i want to die...Really!

[Taalnar]

quote:ok, so as u saw in the topic, i kinda wanna die...i mean, im NOT like 'oh, my life sux, i just wanna kill myself and get it over with...' im more like 'omg, this is sooo fricken lame! i got a body that is soo fragile, too many responsibilities, too much limitation, and this is a waste of time....im sure i learned all i need to know, so im ready to die now!!! im done with my life, sumone else can have it now!!'
is there sumthin wrong with this, or do u agree???

I think I know exactly what you mean. I agree with you since that is how I feel myself for a very long time.  Its not about being sad or anything with your lot in life or wanting to commit suicide or even wanting any sympathy or pity. Its just that everything is meaningless.  You are born, you live, you die.  Why not get it over with?

Everything you do means nothing.  You go out and have a good time, what is the point to that?  You eat five star meals (enjoy life), what is the point in that? You study, yet when you die you will be a corpse, they know nothing.  You work hard, make ends meet, yet in the end what was it all for? It is all a waste of time what is there to gain?

Smiley, you are Christian?  You should read Ecclesiastes in the Old Testament, written by Solomon.  He was known for his wisdom and being wise, yet in the end he asked these questions also.  I say this for those who would roll there eyes at the crux of this thread.  We fill our lives with all these things trying to find meaning and yet in the end, what are they all worth?

Anyway, I'm not sure is that the way you feel?

[Kerrblur]

haha this thread is f*cking hillarious, OK first off, beavis's comment with the grenad in the mouth trick is hillarious i couldnt stop laughing, good advice BTW.

Second, a person like you smilely, who'v i've talked to before, HAS NOT learned every thing in fact you have barely steped into the knowledge pool, and  your under the age of 18 still, have years of learning still.  and the thought of you say you want out of this 'prison' makes me laugh, my GUESS whioch is only a educated guess is that you havent even AP before?   maybe the RTZ, but have you activel;y been out and about in the planes, if you have, you would listened to some of the people in here, your body isnt a prison, its a tool. if you have, you wouldnt be saying this mumbo jumbo, im not yelling at you, but I just dont believe a person who 'knows enough' would even say something like they wish to die because they'd except it when it happens, and enjoy the life here, because if you havnt noticed, we were evolved to live on this plane untill mankind learns(just like us individual learn by reincarnation) to live out our tool as we were suppose too.  Not by wanting to die, and then having fun in the higher dimentions, youll be booted out soo quickly and born again you wouldnt even know what happened.  So basicly, im tired and not explaining very well, untill 'mankind' evolves all together, enjoy the life here, and obide by the law that was given to you, which is learn, learn, learn.

But the grenade in the mouth thing is still funny

[cristina8675309]

i'm still really pretty new here, and don't know any of you.  however, i am dismayed by many of your inputs.  i can relate to the original post - at times i've felt i've "learned enough, i don't want to learn anymore or perhaps spend anymore time...i've learned enough this go 'round."  but that passes for me.  i don't believe that in talking down to the original person posting, anyone will provide anything useful.  

choice, action, inaction, experience, dullardness, all things we face daily, hourly.  some of us are not "given" the ability to "see" as clearly as others, or perhaps to interpret or intuit as well as others.  I would hesitate in making a blanket statement that just because one is a teen means they haven't learned enough.  Obviously, through the rate of childhood and adolescent mortality there are those few who have filled their purpose here and have gone back to report, study, learn more and plan further progression.  however, as a GENERAL GUIDE...there is so much complexity to this state that it would be difficult to conceive of an adolescent having learned all he/she came here to learn.  

i would never advocate suicide.  pls don't get me wrong.  i feel it is a COSMIC error ... i feel there is too much planning in the physical realm for someone to accidentally stay longer than they are supposed to.  

and even if we come to a point where we learn very much, we've not gotten to the part about, if we believe in carnations, karmic debt (positive and negative).  and we only briefly mentioned the idea of (pls forgive the spelling) the boddisatthva personage who remains to help, teach, focus, guide, protect, and encourage others.  perhaps as an adolescent you have learned all you can - i think you'd be extremely rare - but stranger things have happened - and perhaps you can then use your time to help those of us who are older and don't learn as quickly.  

personally, i don't think suicide is an appropriate answer.  i've heard it termed a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  and in that i agree.  i think speaking with one's guides, mentors, angels if you will, meditating on it would give you the answer you need.  if you have learned all you need to learn, perhaps there is another focus to the second unfolding of your physicality now and you can be guided to it--then you wouldn't feel frustration, boredom, uselessness, "stuck"...etc.

but i'm new, not very intuitive, and only wish you peace of soul.
cristina

[Lighthouse]

SmileySpirit,

This is just a hunch... but if you enjoy reading, pick up a copy of the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Songyal Rinpoche (that spelling may be incorrect) It is a classic and also a more contemporary version of the Tibetan Book of the Dead.  I think you will glean some very useful insights into yourself and the art of Fully Living from it.  

Additionally... Until you're about 25ish, life REALLY SUCKS!!!!  After that, it just sucks slightly less because you do not have to answer to anyone but yourself but you still go through lots of sh*t... Then you die []

Seriously, it is all a great learning process and it is my belief that we have all chosen for some INSANE reason to incarnate.  I'm with you on the envying people who have passed... but I also know we all have great gifts to share and until we all are fully awakened, we all have to go through the same crap.  The best you can do is live your life to its fullest while you're here and by doing that, you will decrease the amount of time until there is no more time (if that makes sense.)  That is the ultimate goal.. not to have to incarnate anymore and have a fully awakened consciousness... when we no longer have to learn the lessons of the body.

Kerri

[Kazbadan]

Some great reasons for you to do not kill yourself:
- make sex
- make more sex
- make even more sex
well, there are some other nice things of coarse, like learning in real time mode the kama sutra, make sex in group (with lots of hooot womans!!![]), etc.

SO, what are you waiting for?


BEAVIS: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOLL!!!
i haven´t read your post before my first one

[Lighthouse]

quote:Originally posted by Kazbadan

Some great reasons for you to do not kill yourself:
- make sex
- make more sex
- make even more sex
...

(with lots of hooot womans!!![]), etc.

SO, what are you waiting for?

That is being pretty presumptuous about a persons sexual orientation don't you think???

In Smiley Spirit's Bio, she has that she is a HOT WOMAN []

Kerri

[Kazbadan]

Smyley Spirit an hot woman? Hmmmm....interesting.....where do you live?! Email me! I must to speak with you about some "interesting matters".....[]

[SmileySpirit14]

i never said i was a hot women!...the only person whos seen me on this site is soden62 and pyro4571.....(sorry if yall didnt want me to say any names!)

btw, im not a full-grown women[]

[Kerrblur]

haha smilely your a genius! haha man, i live in kalamazoo michigan lol haha.  the tantra! YES

[SmileySpirit14]

What??

[WalkerInTheWoods]

I never really enjoyed life until I surrendered to it and started going with the flow of life instead of resisting it.

quote:P.S. I wonder who the teacher is here?

We are all both teachers and students.

[coben]

SmileySpirit

I don't think feeling like you want to die means you are not advanced, or are messed up in some way, or deserve condescending advice which implies that the person giving you advice has gotten past this stage.

I mean life is hard and painful, at the very least, sometimes.

When I read your first post it sounds disappointed, somehow, maybe angry, that life isn't quite what you wish it was.  Maybe like that promise (that many of us feel) hasn't really been fulfilled.  If you are ticked off in that way - and I get that feeling sometimes - it can be good to acknowledge, even express it.  Otherwise the anger can turn inward and lead to depression and in the harshest cases, suicide.

I also don't think you should decide to live because it would hurt other people.  That is guilt.  And a choice based on guilt, well it just leads to anger and more disappointment.  If I were your friend I wouldn't want you to stay alive for me.  I would want you to stay alive because you wanted to live.  Selfish (and this is not a negative word) reasons to live are the ones that matter.  

Are you angry at God?  (and even if you don't believe in God you can be ticked off at God)

What seems hopeless?

What do you really wish you could do? have? create? meet?

And I mean, aren't you afraid to die?

If it really is your choice to die that I agree with beavis - in fact I like a lot of what he said - that's your choice.

I also wanted to say that at one point in my life, after I had felt like not living for a while, I realized that there was self-love in this feeling.  I wanted the emotional pain to stop.  I wanted to stop suffering.  And I couldn't imagine how this suffering would stop otherwise.  It was a relief on some level to see that my urge to end my pain by suicide was at root ALSO self-love.  I was desperately trying to find some way to help myself, even such a drastic step.

[Kazbadan]

Smyley, how old are you?!You are a woman aren´t you?! Well, if your age it is between, let´s say, 20 and 25, please, come here to Portugal....there are some "matters" that i have to treat with you []!

(me, trying to "get something" with her?......noooooo!)

[cristina8675309]

coben:  some interesting ideas to think on.  however, i think you're coloring self-pity with the colors of self-love and i don't think we should attempt that.  perhaps i'm off here, and to be real, who really LIKES pain (i can just HEAR some of the responses to that one); however, pity and sadness for pain and wanting it to stop are not self-love - they're physical and mental and emotional reactions to the struggles of life that you mentioned. To me, an example of Self love would be seeking a way to find a PRODUCTIVE end to that pain...not a grenade in the mouth and not a way out...that's taking the easy way out...and who EVER said life was easy and wasn't lying never existed.  and having an idea of a plan (to your life's unfolding) that you can't see the beginning or end of because you're in the very middle of some AWESOME struggle (and personally, i believe also because while we wear the clay we CAN'T see it all...in it's totality)is not love - it's the survival urge to find a way to make it stop, or it's the spoiled little child urge to say "this isn't fair and it shouldn't happen to me" -- which is what we all go through from time to time...unless we're really up there advanced.  you're correct about guilting someone into a decision, that's never correct.  but neither is idly standing by and doing nothing.  someone who has been in email contact with me recently, and i respect his opinion highly thus far, has used the idea that when we help others we are only helping the Self.  The part of the tao about being inactive doesn't mean being passive and letting everyone around you run amok. it's about being "inactive in your head - meditation, focus, thought, clarity...to open up to activity. be strong and unmovable in your convictions-not thrown around by changing fad"  and to borrow from the ...gita, ACT, but do not accept the fruit of your actions.  As I said before, querying those who are teachers, guides, mentors, angels, whatever and then weighing it out is the best course, I feel.  And I hardly feel beavis' comments of grenades and knives being efficient are helpful...sense of humor intended or not.  i stand by my position that NO ONE IS LEFT HERE ACCIDENTALLY TOO LONG.  They don't shuck ya here and forget ya.  Finding a purpose for all that knowledge is a key ingredient.  Being helpful is always good, but helpfully handing over the water bottle full of dissolved sleeping pills in a manner couched as "I'm not guilting you into a choice" is not what i would call Self-love, nor helpful.  But that's my limited perspective.  None of this is pointless, nor meaningless.  One gains wisdom through experience.  The human body is the perfect medium...that we're aware of... for gaining experience and the resultant consequences (no one can dodge the consequences of their choices)...leading to wisdom.

but of all things, i still wish you peace of heart, soul, and spirit.

[SmileySpirit14]

cristina, im not 100% sure what u mean about pain and stuff. i get it, but im not sure if u mean physical or emotional. physically, i cause myself a lot of pain for seld discipline and i got scars to prove it. anyway, what u said about i shouldnt try to take the 'easy way out'...well is there a way to leave thats not the easy way out?

and btw, what the hell do you want with me Kazbadan???

[beavis]

what u said about i shouldnt try to take the 'easy way out'...well is there a way to leave thats not the easy way out?

I like how u said that. They dont care if its easy or hard. They only care which choice you make.


Kazbadan wants you to polish his knob [xx(]

[Nay]

Oh..I was hoping you didn't go there Beavis...and what did you do?   You WENT there!  and now I have to pretend that I'm not laughing my arse off...

Nay []

[coben]

Christina,
to me you jump to fast to fixing the problem.  This person feels bad.  You want them to be productive, make plans, etc, avoid what you call self-pity.  But that pressure to go from the hard feelings to be productive is generally a lack of acceptance for the feelings.  The first thing feelings want is to know that they are OK, then if possible that they are in response to something real.  I want to know that my feelings 'fit' in some way, even if I am drawing false conclusions from them.

If I am suffering about a loss, I don't want people to tell me I should be productive, I should try to find a new girlfriend, start planning to find a new job, whatever.  What seems like helpful advice is really a pressure to move out of the feelings and into action.

I don't think you realize how much judgement can hide in that seemingly innocent word 'productive'.

If your reaction is to feel like the other person is stuck in their self-pity, sure I can understand getting ticked (which can also be loving) and urging them to get on with it.  But I think in general there is a lot of fear about the so called 'negative' emotions adn people are prodded in general to get out of their emotions faster than is healthy - and this latter by many new age philosophies, which, if you really feel them, often judge emotions quite heavily.

I said ALSO self-love, by the way.  I think there were other processes involved when I felt like ending my life.  But there was a central gem in the middle.

I missed beavis's post about grenades and I still haven't read it so I won't comment.  What I liked about his posts was his real willingness to allow another being their freedom and the way he smelled the pomposity and condescension in some of the other replies here.

I think the way you view certain reactions as a 'spoiled little child' may show your own judgements of perfectly natural reactions to how hard life is, how it does not match the promise some of us feel was made, and what is actually possible for life on earth.  I think on some level you have taken for granted that life has to be like this and therefore the best strategy is to transcend the natural reactions that tell us this is not right.  However if the world could be a much better place, transcending those emotions and jumping to be productive before having found the deep truths in those reactions to reality as it is now can slow down the process of evolution towards a world we would not suffer in so deeply.

That of course is your choice.  I am not sure if it is Smiley Spirit's.

It certainly is not mine.

[cristina8675309]

coben:  hi.  i feel that i didn't properly explain "being productive".  analyzing the feelings is being productive.  wallowing in them is one aspect of "being productive", but it seems to me that it tends to breed an aspect of ones' Self that calls to others who would use that against your Self.  So I'm sorry if my use of "being productive" came off as negating feelings.  Feelings are essential, they can bring incomparable insights if allowed.  "Being productive" is also meditating on a situation, asking for insight, and of course, struggling with those emotions.  I know the feelings of not feeling at a certain time that "this" is not what I bargained for and I don't want it.  I, too, have had horrible things happen in my life - and I've had to go through all the emotions of them, and for me the hardest part is putting some faith into the idea that "at some point I will come to understand that all this happened at its correct time for a correct reason."  I wasn't intending to imply that one negate one's feelings.  If that is how it came across, for that I apologize.  

However, Smiley said she didn't feel bad.  She wanted to enjoy the next phase.  And I can also relate to that, too.  Who hasn't wanted to participate in a "society" that is fair, beautfil, hopeful, endlessly awash in approval and growth opportunities?  That WOULD be ideal.  But a great portion of that can come in the here and now as well.

And mourning, grief, etc. (your reference to feeling bad or negative emotions) are natural and a process and part of a process.  I just hoped to be able to show a difference between self-pity (the reference to the "spoiled little child response of it's not fair"--meaning a reaction to not being able to see the entire picture and wanting the "frame to change" through no action on our part to change it.  And production in that case may be as simple as recognizing the feelings and meditating on them.  If one has a Christan bend, the verse "Be still, and know that I Am" is deeply more than just "stop worrying and let me handle it."  Being still is being productive.

And I believe that as long as we're not harming animals, children, or the otherwise defenseless we are free to make our own choices.  We, actually are free to harm those I mentioned, but I don't believe it would be a wise choice. So ... if we got off on a wrong foot, again I will offer my apologies.  I only wished that the idea of "productive" could be seen as "being still" and contemplating.

Life IS hard.  I agree with you, and we all, I guess, have times when we feel it's not what we wanted.  Perhaps I DO take for granted that it will be hard...i feel it's part and parcel.  We have tough things to make us grow.  And distance from them that only comes with time can perhaps clear out the "what really happened" and the natural emotions that came with them and allow a time and a place for "productive reflection" on how we grew from that experience.

"If I am suffering about a loss, I don't want people to tell me I should be productive, I should try to find a new girlfriend, start planning to find a new job, whatever. What seems like helpful advice is really a pressure to move out of the feelings and into action."  Here I agree with you...but that's a different "productive" than I meant.


However, I only wish for her and for all peace, growth, prosperity in understanding, and joy.  But I've gone on long enough.  Thank you for challenging me.  Smiley, there are easy ways out, but i don't want to talk about them.  Beavis has a great gift for handing that advice out.

[Kazbadan]

quote:Originally posted by beavis


Kazbadan wants you to polish his knob [xx(]

looooooooool!!!![][]

Beavis you are insane!! looool!

Smiley: i was just kiding with you! I was pretending that you interested me in some way, trying to have some fun, because fun and good humour are spicery very important to life!

Sorry if i shocked you on any way.

[galacticsurfer]

Direct advice

Suffering is the fun of life, otherwise it would be boring. Get a challenge or a hobby or a change of scenery. Get out of your rut.

Sociology lesson

Suicide rates are generaly high in countries where the welfare state is most complete in taking care of us. Do poor Africans in aids ridden countries with civil wars get depressed and kill themselves? Actually maybe I am wrong there but I have read that more and more teenagers due to the increasing confusion due to too many choices and deterioration of family life, moral traditions, etc. take their lives. In traditional cultures this was not the case as people had fear of hurting a larger family clan and of consequences in the after life. all these barriers have now been eliminated and sometimes nowadays people in big cities in our industrial world have no beliefs and no friends or family so that whatever they do is their decision and nobody could care less.  


Philosophy course

You are who you are and were never anybody else for all eternity and all this is just an illusion, so just play like you are in "the matrix" and realize the illusion and then you can free yourself from the boredom of the routine(which is really just an internal numbness due to a  lack of awareness of the beauty of every moment) and find purpose in the reality that everything only exists in your mind for you as a dream. Create your own reality. Play with your consciousness. Then you will feel a freedom from the prison of the routine of your self imposed mental habits. There is no place better than this earth. The astral plane and heaven are just further illusions where the soul invents new games like in a computer game to keep itself occupied but the basics stay the same. To quote John Lennon "Love is the answer and I know that for sure".


Buddhist type Quote from an e-book I posted on the forums (Mindfulness)which seems really deep and appropriate-

One who has clear and direct vision, stirred to a sense of urgency (samvega) by things which are deeply moving, will experience a release of energy and courage enabling him to break through his timid hesitations and his rigid routine of life and thought. If that sense of urgency is kept alive, it will bestow the earnestness and persistence required for the work of liberation.
Thus said the teachers of old:
"This very world here is our field of action.
It harbors the unfoldment of the holy path,
And many things to break complacency,
Be stirred by things which may well move the heart,
And being stirred, strive wisely and fight on!"
Our closest surroundings are full of stirring things. If we generally do not perceive them as such, that is because habit has made our vision dull and our heart insensitive.

[cristina8675309]

oh galatic!  beautiful!  so very many nails on the head, so to speak.[:X] big kiss for clarity of message!!!!!  woohoo!

[wendi]

Though here at journey's end I lie
In darkness buried deep,
Beyond all towers strong and high,
Beyond all mountains steep,
Above all shadows rides the Sun
And stars forever dwell:
I will not say the Day is done,
Nor bid the Stars farewell.

Blessed Be and Bright Blessings

[eeb]

That´s a beautifull poem, Wendi. Is it yours?

[Reality]

WOOOOW oh my goodness, what a silly post this(previously) was, [:O] The pain of ignorance, please forgive me hehehe []

Take care
Reality