For women

[Gwathren]

I think attraction comes with this certain paly between a man and a woman. This game is everything. Man somehow has to create the tension between himself and the woman. I think the two people should entertain each other. Like dancing - the man leads, but if the woman does nothing... it would be quite boring, wouldn't it?

[Lighthouse]

I think you misunderstand...

The women are divulging to you men what they look for in a guy... They are not giving an instruction manual about how to do the dance.  

So again;

What qualities in a woman attracts you?

Kerri

[kiauma]

Chemistry is important.   I think that includes and goes quite beyond physical appearances.  

I look for a woman that is independant, but also believes in commitment.  I look for a woman with the wisdom and self confidence to know when to give space, and when to make a stand.  I look for a woman that has determination and strength, but is also open and spontaneous.  I look for a woman who is interested both in sharing her life with me, and me sharing mine with her.  I look for a woman with a sense of humor, a sense of magic, and a sense of adventure.  

In short, I look for positive connection - a friend and a lover.

[atalanta]

Oh, Kiauma, where have you been all my life! He, he, he...[]

I am exactly what you have been looking for.

Drop me a line big boy!  Mumma's coming home![]

[:X]

Bet I scared you then!  He, he, he...[][]  Be afraid, very afraid...

[Nay]

*nudges atalanta aside*

Noooo..I'm the one your looking for!  Oh, wait....I'm married, *grabs atalanta and pulls her back in place*

Ya'll would make a cute couple..[]

Nay []

[James S]

I'm not ashamed to admit that the first thing that grabs my attention is physical beauty. I won't go into great detail as to exactly what physical features attract my attention the most, or first, but to give an example, I would consider Liv Tyler, closely followed by Kate Beckinsale (esp as the vampire Selene from Underworld)to be two really gorgeous women!

The thing is, for me, physical beauty is very much dependent upon inner beauty. Exterior appearance alone doesn't cut it. Someone who shows their inner beauty need not have what today's society might consider the perfect physical appearance to be attractive. A woman who has a caring, loving, happy, open and 'genuine' soul will always be more attractive to me than an "air-brushed", silicon enhanced glamour queen.

Regards,
James

[Birm]

I like women that i can be good friends... I mean i shouldnt be acting like i am trying to impress her, nor should she. We must be pure ourselves and if that way we can feel love than we can be a good couple i believe...

But you never know how it happens when you fall for someone.

There is no logic in men - women relationships... It just happens...

So let it be.
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[atalanta]

Nay, ever seen fatal attraction?!!![!][xx(]  

I am glad you realised in time that Kiauma is mine! []

Really, I am a very nice, quiet, gentle sort of gal.

[atalanta]

Sorry, Kiauma, just got a look at Birm.  I hear Nay is looking for romance though.

Ah, Birm, I don't mind toy boys, lets hope you don't! []

I know, I know, women are so fickle, and in my case, I am really bored as well tonight.  [)]

[Birm]

A soul never gets older...

But...

Well...

I am too young for you i believe...

I mean...

Well...

Oh ok! Let's go fishing then... []
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[WalkerInTheWoods]

Anything can attract me to someone at first. Everyone is different and unique so I look for the person's unique beauty. I would hate to miss out on knowing someone great because I had a list of certain things. She might present something I never thought of before.

If she wants to stick around she has to stimulate my heart, body, and soul. I want it all! []

I have met someone with great potential. [] We will have to see where it goes. Too bad she lives so far away. []

[kiauma]

LOL!  Y'all are busy!  

I'm married too.  

[atalanta]

So Birm you don't mind fishing with an ancient Greek? [] I love fishing and know a few good spots around Sydney.

Kiauma, let me know if you two ever split up. [] []

I like being a fisher of men...he,he,he,...I still remember my bible quotes, but I don't think JC meant it my way. []

[kiauma]

I'll keep you posted atalanta.  []   I don't fish, but I love camping.  []

...and you never know what J.C. did all that time out in the desert with all those guys...   [][]

[Birm]

quote:So Birm you don't mind fishing with an ancient Greek?

No I dont mind. I like greek gals. I also had a few relations with them... If you don't mind fishing with an actual Turk... I am on it.

P.S. Maybe I will have to ask my mother about this first.

[Kazbadan]

Lightouse, about what i search in a women, i refered that among in the "tips" that i gave you. I search for a sympathique and nice women, that is funny (i mean: that is always kiding and "playing" with you, and that is always in a great mood). I want a women that is honest with whom i can share my (and her) ideas, feelings,etc. And for last(not the last option, i say "last" becuase it is the last option in this list) i want someone that it is very sweet and warm.

[Lighthouse]

Kazbadan,

Sorry... I just can't stand the "Rules" mentality.  I am "Brutally Honest" as my father likes to put it and don't play games with people's emotions.  I also have no tolerance for people who do... If they start playing games with me... I'm through with them.  Those tips are one way of approaching a relationship (and widely accepted [V])... They are not the only way and everyone is different.  In fact, my father would agree with you, he always used to say that I wore my heart on my sleeve and that I was too open, that guys didn't like the way I approached the "dating scene."  If I listened to my father and played those games that you were describing, I never would have married my husband because he doesn't play games either.  That goes against my nature... That's all.  It seems very dishonest to me.  If someone I'm attracted to needs that type of behavior in order to remain interested in me, then to me, there's something dysfunctional in that and I'd rather look elsewhere. (although it seems to be the norm... I still don't believe that makes it right)

You said,

quote:I want a women that is honest with whom i can share my (and her) ideas, feelings,etc.

This seems to contradict your prior statements and I'd ask you to rethink what you're really saying... you seem to contradict yourself somewhat. [:O]

By the way, I am married and am blessed to have several close male friends who share my point of view on this...[]   I just think that these "tips" may work for you, however, each person needs to live according to the dictates of their own heart... not someone else's dictates.  When you start laying down rules, it makes people think that their way of approaching things may be the wrong way. EAch person needs to forge their own way.  

I don't mean to sound like I'm bashing on you and I'm sorry if it comes across that way.  I just wanted to know what qualities the guys here look for.  It seemed to me that people were skirting the issue and you are not the only one who gave tips either... []

Best wishes,
Kerri

[jilola]

I don't think the so called dating tips are anything more than an attempt at perpetuating the myth of a relationship (and love god forbid) of being a game.
One should approach each person as an individual, not as a case to which some formula and set of rules should be applied.
Sincerity as a person is the most potent aphrodisiac there is, provided one isn't expecting it to work on someone who is completely at odds with one's beliefs and life.

2cents & L&L
Jouni

[Lighthouse]

Well Stated Jouni.

K

[Lighthouse]

By the way Jouni,

What attracts you to a woman?

K

[jilola]

To be brutally honest I have no idea. I get asked this question, especially byu relatives who think it's high time I got married and started breeding. I have no clue about answering then since they wouldn't get the answers given.

But here's how it is for me. I look for talent, intelligence, sense of huo´mour and beauty. And it wouldn't hurt if she was nice to look at either.
In my experience these go along and are an expression of a person being in tune with his (or as the case may be her) true self. The nice to look at bit is just ordinary guy horniness []

And even that reply isn't really the truth since each person is, well, a person. So stating some specific wualifications is to risk missing the one person that would be perfect except the fact that she can't play "Jingle Bells" on a tuba.

2cents & L&L
Jouni

[Lighthouse]

Jouni,

you're describing me!!!  [][:O][]

Kerri

[Kazbadan]

No,no,no...english + my paradozal mind is blowing up everything! You are not getting my point. Playing games is an expression in english that means something different from what i want to mean: i want to mean someone that is always kiding with you in many ways. Now i am getting to understand that it will be hard to explain this part due to my english. I want to mean someone that kids with you as a child with do it: poking, tickling, kissing, laughing...i dont know, i would like to give you the exact message.

About the aparent contradiction. To be honest i dont even see any aparent contradition even more a "normal" contradiction. You can kid withyour hubbie and still being an ear to him and friend voice. When younger i had some rare good friends (male friends. BTW i am not gay and i say this for you understand better my point of view).

With them i used to play games (not in the flirt way of course): fighting, running, saying jokes, whatever. Besides that we could say one to each other our secrets ("I am in love for !#$%%", etc). Are you getting my idea. Maybe i should have said that what i want in a women is someone with a childish soul (no,no, not pedo!!! I am talking in the kiding spirit!) like a spirit of fire (what words should i use?). But that same spirit is my best friend. It will listen to me and i will listen to him (him: spirit, not him as a male).

Honestly i dont know how to make a better description. My english is not a fluid as my mother tongue. I feel a great barrier that stops me from expel my thoughts to you. Just a wall stopping the river of my mind.It´s for this reason that i wich for so much that telepathy were real.

More on my ideas: i disagree at some point with jilola. When younger i was honest (as i still being) but ugly. I was nice and sympathique and inteligent with some degree of culture. My percentage of sucess with womens: 0%. No, maybe less: -10% because there were girls that would ride of my way just because of my "beauty" (for some times i saw people joking on me because of my beauty; for 2 times, i had girls, that i never saw before, saying directly in my face that i am horrible).

Now i play harder with them, being self-confident and acting a little bit in a Bond style (playing games). My outlook is better (i must admit that i look like a normal guy now). My percentage of sucess it´s bigger.

Theorys are just theories. You can speak in obes, TK, etc,etc, but that are just theories. They are real you say, so proof it. With love is the same. You speak on honesty, but with me that never worked before. Now i am not honest (not in the way that you think:i mean playing games, etc, etc...) and i look better. Why do i have better sucess?

Dont say that the womens that i met are bad, that they only have sand in their brains and hearts. Thats not true. They are amazing girls. With that amazing girls (amazing psychological, i am not refering to their look) and with other womens (shy gorls, "silicone" girls, fatal womens, grounded womens, whatever) i have more sucess.

Why is that?

Very simple: humans are animals and, altougth the can argue higher reasons, basically they will search the better companion for a good DNA replication (translation: have healthy sons). The characteristiques that shows such companion are: good body, humor, self-confident, etc,etc.


Now that i am thinking, i see that many womens speak in things like "No, body is just secondary, blabla" or "I love when a guy is showing is feeling to me,lalalla" are lying. They say one thing but live other thing. That girls (my friends, collegues, etc) have brtual guys with beautiful bodys. I am not complaying, i am just trying to say that all resumes to a little more complex Darwinistic view. You can join some other factors like having a nice smile, being honest,etc, but the essence is the same.

Do you want more? Humans have very hypocrisy: when Lady Di died ( i admit that she was good hearted women) thousand of people all over the world cried for her. TVs showed her death as an horrible incident (every death it is). It was a very bad thing. BTW: she was good hearted but she was a princess, and beatiful. Translation: she had the requisites (money for sustent, beauty for genes) for being a good generator of genes.

Now here is the hypocrisy: mother theresa was a great hearted people, that gave her life in order to help other beings and souls. What she made for the poor it´s epic. Three (?) days after Ladi Di death, when Mother Theresa died, in the news i jut saw as brief note of her death. People in the coffes would speak only in Di, not in M.Theresa. Why? Because one of them is beautiful (in body), the other one it is not...

Maybe we can argue that the world is corrupt, or we can say that our genes rules our emotions at first. Only a few, as Mother Theresa, Jesus, Dalai Lama, etc were able o surpass our animal condition. We can make the same, but the path for that is very rough and hard. We are being weak.

The true love is the one that we have with no conditions, for every single being in the universe. True love is not he same love that a man and a women feel fo each other. It is something far much more away than that.

Sorry for the long post, but i couldn´t stopo my stream of ideas.

[jilola]

No worries, Kaz. Your meaning of game got through []

If playing the game gets you laid then al is well provided getting laid is the goal.
The point of view from which I'm speaking from is that love is all that there is, that it is all pervading, eternal and the only true feeling there is. If you feel love formsomeone it shouldn't matter if you get laid or not, if you gets hugs&kisses or even if the other person ever knows you even exist.
But from the usual point of view playing the relationship game normative to our societies works better than not playing it.  It all depends on what one is looking for and how one sees love.

2cents & L&L
Jouni

PS: You're english is amazing. Better than that if some of the natives [8D]

[atalanta]

Kazbadan,

I think what you are referring to is not 'playing games' but 'teasing'.  People do tease each other in a playful sexual way in order to highten the sexual experience.  In that regard also I think you are right that you will get more women if you act like someone who is confident, successful, etc.  I don't think it has to do with passing on genes, but more to do with not wanting to be around a whining, negative, troubled and troublesome person.  Life is hard enough.  What you said about Di and Mother Theresa is true but I don't think you can compare like that.  If I had the chance while they were alive, I would have liked to spend time with both of them.  With Di because I would like to understand her and her experience of her worldly riches, etc, and Mother Theresa for her spiritual riches.  Each woman offered something very different so you can't compare.

I am going to say something to you but I want to say first that I am saying it out of spiritual sisterly concern.  I don't want to hurt you but more to make you aware in the hope that you will understand yourself better.  I have an interest in psychoanalysis, so I will give you my impression of what I hear you saying.  It doesn't mean it is right and of course you can reject it.  

Here's the thing, you talk about yourself as someone who was unattractive and not confident and that now you fixed yourself up and 'act' bolder, more confident, etc and you are more successful with women.  You see, to me, you come across as someone who is still not confident and lamenting that.  I have been reading your posts in this and in a similar type of thread before and you have always come across in the same way to me, as lacking confidence and self love.    

Your statements have this underlying message of, I am not handsome, I am not happy, I am not sure of myself, I am not lovable, the proof being that I don't get attention from women.  Therefore, I have to put on a big act, like a peacock, in hope that I will confuse women with my act and they will be attracted to me.  When they are you have confirmation of two things, 1. That you are indeed a horrible person who is not lovable unless you act like Bond, and 2. that women are these creatures that you must control or be destroyed by (ie, that your sense of ego will be destroyed).  In this scenario, women are weak and foolish if they are attracted to you because they can't see how you are tricking them.  If they aren't interested, then they are these horrible creatures that are worthy of your spite because they can't recognise your real inner self.  Either way, you lose and women lose.  

You will of course confuse women and you will get more women in bed but you will never be fulfilled with this scenario because you will never be your true self and you will always feel hate for yourself and these women.  The only way out of this paradox is to risk having no partners by being your true self until somone who truly sees you comes along or accept that you will live an empty emotional/interpersonal life but will get layed a lot more.  I hope you will choose the first but human nature being what it is, I think you will most likely choose the second, because you have found something that works for you even if it is not a self-actualising, normal or right way of thinking.  Prove me wrong, choose the first option.

You are not alone in this, we all experience a measure of these insecurities, myself included.