along well with the abstract thinking guys. You know the type that hang out in comic book stores and talk about star trek all day long LOL. But I'm more attracted to the cool headed logical guys. The man who takes his responsibilies and family seriously. If he knows how to pick up his socks and put them in the hamper, that's a bonus.

[Lighthouse]

I think over the years, what I look for in a man has changed.  When I was in college, I liked the tall dark and handsome, little bit obnoxious, athletic, funny type that would treat me like a piece of furniture.  

Then I was into the smart, intellectual, challenge my thinking, personable and friendly type.  One who could provide for me, give me children and sort of act like my "daddy." This is who I married.

Now, I am drawn to the guy who is not necessarily an overacheiver or who is not necessarily out there being the life of the party.  One who is in touch with his spiritual nature and cherishes me for who I am without expectation that I might be someone different.  Someonw who is true to himself and is not afraid to live or love.  Someone who is introspective and can just shut up and feel what I'm trying to express.  Someone who has many yin (female) qualities yet is very heterosexual.  One who is secure enough in himself to allow me to explore my truth withour feeling I am stepping on his truth.  One who honors himself and expects the same of others and who also honors me and my beliefs.  Also, I need for them to touch the core of my being and turn me on... I like my men deep and penetrating... in every way.

In my younger years, I wasn't ready for the nice guy who would honor me... I needed to grow up... now I am.

Kerri

[Hannah b]

I have this really cool aunt,who once told me her theory:
All men are the same in a way, so find one that is smart, funny, good in bed and makes you feel secure.
I used to look for the deep thinking, sensitive, spiritual, highly intelectual types..but spending time with them made my nerves a wreck. So now, I'm looking for the very down to earth qualities like : responsibility, willingness to cooperate, knowing what they want from life....+ all the things from my aunt's list...oh and one more: respect...it's not much is it??
lol, I just remembered...my college proffesor had this 4 hour lecture about women in film ( analizing why, what for, how?)..and at the end he said:
"so remember...what do women want??
it's simple: they want EVERYTHING".

[Aerli]

I agree that we can define what we want and then be totally surprised by what we actually need or are attracted to.  I think that can be part of the magic of a really good relationship.

Some things I don't like in a man are being too clingy or manipulative.  I hate guilt trips.

When a man helps me feel secure, confident and meaningful without being condescsending...well, I haven't found that man yet but it seems like it would be nice. []

Shared interests are a good thing but having different interests can be intriguing too if he is passionate about them.

[Nay]

What I look for in a man.....My hubby of course!! []

Almost nine years together and it still feels new. I find it amazing how we still love to talk and hang out together, and him being tall dark and handsome does not hurt...[]

Nay

[WalkerInTheWoods]

quote:Originally posted by Hannah b


"so remember...what do women want??
it's simple: they want EVERYTHING".

Figuring that part out is easy. Knowing when to give her what is the hard part. [B)]

[Kazbadan]

i have a similar question: what do you search in first place in a men? The body?

My theorie is that, womens look into the body (i mean: external beauty) first and then they will check up the interior:
-if it is good (all the qualities that you have refered) it will be a good marriage, boyfriend, whatever

_if not, it will be a good toy for some nights. If good enough (the body), you will even treason you husband, or boyfriend. At least if you do not control your emotions. I say this becaus ebasically we are animals before being persons.

Why womens are always hiding saying things like: "Oh, interior beauty it is the most important thing!", etc. Tha´t fake, because if true, every women in the world would be in love for Dalai Lama (i love this guy!...but in a different manner []) and men would be in love for Madre Theresa (may her soul rest in peace).

How much importance do you give to the body, to sex, and to the other qualities?

Please, be honest!

[Nay]

Not all women are like that Kazbadan.  I can honestly and proudly say that I have to like the inside of a person first, they can be totally hot, but if their personality is ucky..they can hit the road.  Sure there is physical attraction but I don't turn around and not talk to someone because they may not be what people would call attractive. (when I was single of course)

When I met my hubby, I was not attracted to him physically at all, infact I turned him down for a dance..[] I just needed to get to know him first and the more we talked that is when the attraction started.  I still say his ears are huge..LOL..but I love him with all of my being. []

For the life of me I can't figure out why he even noticed me...it was a hard time in my life, I was in a very abusive marriage and had no self esteem, wore glasses, and thirty pounds over weight..I felt ugly, but he saw something in me, thank god!!!  

What you are accusing women of doing, men can do as well....I would go so far as to say, that men are much more visual creatures then women and need something pretty to look at. Lets face it, women love to cuddle and talk..men love to..ummmmm...ummmmmmm..yeah..that's it.

Why do I have a feeling I'm going to be told to go to my room?? LOL

Nay

[Hannah b]

it may sound cheesy,
but reading the series "Men are from Mars and women are from Venus" made everythig clear to me...Ofcourse we women dream of a man who reads our mind, but it's impossible (unless you both master astral travel;))...so we have to be realistic  and start talking. My good friend does this trick on her husband all the time, and boy it pays off!!!
"Tom, I like flowers...Tom, i like it when you give me flowers, I really like flowers, I would be very happy if you brought flowers for me from time to time, ahhh...those flowers are so beautiful...I'd love it if you could buy me ones oneday...Tom...I really love flowers....
guess what ? Tom  buys her flowers! Ta - da!!!..but that's because my friend is a smart woman, and he's a cooperative...
one more thing..(from the book)...ask us questions...and let us blab...asking us  "how was your day", makes us feel cared for and loved...(even if you really don't...auch!!!i just sold you a really nasty trick!!!!)..
Sorry if any women have a different opinion...this is only mine...

As for looks I have a theory.
How many men do you know that are with an ugly but smart woman???hmmm...(2 out of a 100)

Now how many women do you know that are with ugly but smart men???( 70 out of a hundred)...

I may be a specific example, because my country is known for very beautiful women, and ugly men...but there is a point.
Nothing in the world is worse than a stupid man..To me the brain is the biggest turn on.....I know many men who pretend to be smart simply by not talking much..(och!!that's so mysterious!!!)...you won't believe how many women die for them!!!!
I had this ugly boyfriend that fas so fun i couldn't resist him...his joke was the first thing I noticed! And amillion times I was dazzed in somebody...but then a horrible thing would happen...He'd open his mouth...................lol

As for looks, ofcourse..the normal...eyes, hands....less normal...the nose...)
Also nothing beats a good sence of humour, because it means that you're cool about life and yourself, which to me is  a huge plus....
ugh...one more, overgroomed men are discusting...If I sence or rather see;))that he spends more time in the bathroom than I it's a killer.( I'm not a hippy;))
SO a huge YES! to interior!!!

ps I'd be with Dalai Lama if it would be possible ,in a blink of an eye!!!!!

[Kazbadan]

So, you (women) say that prefer a ugly but nice man to a an Apolo like man with no brains. That means that if you have an ugly boyfriend you will be looking to other well looked guys all the time, only to compensate that little "accident" (the ugly look)?

What about my female friends? They are nice and intelegent, but for some occasions i catch (without pretending or sneaking around...just as a coincidence) her conversations without being noticed. Before they see me i have catch what they really think about mens.

They stay dazed for nice bodys, perfect guys and beautiful mens, even if they dont have nothing. They speak in a manner that seems that they could commit treason to their boyfriends, just to have a...uuummmmm(you know) for nigth with them, and after that return to their normal lifes. It´s incredible what you discover when nobody sees you!

[Hannah b]

LOl I just noticed that you are from Portugal!!
NO WONDER your girl friends stay dazed! Portugal is heaven for women;))
why can't you be closer to Poland...ughhh...
but seriously...I guess that it's also a matter of age ,having brains yourself, and knowing what you want from life. Everybody likes beauty, i also have married friends that drool over Apollos, but quickly run back to their hubby chubby husbands...but people are people, and we are partially animals..(or actually we are animals)...and it's all chemistry and hormones.
I can only speak for myself.

[wantsumrice]

All there needs to be said is women don't know what they want, and they never will [].  So...to get the catch (as I assume this topic is to help pick-up women) the guy has to be unique and offer something new to the woman.  Piece of cake.  Women aren't that hard after all [^]

~ivan

[Nay]

*smacks Ivan* what a terrible thing to say!! [] You are such a stud muffin..[]

I think Hannah said it well..  I knew I wasn't explaining myself right..lol.

It doesn't matter one way or the other.. they can look good or not, it only matters how they make you feel inside, how you connect with that person. []

Nay

[jilola]

The most common thing that attracts people together regardless of their respective genders seems to be looks and societal stature.
But the thing that keeps them together always seems to be the spirit behind the physical and societal appearance.
The challenge is to see behind  appearances be they gender, looks, wealth or intelligence. What makes you feel at home, comfortable and safe is what counts. But how many, in our fastfastfastfast-nownownow world, will take the time to discover that or to find apartner who matches that?

Ah well, my reply to what I'm looking for in a guy... I have no idea apart from the qualities I stated above. And so far I've proven to be hetero. It ain't the body but the person that should count.
I suppose JameS will agree that at time sbeing an empath things can get a bit strange and unorthodox [8D]

hah just before submitting the post: It's not the bodywork of the car but the engine that makes it go.


2cents & L&L
Jouni

[atalanta]

I use to have a list of things I wanted in a male, you know, goodlooking, wealthy, intelligent.  Now I see them as bonuses because in my life experience, I have had crushes on incredibly overweight, ugly, uneducated and poor men, and several jerks inbetween.

Now the only list I have is that they have to be kind, happy, wise, honest, trustworthy, dependable and in love with me 100%.  A love of cleanliness and fishing/nature would be a big bonus. []  

I would like to have the experience of waking up next to someone who I know will be waking up next to me for the rest of my life.  I don't have to guess if they will be there.  I want to know that when I am sick they will take care of things and me.  When I am scared they will be holding my hand and telling me that they know it will be okay.  I also want to have someone where when things go wrong in their life they will let me in so I can take care of them.

Whenever I imagine what it would be like, I see myself sitting next to my partner enjoying a campfire, or in our backyard, or sailing.  Its all simple images but they mean a lot to me.  Its how I would like to spend the rest of my life, gently, quietly, harmoniously and in love.

Now I just got to find the little rascal! []

[Lighthouse]

The trend I'm seeing here is that the women are saying it's what inside that counts and the men are saying that they think women see what's on the outside...

I have my own theories about why this dynamic is ocurring so, please humor me...

here's my question guys...

What attracts you in a woman? [:X]

Kerri

[Nay]

LOL..I swear if I see the words big boobs I will fall down laughing, then pop up saying...I KNEW IT...[] []

Sorry, I'm in one of those moods tonight. [:I]

Nay

[MoonGirl]

What originally attracts me (besides, naturally, the basic physical attraction) is humour, wit and a bit of mischeviousness.  Self confidence but not arrogance.  Make me laugh... WITH you not AT you.  I like someone that's a little bit of a rebel.  Artistic and creative helps.  I don't think I've dated anyone that wasn't either an artist, musician or poet on some level.  I love well-spoken men.  Intelligence is a MUST.  The prettiest man in the world could come up to me but if he opens his mouth and says "My name are Brutus" then chances are I will be completely uninterested (unless I were really drunk and horny in which case he might have gotten a one hour stand before I was married).  

To make me stick around, though, there does need to be other qualities present.  I like a man with a spine and that's not afraid to voice his own opinion.  I will probably not agree with everything he has to say but I will respect that he voices what he's thinking.  Respect is important for me from both sides.  I have to respect the man I'm with and he has to respect me.  

SOME stability is necessary.  I don't mean rich by any means.  But I wouldn't want to date someone homeless or someone that couldn't keep a job for more than a couple months.  I don't want someone boring and straightlaced but completely irresponsible is out of the question.

[Kazbadan]

Hanna b: so you like portuguese guys ah..?![8D] You must visit Portugal some day (not only for the guys!)!

About what men search in a women: big boobs []..lol, this one was dedicated to Nay, just kiding with you.

Seriously, i must admite that there must exist at least a normal body, i am not asking for any deity, but it must be normal (really, do you think that men would be dazed for an old women just because she is very nice?). More on the body: for many times i get in love form womens that at the begining caused me little or none atraction, but latter i found that they were amazing (psycologicaly talking) thus making me become in love with then.

To be honest, i dont kmow what you men search in a women. I think i love nice womens, that are funny (at least a little) and open minded. She must be honest and simple. By simple i am talking on their manners: nothing of heavy cosmetics and strange cloths.

If you are asking this (what womens search in a womens) because you want to know more about how to catch a nice guy i must give some more advices:
-dont be to easy to catch. Mens love easy womens for sex but for dating they prefer womens that are a little hard to conquer.
Pretend that you  are not interested at all, but sometimes act in the opposite way (just some times! in the begining). This will send miexed and confusing messages that will KO the guy. Act like if you are a little cold, but in rare ocasions, touch him in the arm or the hand,look at him into the eyes with care, and then leave it and continue to act as a "cold" (cold=fatal women, not frozen women). This is bombastic!

-second advce: don´t abuse from the last advice: if you make your self too hard, he will jumpt into other girl or if is in love with you, he will suffer a little.

-be simple (do not exagerate in parfums, just give a "hint" (maybe just a little more than that)

-the eyes: i love beautifull eyes or when someone that i like trys to hipnothyse me with the eyes!

-about the clothes: simple clothes, that are a little opened are very good. Sugest but do not show completly, examples: in the chest just give a "hint". If you want use skirt, but not too short (neither too long) combined with open shoes (this is not fetish, but a women with boots or normal shoes are much less sensual that the ones using high heels or opened shoes....ask to other mens).

-On the attitude: you must learn to be funny, but not like a comedian. Just avoid to with your lips allways closed without even a smyle on it! In conversations dont be too exagerated in details! Men dont like that (some details i like but not to much, as typical in the womens).

-Even with this advices, just remember to be yourself. Conclusion: act in a simple (but intelegent) manner, with an open heart (that does not mean "easy to catch") that shows a nice and funnt person.


I hope i am being useful for womens, since someone here asked somthing related with this!

Now it´s your time[]: how do we must to act?!

SO, i hope that i am being useful!

[Hannah b]

Kazbadan,
i spend one of my best summers in Portugal, but you're right, I should visit it not only for the guys oneday;))

Thanks for the tips, ugh it's so difficult to play it cool sometimes..
When I'm about to burst I repeat" play it cool and scream later".Sometimes it helps...

How do you must act?
Show us you care, so that we can play our part and pretend we don't care.lol
also as for me...be a gentelman, be brave and for God's sake be yourself!;))

all the best