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Old thread. But still feel like replying.

I've had past life memories, always. I looked for proof. Because of that suspiscious mind of mine that I had been taught to have and lived accordingly, I did not listen. I was in both worlds.

Simultanously I attracted some of the wrong people, that did not listen. I got to be the victim of them (who thought they knew everything), but not before opening that door myself, letting the wrong ones in. I know that now. They are or they get twisted by their own power. Power do that to people that's already in the wrong state to begin with. Why important to know your own power and know of the power you give away to someone else.   

The only power they have is if you too believe they have it. That they're right. There are always the good ones too trying to help, bless them, but they can't do that much, the others do more damage, as long as you don't fully listen and fully believe in yourself. You got to be on the right side of yourself, first.

Fake or real memories I've come to think is not really what is important here because fake memories could still be signs of something else going on.

In the end what matters is that the individual gets help if needed by getting to what's hiding underneith the fake memories.

If they are fake they can't really hurt you or do anyting else, for that matter, I sure hope not, if made up by the force of manipulation.

I have been under meditation state and been led by the wrong someone and that turned into nothing short but manipulation but I knew it in the meditative state I was in at the time. I knew what ever was happening, what ever was coming was fake. I did not like it.

I wondered if I had never gotten the real ones, the different ones, the memories, would I then have been believing these manipulationsmeditations were from my actual past life? How is it for others?

What ever. Who ever would be doing this to someone else with good intention or not, can only get that far. The work, the ownership is to the one having the experience, to heal. IF they had been fortunate to not be manipulated with before then now is a good time to wake up and realize that. What is really going on.

May be those who study this don't agree with me as they want to prove the afterlife, past life, if real or not.

The good news are that good never gives up on you. Good is not narrowminded or twisted. Good will find you. Truth will find you. My past life memories were true. They were always true who or who did not believe they were.

If I was to show the results now (that I did not have back then) to someone skeptical or non believer they might see it now as not so bad, after all, or strange or couldn't be, at all, as they were one time making it out to be. Or they will. I don't care. Foremost it is not for others to understand, it's for me, my journey, for me to understand. To do good with it.

What they had been taught about history was right, I am sure, to others living around that period at that area but can you really say they can speak for all of the people living back then? How it always used to be?

History and culture, what survives and what gets forgotten about or hidden or manipulated with in some way can be really tricky to them have that, present as hard boiled eggsof  fitting for "the truth of history". Into every sceneary and aspects to modern living people, over time. Facts can be presented, data, but what about all the rest? Who is to say what is the truth then?

Your history books may then be "right", but individually it may be wrong. Wrong to the past life. Wrong to the person who's having these memories. Then you can proceed thinking and making the other person undergoing all of it think it's wrong, when it ain't. That will not be the right way to go, to "help" someone.

As for the past life (if anyone wants to know) I had, the woman I found after so long, was true that she was the way she was and her life ws the way she was and what happened happened. She was true to herself. If she was not true to herself she would go insane, had happened before, and her husband knew it, understood it.   

When I was telling all this they were telling me she couldn't have been like that. Telling me the circumstances couldn't have been of the sort. There for my memories were fake and I was fake. I was bad or doing bad by telling. I was then the enemy of those who had actual past life memories and their wonderful community and all the resources that so happened to be the same as those they had found in history books or where ever.

But she was not fake. But it did not help.

Her faith, my spirit guides, the visions I had of her belief system, the look of them, the signs were too all seen as bad by others or imaginative. They did not know what it was, of course, but because they did not know that, could not find that in their adoring history books or religious books, it was not true.

I had trouble, such trouble, finding it (as a religion "hiding" within a religion), but some time after finding out who she was I got the name of it. It was something she could in periods be open with when she was younger but over time they were in danger, misunderstood. Those in power wanted them to look like something and doing something they never did. They did so because we were a threat to authority of the religion. We saw it as them having wandered off for the wrong reasons. There is not one single thing I have found of it that was suppose to be bad, to be hurting someone or something. She wanted to do good things in her life and she did.

I had to get very close and very lucky to find out that my memories were true. What helped to get me there was a mediums gifts and the pursuation that she said was on the other side (telling the medium) and wanting me to know who I had been and that the memories were right. Not turn my back on it, as I had done.

Another surprising source of proof to survive the time  was her husband's love for words, many letters to her, and to other people, about her, and life, throughout their long lasting relationship and marriage (she was the first of the two to die). The family had saved them. Hers too. You can get a shock of how much and what is preserved. It was to me.

He was sort of unusual too. His reputation had been destroyed but he did have some lucky cards on his hand. She too had her lucky cards. He was still trouble walking through the door but one thing stood true and that was that he did have or learned to have his respect of her being as different as she was. Or I am. In a way. He was writing to her when they were not married, when her condition of depression was known to him. When I wonder if others would not want to write. Not want her as their friend. Not want her as their wife.

Mental diseases, mental greatness and the destruction of it existed as much back then too. Not all were locked away and had the key thrown away. They were people getting into admired positions and any other position as result from their mental and other conditions of life getting them there. I don't know if or what diagnoses would be on him had he lived today but I rest a sure they would come up with something. He had periods of something, as did she, but because they were different that way when having them, as too their mental illnesses were different from each other, they would, at the end of the day, be OK. From what I knew of before and what proof I found they lived 3 lives, two apart and one in common, because they were each others opposites some ways and the one life they had in common they were the same. From the look of it she found her way and knew what to not do or live and he let her to it, as her way of looking at things and being gave not only her the stability, but him stability.

I know from my memories that she was afraid too of the time she was living in, why she was the mom she was, why she did what she did to protect the family. Fears of the kind of power her husband had in his day, that any husband had, if he would use it the wrong way. She could not stand the wrong use of authority.

His mental illness I am not sure of what it was but it lead to him over doing anything, why his self medications, help, what kept him in line, what kept him roaming would on one side work only so and then be too much of it and get to be his foe instead. I knew of how his ways and temperaments were and then him getting back to normal. She did not have what he had. If she was only allowed to live life as she pleased she was good but she was sensitive and stubborn and knew what she could compromise and not. I knew he could make the most noise but at the end of the day he would subcumb to her, her ways, but she had to stay strong. She could not let herself be part of his circus. Not let him drag her into it. He knew it and she knew it. From the family's letters he describes as his stability when everything else was not. I know of their connection and why it was and how it was, as I too have lived through it this time too with the exact same soulmate. What I read (translated) of someone not knowing them well describing her was hurtful and that someone coming to the wrong conclusion. I know of their connection, what it was, but how to explain that to someone else and how do you grasp something like that, if lets say from a history book? But what is most important is the connection, the bond between one soulmate and the other. Is it up to that someone else to decide who we were, what was true or not, or what our true connection was?

When I saw pictures of one of their children, adult, I knew it was this child I had seen. I knew of the circumstances. I didn't need to be told. I could still see it.

In my past life I knew I could be in danger, he could be in danger, our family could be, because of the time and how people were, not all. I knew the rules. It is interesting how history books or self claimed experts can then claim this is the way everyone lived and these were the rules, so sorry, your memories and how you were don't fit in so there for it's fake. You neve were. He never was. Your life and everything is fake, fake, fake. This is what happened. This is how people were. Because that says the history books. That to me is more dangerous. I say heal what ever comes along if it is a painful memory or if it is your lucky charm your break through then it is and embrace it. 

For me it is about the healing and understanding. It is about who you were, are, but about other soulmates too and why the relationships are what they are. 

Sometimes I dream of social gatherings or meetings. A while back I dreamt of walking past a social gathering, that I used to be part of. Another I woken to, became aware, when the dreams becomes different, real, as I was then present at a social celebration of someone I used to know. Some time later I checked and there had been a celebration in real life. I know I was not aware of it datewise but thinking subcounsely my brain did the math? I dream too of random People showing up after I first am feeling they are there but when I do see them the others in my dream are not acting as if they too see them.

My best guess is that who ever did this to you are a manipulator. I'm gonna start there. Such a manipulator has found a way in, a connection of the sort. You need to break that connection, the way in. That way in could be a wound, scar, or something you are not aware of. You yourself has something like Xanths says but if I could guess it is that it works both ways. Who ever or what ever did this to you have planted something but you give it life by watering the plant. That someone may still be at it or may have gone away but you're still there watering the plant. If you can figure out what it is, get rid of the negative emotions, fear is the number one enemy, if you can get to shore, you can turn around and you then got this shield and nothing will get through, to the point that there's nothing left there, nothing at all. You will see nothing. If you feel better by meditating then do so, you have to feel your way to get there, to get to a place of safety. Curses are done by manipulators, by them feeling empowered, by them wanting power over you, and doing what ever they can to get that. They are actually really small when you think about it. They would hate me for saying that but they are and in the end they gain nothing, they're the losers, they are their own victim, not you. Heal what ever gate way in there is. Be, stand up, in your own right, being. Cut it loose. Take control over your own body. What ever energies are out there aiming at you my thoughts is that they won't harm if you heal yourself inside out. I don't claim to know all the answers, but I hope some thoughts of mine can hopefully help. 

I did it through a lot of meditation, for me it did not matter what type it was. I did not plan for it to happen, knowingly. For me it is important to learn the techniques of grounding, balance, open up, close down, protecting my mental state.

A "smile" achieves the same goal. Nothing clears the air more than a smile! 

A smile helps when it is at the right time, yes, I think so to but agree to that it seem as if timing is everything. There has been situations where other people goes off, stress, about to cry but I instead start to laugh about it (but you got to be careful so they don't think you're laughing at them, you're laughing at the situation itself).

Here is what popped in my mind when I read this. Because you are demonstrating to yourself and others neutrality, as you face is showing it. Why neutrality is important. Because in order for us to see clearly all choices in every situation and the applicable consequences, we have to arrive to the point of neutrality first. From there it would be easier to go to a more positive state. You are giving hints and sign posts to yourself and others how to get out of the negative state by looking at things from a neutral perspective first. If others are not recognizing your hints that's their choice and none of your concern as creation allows a complete freedom of choice through unconditional love. So, the most loving thing you can do for others out of compassions is not to insist on what choices they make, but to allow them to make their own choices. But if others' choices bring you down as suppose to build you up, you don't have to stay on the same path. 
Nothing is wrong with you, you just have become a messenger of solutions. Pay attention to the messages that are being shown through your body language and follow its path. At least for yourself. When we start seeing the positive side of every challenge and respond in a positive way by understanding what is our lesson and keep growing, then the circumstances eventually change to align with our dominant state of mind.

I have also been told in certain situations I am hard to read. Recently at work one of my colleagues told me that I have a poker face haha. I go into that neutral mode at times, which shows on my face for the purpose to guide others to the point of neutrality and get them out of their negative state when I observe they are stuck and cant get out of. I am reflecting with my face and words to them how to find neutrality. Once they are there, they can see clearly without so much fear and anxiety and are able to move to a more positive state.

So nice to read your words about all of this. yes it is my instinct too to be neutral. To be calm when approaching or being approached like that (or I can't think straight or loose my path). When people lose it one way or the other they let me know they are not in control of their emotions. I can tell when he's like that he won't treat me right if and when I would dare to show emotions such as tears. I've seen this ways of his going on by his other family members and I've realized that each time the object comes to a point where they get vulnerable maybe they can't help it, maybe they feel inferior, maybe they're hoping for a break - but each and every time it is as if that is satisfying (power) to the one going on they way he does and to also take what's there, the valuable vulnerability, to use it to their own advantage. And that's not using it right. I've told him he is himself behaving the very same ways that he has told me he don't like how his parent done to him. He may not think it's the same scale but it don't have to be, he's still on the same path. He's learned nothing. I've looked into how to deal with someone who has anxiety (as how he gets has got to be anxiety) and from the look of it I'm not doing it wrong. The one thing I am doing that he has a problem with is that I refuse to show myself vulnerable then and there because I don't trust him, not when he's like that.

I always go to myself first, think if I have done something wrong and feel bad about it, without knowing if it is my fault or not, I still always feel bad. I get so wrapped up in feeling bad and thinking about it that I never even throw something back at the one giving me the bad news. I think about it a lot and then I come to a conclusion if the one saying it was right or wrong. Now he's been telling me this over and over and I've been comparing it to other situations where people has told me the opposite that they feel safe and that I've handled the situations, the people the right way. I'm really grateful for your reply and you not thinking there is something wrong with me.

I want to be neutral and be grounded I suppose because I've been around people that are manipulative. When I was a kid and knew that about someone I knew in my gut how wrong that was and that nobody has the right to play with other people like that, as if we were all in this game of chess and the manipulative one trying to move us this way or that way for own benefits.

I know few people in my past and someone in my present that have a sensitive and an intelligence to them, they have an advantage that they see something in someone, but then they use their gifts to be manipulative. I don't like that. They can't be trusted. I think all of us can on a subconscious level manipulate but if you do it so intentionally there's something wrong with you. I am weary of it. I don't want to do it to someone else. I don't want it done to me.

I know some people won't catch on, won't see the signs, won't believe me, but in time they will from their own experiences, if "lucky", the result from it is that they will break away from the manipulator.

I can tell when he gets to a good place after the anxiety wears off him as well as all his defense mechanisms and taught ways, then he is able to connect to me, and wants nothing else, then he's different.

Thank you both so much Lightbeam and Lumaza.

I did not use to think there was something wrong with me but now as I have been hearing this again and again I start to wonder why somehow my facial expression is cut off from my inner emotions that I'm going through, at the time. In the past I've meditated a lot and been up to all sorts of things. I know it is a long shot but thought maybe something happened there. Foolish thought, I suppose.

In one way I think I'm overwhelmed, tired, or too practical about a situation.

The one who has told me this the most is someone who has (what I've learned) is called fearful attachment style where all needs were met except the emotional part, where as it is believed that my emotional needs were met during early childhood, that is secure attachment. What ever happened after that is another story.

Been work related situations where the group I was in endured something really bad one time. When the experts came in (psychiatrists) they got to me last as that was their judgement call that I was doing OK considering. Everyone else was being taken cared off as there were displays of their emotions, I suppose, still once I was up they already had the picture clear that I had been at the center of the whole (bad) thing, and the psychiatrists been told by the others that the others cared about me. I got that everyone else were doing really bad and it was my understanding as well to let everyone else get help before it was my turn, but still I knew I was not doing well myself, but again I guess nothing showed on the outside. They would tell me that nothing showed that I was not OK. I don't know what's up with my face.

The one I'm in a relationship with tells me it's his nightmare that I'm a reminder of his cold parents in one way but in another I'm not as he says he feels safe to show me his emotions as he knows I would never mock him or turn my back on him, walk out, or tell someone else about it, but still I'm not who he wants me to be in those types of situations.

It's always after things has calmed down where I feel that he can connect to me as me him, the time in between he's all out there, he takes up about 99,9%. I can listen to him for a long time and then when he asks me a question as I am about to answer it he answers it for me and then I realize it's not a question after all. He's not looking or ready for my perspective. It's no use. When I have tried in the past or I have been vulnerable to him he has not received that I am (as he is so worked up).

I'm told I make it worse because of my face (no display), but in another he says he thinks the way I am is a good thing as it somehow too makes him feel grounded.

Been told that usually it is people who both have something wrong with their attachment style that are attracted to one another, not the other way around. But too believed that in time the one with the wrong attachment style will find calm and safety with the partner who has the right attachment style. I find it more difficult to get what is wrong with me than to see what could be the matter with others, LOL.

I am told I am sensitive and have much empathy. I get effected by how my surrounding is doing and want to fix that if I can when something is wrong.

Maybe this is not the place for it and if so I apologize. I've been told that when things are too stressful that they can't tell my emotions. Any other time they can. On the inside I feel very strong feelings but for what ever the reason nothing shows on the outside. I've been told that it feels as if we're not connected anymore. From my perspective I feel everything what is going on on the outside with someone or with some people, how they are doing, but because my face does not show off any emotions they think I don't care or that I'm not stressed out. Am I the only one being like this? Why is there no connection to all the feelings I have on the inside to my outside? The only way I can describe it is that I put myself on a break because what ever is going on on the outside with someone else or other people is taking over, like I can't see another person or people being ready to take on my emotions. I've heard more than once complains about this, as if I come off as cold or that I don't care, when I am taking so much consideration to how that other individual is doing right then, but it's not easy, there's no room for me. If and when I have tried to get a word out I get shut down because the other one is still too much in their own heads and feelings and interrupt or take the few words I was able to get out and twist them or cut my sentence short to fit into a category, or even finishing the sentence for me, only that is not the rest of the sentence, message, I had in mind. Doesn't feel as if there is any use at that point to say or do anything. I'm wondering if there is something wrong with me.

When I or we've heard 3 knocks it's been in homes or office where there is some kind of grief or anxiety or tension at. From what I got my hands on it is "bad spirits" (I don't know what words I could use, sounds wrong but) mocking the trinity (God spirit and Jesus). One time it happened when I was talking to someone about something difficult (about an ex) but as quickly as the door was open no one was there. Before that I would have a different "real" dream where the ex was at and 3 candle lights that caught my attention as it was not much else there. As weird and crazy as it may sound later I discovered past life and the one I was then was involved in spirituality her own way and then it was no mocking but showing me what that path was. Now I don't know what to make of it but nice to read about everyone else's having experienced this, that I'm not alone.

Update: To my surprise the someone I was close to began to show more affection including sudden gifts of thoughtfulness and written words of how important I was to that someone and letting other people know that at the same time. This when I decided to continue behaving like normal, which is what I've done now, for weeks. In the past I've done two things : Distance myself or trying to compete/give even more of myself. Now instead I accepted their connection , relationship without a reaction to it that I showed off or changed my ways, attitude. I don't know if it is because of that or because that someone I know is sensitive and could still tell something?

Update It is working just fine. If, when I have thought if I felt him he's in a good place now and we let each other be, I guess. My focus is too on other aspects/areas of that past life, not him.

Tides makes some great points. Based on my experience and my observations of what others (family) have experienced, there is nothing wrong with being kind, and cutting people some slack when they behave selfishly or with a lack of sincerity. However, there should be limits. From what I have seen, a fair amount of people go through life "using" other people, and when the "need" is no longer there, they often disappear. When this type of individual causes stress to another, it will in turn lower their vibration which then lowers their spiritual progress. It is also bad for one's health and feeling of well-being. I am not ok with me giving away my energy to help others, when they in turn chronically act in a manner to lower mine and cause me sadness or stress. This is where I draw the line and set boundaries.

Some "friends" will drain the energy, knowledge, resources and advice out of you without ever returning the favor or without being there when you are in need. They will not even act neutrally, but instead become unavailable and disinterested. Now maybe it's their path to go through life indifferent to another's feelings, which can cause harm (intentionally or not), but I make sure it does NOT become my path by endlessly enduring such behavior. Boundaries go up and I move on. I have addressed some people regarding this cycle, but from experience, people really don't like when their insincere actions are exposed. They rarely change as well, so my lesson is to move on as soon as I realize this is a chronic problem.

In my opinion, friendship should be a mutual relationship, not one based on when it's convenient for one of the parties. If it is, it will be an ongoing stressor.

Yes, thank you so much, I couldn't agree with you more.

To Tidestodust

Thank you so much, yes, I agree, they wrong themselves first but don't realize they do and then wrong you and don't see that, but they must head that way in order to learn.

 If I was to think they way you do I think it would serve me good as in me keeping that good feeling to myself and keeping a healthy distance to what is going on.

I went through some bad stuff when still a kid. I've been told that was why I was then drawn to repeat the pattern of ending up with the same sort, lets say choice of partner, choice of friends, there was something there not solved or that these people were familiar to me, but me too having the pattern of giving much of myself and being "satisfied" with getting less in return or living on hope that one day I would. They were not all like that. All of them related to all the different parts of me.

I went away for some time and was not so much in contact with few people later in life and then when I returned  I could tell they all had the same energy level/personality traits (something I had never thought about before) and that something about me had changed while I was away and after a bad break up.

One of these"old people" (that I did not want to see again and didn't, an ex) from my old life had the same energy that one time got to be too much for me to handle and I remember how something just "clicked" in my head, like now I get it, now I've had enough, now I go. He was really over the top with that energy of his but the others (that played different roles in my life) were not too far behind. But because they weren't as bad as he was and a part of me had grown up having to accept it I did not react in a healthy way to start helping out myself.

I had never had that energy myself, been that type myself, so it was not that we were alike that did it, we "matched" which for me was bad news (and good news for him while it was) but I did not know it at the time, not so much, what was wrong. It was defects in both of us that made us "match".

Had he not been over the top, had he not been as bad as he was - and maybe most important - had I not been getting away from him when I did I don't know how it would have ended. The only way I think of is that it would be a bad ending, no matter. No escape from that. A good break up or something good that both can recognize afterwards just wasn't possible.

I've been told he was as bad as he was because he had not broken me yet, I was difficult for him to break, more so than he had thought. The others that he knew where he had them he did not show that side of or he would not show it like that. He would try to guilt trip me that in reality I deserved his bad ways but that he was actually the good guy about it and not giving me all the bad I deserved but that he was the way he was because I was plying hard to get which I wasn't, I was just not doing everything in the speed he wanted me to. I guess I could feel he did those things, offered those things for the wrong resons. But him trying to make me feel guilt always worked the first round and he expected it, but then when I thought about it I realized he was using manipulation and that it wasn't my fault .I should not feel guilt. And I wanted to talk what ever it was through so he could see he could trust me or we could solve it. But he never wanted to. I think he never wanted to because that worked to keep that fear, unspoken, and because he did not want to loose his power. When it was I thought about if he was scared to talk about it, to be that vulnerable, but I don't think it was. I surrendered that idea.

Long after the split I could tell through his language when ever he would manage to still get a message across that it was him using fear, or trying to guilt trip me, it was about him saying how much he loved me.

None of the words that he used was about if I loved him or about him wanting me to be happy. It wasn't about me following my free will, what I wanted out of life or what I wanted out of a relationship.

It was not even about if he cared that I loved him or not.

It was about what he felt, what he wanted. All about that.

I have thought if him being that way, his bad ways, turning out that way, was on a higher level meaning a sacrifice he made in spirit for what ever the reasons.

It's about balance as all things, reaching that balance in what ever situation there is, who ever you are dealing with or dealing with yourself. I am more aware today about balance than how it use to be, where as I was both pushed by some others too hard (when they shouldn't have and did for selfish reasons or because they were the same way) and pushed myself way too hard.

Gentle Regards



 

Hi Molly,

Your post reminds me of a close friend. She had people with addictive behaviors drawn to her. And I should know, we have addictive personality disorder in my family. 

All I can say is, welcome to the world of relationships. You are very astute in your observations. You are right, it takes two to tango.

Perhaps this is a time for you to recognize what you want out of a relationship, a time to practice boundaries and still share love.

If we try to make others fit the expectation we have, we will find disappointment. If we feel our kindness is being taken advantage of, then we have a lesson to learn.

Reading your post, I have full confidence you will find the right course of action and feel in control of your life. Don't be discouraged, it can be a very lonely world out there in the land of relationships. I've seen it in others and have experienced it my self.

It can seem very cruel when there is so much love and suddenly cold shoulders. You just have to remind yourself. What kind of person do you want to be? How do you wish to give love? How do you wish to experience love? They're important questions to ask.

I don't mean any disrespect when I say this, chances are you may encounter this pattern again. More important than anything is the fact that you're here sharing you've noticed something... Awareness is key.

This is a huge step in the right direction.

I sympathize with my friend... But I think of all the crap she's endured, and I see how proud she is now in her 40's to be the woman she is today. Does she still struggle? Yes... Does she still face similar hardships? Yes... But she has come a long way, and I believe she wouldn't trade any of that for anything.

There's a light at the end of the tunnel. Your Awareness is guiding you even now.

Gentle regards...

Thank  you so much, Tides2dust, I've been thinking these days about your post and the issue I'm having, but as for now I stand where I stand and hopefully in the future I've come a longer way than I have right now. What I can say is that I don't let it get to me the same way as I can see that these two are drawn to one another for the reasons they are and they need that "mirror" looking back at them or they think they do. I think lots of us can stagnate in a process because the feelings are too strong and can even make you sick. They have not moved forward yet and proberbly don't think they have to.

I do think I see the beauty too in them, and I do think I do have stuff in common with them, but then there are stuff that differentiate us that I suppose they have more in common, especially now, good or bad.
What I always see happen then too is that when they go in that direction their ego is this wall against the world, but as much as there is this wall, this confidence, the esteem is something else, to me it reminds me of the confidence, right or wrong, works as this so called parent, protector, to the little one, the esteem, but the problem with it is that the parent is at the end of the day not going a good job regardless, it's just postponing, it may as for now be flying the plane (not being a good enough pilot, but thinking or pretending it is) and gonna make it so the plane is gonna crash sooner or later and the little one is going to experience that crash no matter, the hardest.

In my past it took a toll on me I've sworn to myself is not going to happen again and I take it less personal (although I know it is personal, it's nothing but personal) than how I use to (so far) so even it it is a painful reminder it don't hurt the same way. I don't think it is all because we're not that close, more that my perspective of what's going on is different and I feel more protected because of it. Because me watching them in action I watch what happened in my past the same new way.

Gentle regards

I've always wondered about this and felt hurt about it, been puzzled, and maybe someone on here knows what I'm talking about?

There has been few people in my life that turned out the same way with me and now there is two new of them but I'm not close to them like that so it does not hurt me the same way. But I see the same behavior in them. And it makes me sort of stand by. It makes me think about what happened with the few others in my past. Wakes that up.

The few I'm referring to would change their behavior towards me at the same time as they were drawn, to the company of certain others, and at the same time as I began to suspect they had some mental problem, that they not always wanted to let know they had. Instead of "holding tight" on to me, that they knew was there for them in their hour of need, they preferred the company of these other people (who ever they were). I could tell they were the important ones to them. They loved them. They had a bond with them. I was nobody. I was only somebody when they needed help and then off they went again doing their usual business. I was rejected. Could be they would make a small effort to pretend as if they didn't, but they did and it shone through.

Then, funny thing is, if and once they changed back to who they use to be (when first around me) they were then interested to rebuilt the relationship. Then suddenly they were drawn to me, they had such love for me. Suddenly I was to them what the others used to be. And it was too as if they wanted to pretend as if all of that was OK, could be fixed.

I went through this, I don't know how many times, with someone throughout my life, til that someone died. That someone had been an addict too (brought that someone into rehab more than once, only for it to fail, went with that someone to all the doctor's appointments, moved back to live with that someone to try to steer things up and be a support, more than once), and I could tell the love, the bond, that someone had with few other people, that too had mental issues and too were in one way or the other addicted to something. I was out of the picture. That someone did not even see me, like see me, for real. But saw the others.

I feel as if I am always rejected first, go on "stand by" and can't do anything except watch it happen before my eyes.

I've been told stories that make you think that once people who have mental issues and/or am addictive to something the others reject them first, but with me it is that I've always been rejected.

One of the things I can see two of them (two people that are no longer part of my life as I finally was the one to reject them) did was that they could never have enough. They were always in such a rush, always had so much going on, needed many people in their lives and many activities. If and when I began question what was going on and why all this and where is that someone going with it, it wasn't appreciated. I've thought about it and what I have come up with is that I think they were running from something and for what ever the reason they were not drawn to me anymore. It puzzled me because I could not see that I had changed in any way. I was still the same. It was just that suddenly I was of little or no interest to them. It was never about them not having the time for me, they did have time just like everyone else, but they were not interested. Then later on in life they had changed their minds again and wanted to continue the relationship, but I didn't.

To me it make no sense why someone would chose to reject the people that are there for you (because let's face it unless you are very lucky in your life most people have only down to few or one or maybe even zero people to rely on when it's bad weather), when to me it is actually then they should cling to you to get back on track. Instead they throw the love they use to have for you and give it to someone else.

I've tried all sorts of things in the past and none of them worked. One was that I would, despite being rejected, still be the same. One other was that I would go overboard and show more love. The other was that I would stand by. And another that I distanced myself. The last was that I went away. Funny thing is that they barely noticed I was no longer there and only found that out when they tried to reach out to me again. It takes two to tango and now it is happening again (but not that I take it that personally, they are not that important to me).

My first instinct tells me to distance myself because what ever they need they find that with one another, they don't find it with me where I'm at. They come to me if they need help with something, but that's it.

It is as if we used to be on the same floor but then they go up and down that elevator. I've come to the conclusion that it don't matter what I say or do, they are still going to do that.

Use what you said above as the last thing you mentally think about while falling asleep. Intent is a powerful thing!

Thank you Lumaza, I hope I am able to do that. Past life memory can Come to surface, triggered by the smallest thing, as much as I would be told or told myself its all in my head, there has always been a part of me that "just knows". I know from before when I am on the right track researching more will Come to me before it wears off.

I have done the opposite of an important decision about that someone this time around. I know I was thinking about it then too. There is proof too of that, to my surprise.

The last time I felt him he was contempt in life where he was then and the old bond made of something was then finally changing and going away. There are some unpleasant things that happened to him during the past life effecting him and I do not want that stirred up.

Well Molly, you are in the sweet zone. Though you may not remember much of what is said during these dreams. Have no doubt you are absorbing information at a great rate. It'll be there when you need it and {mostly} when you least expect it.

Yes, it sure feels like it. I feel so at peace during the days after, as if nothing can upset me, dont care if people are in a bad mood and try to bring me down. Instead Im wishing them a good day and hope their bad mood will pass soon. Me tryong to help them and turn their mood around. I do not know what it is, but what ever it is its Nice. Thank you

Hi Molly and welcome to the Astral Pulse!

 Instead of asking yourself why she is in your Dreams, the next time you see her ask "her" why she is in your Dreams. It is a different way of thinking, but she would have the answer you are looking for!

Thank you Lumaza, happy to be here. I sure will try to remember that next time, curious of what the answer will be. 

This is funny I think and I am wondering if anyone else dream the same as I do. I often dream I am seeing elderly women and talking to them and hours go by like this in the dreams and it is just a Nice feeling, like they could be my grandmother. Just last night I had one of those dreams, an elderly woman living alone and I came to visit and we were talking of all kinds of stuff, we were mostly in her kitchen.

Not sure where to put this. Is there a way not to connect to someone I use to know irl in dreams? I wish to explore a past life. That someone was in it. I do not know if it is modern dreams where that someone is wanting to let me know that (that someone knowing about that past life himself) or my own fragments from the past life.

I ask too because in the past I discovered another past life, researching and simultanously someone else I know were having these past life experiences and I do not know if that was because of me and our connection.

In the life I wish to explore now there is I am almost sure of it that person too in it but I do not think if I happen to wake something up that it Will be bad. But I am afraid if it would work the same way it Will be wrong. Plus in such scenario that person is in my life and we are close sp I trust then I Will see a differens and if bad not go further.

Can I somehow close myself off and still remember without effecting someone else?

Sorry I Come off as crazy, lol. Any thoughts are greatly appreciated.