How do I lose the hate?

[knucklebrain1970]

Ok, I've made leaps and bounds over the past year. I basically stopped hating the world and people in general. I don't get mad in traffic and road rage anymore and I don't worry about money. I've realized that all the s**t that I own is meaningless and ego based and that physical items do not make you happy. I've learned how evil ego can be. I now pass my days one by one, instead of living in the future. I've essentially never lived a day in my life. I can't remember a single birthday of my life really. Why? Because I never lived. I was never aware or awake. That has all changed and I feel much better psychologically. However with the energy work, it's going slow. The meditation, although it makes me feel good, does not yet provide the results I'd like.

Here's my problem though. It's the system and my job and the corporate greed filled rat skum environment. The pigs that own the companies I work for. The people that never shut down business, having people risk their life traveling in blizzard conditions to get to work. The pigs that make people work New Years Eve Day and New Years Day.

"Must push lasers out the door, no matter what"

This irritates me to no end. I'm not even the one that had to work New Years Eve, or day. It's the poor factory workers. I got it easy, well somewhat. I just can't stand it anymore. I hate my job. I'm an Oracle Database Administrator. I literally do nothing for 9 hours a day. Plus the 2 hour commute to get to the miserable place. I wake up in misery daily and it's draining me. I've almost perfected my thought process on life to an extent. This is the missing link and it's draining the life out of me. I can't stand to sit in a chair for 9 hours a day and 2 hours in the car anymore. Suicide is a common thought, although I would not do that to my wife and child (8 yo daughter, who doesn't live with us, but my X).
I just can't imagine another 30 years like this. I'd rather be dead. I just plain hate work. I can't stand working for these greedy pigs. Why a 40 hour work week? Ha? What would be wrong with 30 hours? What makes these pigs tick? I try so hard not to hate my job and the executive pigs. It's draining me and I have no way out. I've screwed my wife and I financially by being a greedy jerk, making poor decisions money-wise, credit card debt, you name it. All in the name of trying to fill the hole. A hole that I've finally realized can not be filled with external things. Happiness is internal. I know that now, but now it's too late. What should I do? I'm at a crossroads. I'd like to file Chapter 11 and just throw in the towel and start over simple. Work at a gas station, pumping gas 4 days a week. Seriously. I can't take the corporate environment anymore. This is hindering my spiritual progress. What do you suggest I do? This is not a sob story, I wish not to receive sympathy. I'm just desperate for a solution. I can't spend another 30 years like this. I'd rather be dead, seriously.

Thanks in advance for any insight, guidance.

Kevin

[-lines-]

Nobody's saying that you need to work 40 hour weeks, nobody says that you have to show up for work, and nobody says that you even need to have a job. Decide what you want, what you need, what you're budget requires, and work hours that will allow you to make enough money to keep out of the hole. Just because you may have worked 40 hour weeks for years, doesn't mean you need to continue to do so. If you have other people relying on you for the necessities of life, then that needs to be factored in and the pro's and con's should be weighed out accordingly.

Simplest solution is to quite your bloody job if you hate it that much. Try to find another before you quit, in a different carreer if you just want to get out of what you have been doing in particular. Nothing's going to change for you unless you change it yourself.

Good luck,
c

[knucklebrain1970]

Well, unless I make 70k, the house is gone, and the IRS comes and puts me in jail for non payment of child support. Of course the child support gets reduced if I make less, but I'm about a paycheck away from losing everything. I could care less, but my wife works hard as well and it's sort of not fair for her. I don't know what to do. It's sort of my wife holding me back somewhat as she wants to keep the house. I want to get rid of it and live in a shack with dirt floors and own nothing but my 1 bicycle and 1 classical guitar.
I've had it with stuff. I look at all the crap I own and it makes me ill. 2 27" flat screen TV's, a widescreen TV, 5 mountain bikes, 6 banjos, 4 guitars, 2 laptops, 3 pc's networked, a server. I look at all this stuff, although not much compared to some people, but it makes me sick, knowing that I created this mess, based on greed. I wish I woke up 10 years ago  

[Dusty]

Well, although i'm not in that field, hopefully, you can still embrace what you have . I have  many friends who are in the Information Technology area and who've been out of work for 2 years because jobs are so hard to come by in that area you are in. Most of them had to take HUGE paycuts and had to sell their homes because they say that most of their jobs are moving overseas...

Anyway, I guess that's besides the point, but I can understand where you are coming from, although my IT  friends would probably want to strangle if you they read your comments  

best of luck to ya and hopefully you can find what you REALLY want to do in life... I know it's tough sometimes to know what type of career would really make you happy. I've went through that many times.

Dusty

[-lines-]

Well, you need to figure out what you need to do. People who aren't in your shoes can only generalize about the options that you may or may not have. But if you want to change how you live, find a way to do it that will be a fair compromise between what you desire and what your reposibilities are that you need to keep.

If you don't need all the material goods in your house, sell some stuff, get yourself less dependent on the material goods. I'd assume that you'd discuss this with your wife before making a drastic change.

That's all the general stuff I can come up with right now, maybe more later.

[CaCoDeMoN]

I think that you should not complain having such financial situation. You are very lucky living in USA, having a great job and no financial problems. You should know that in other countries like Poland it's nearly impossible to find any job. My mother has a good job, but we frequently even don't have money to buy food...

[Telos]

knucklebrain, I'm just a 21-year-old college brat, and I am not as personally familiar with the corporate grind as you are, and I do not have a wife and child, but I feel as if I have faced similar dilemmas. I hope I can offer what my short life experiences have offered me.

I have been eager to drop out of the "college grind" (which is just a boot camp filtering process for the corporate grind) and starting over poor, pure, and spiritual. Death never ever once bothered me... except in the way that it was not coming fast enough. I distanced myself emotionally from my family, friends, and girlfriend of 3 years, trying to cleanse myself of their "spiritual ignorance" and to achieve purer states.

My first and only night at a homeless shelter very quickly changed my thinking process.

Unfortunately, it was too late for some things. My gf had already left me, I had already failed over 6 courses in school, and I had already lost a whole lot of other opportunities. Sure, I gained some learning experience, but at a great and tragic cost.

If you throw everything away and start over, you will only realize how much you love everyone and everything that is currently in your life, including your job. At your place of work, I am sure that there are opportunities you do not see because you've unknowingly blanketed them with distaste. I am also sure that your place of work will become much more satisfying if you choose to see it as your method of supporting your daughter, your wife, and whomever you choose to love. If you do not like your current work environment, another will be offered to you, if you choose to accept it.

This book may look corny at first, but I highly recommend you read it and consider its claims. It is not so much of a "get rich" book as it is an orientation of mind (a mindset that will help you "cope" with being rich).

http://wikisource.org/wiki/The_Science_of_Getting_Rich

Good luck.

[Edit: Oh, and my father is right now studying Oracle DB administration, so I know you have no small job.]

[Cheyyne]

If you didn't have dependents, this would be much easier. Choice is the key here... I remember one day, about a year ago, when a friend of mine came home for a visit. This friend had been with me through some of high school, then had to unfortunately move to Nebraska. He is an EXCEPTIONALLY smart person, and was raised very spiritually. He had just been to a seminar that had changed his life, he said.

We talked about his seminar for a few hours at a coffee house. The basic gist that I picked up (though I must not have realized the entire concept as well as he, since he was so pumped up) was that no matter what happens in life, we have choice. So what, is what I said. So what if we have choice? I know that.

It turned out that I really didn't realize exactly what that entails. The way I got to understand was to make a very important distinction... The distinction between choice and decision. A decision is when you have many options, and you knock them down, one by one, until an acceptable one is left, then you take that course of action. However, choice is different. If instead of deciding a course of action, you choose a course of action, your choice does not have to meet the prerequisites that it would if you decided. It delegates the responsibility of your choice from your logical mind that is entirely wrapped up in the material world to your inner intuitive mind, perhaps even your subconscious mind. Choosing is freedom, while decision is bondage. This is what I got from him, anyway. It makes sense to me.

And while I didn't spend a weekend learning this, it really did make me feel better. In your situation, living by decision leaves pretty much only one option, and that's to keep your job, misery and all. However, you could choose any number of other options. If you're saying to yourself, "My problems are still the same, just changing semantics isn't helping anything," then I don't think you've got the picture yet. Contemplate it during the time when you're supposed to be working.

Anyhow, it's a difficult situation, but unfortunately the one most appropriate for an awakening. It's just the nature of the world.

I think that you should not complain having such financial situation. You are very lucky living in USA, having a great job and no financial problems. You should know that in other countries like Poland it's nearly impossible to find any job. My mother has a good job, but we frequently even don't have money to buy food...

We Americans know how lucky we are. Our poverty line is about middle class or higher for almost every other country in the world. But our judgement and lives are lived on our scale, not the scale of Poland, and that's just the way it is. When you don't have to worry about food, shelter, & the essentials, it leaves you free for higher pursuits. But we're also brainwashed by our culture into being spiritually bankrupt, so it's not all about fast cars and huge TV sets.

[darkheaven]

the workers like you chose to work new year eves...

think about that, don't think that u don't have an option that if you would quit you would be a looser or whatever...you can quite anytime you want and find something 2 do to get some money 2 eat, drink, take a bath...

we make are lives hard...yeah...stupid us...

i make my life hard, like all of us...we want 2 much outside but i guess that inside we don't want not even a small piece of dirt

oh...and if your wife wants to keep the house and u have 2 work for it do it cause u love her and if u don't quit everything and live your life as simple as your heart wants

btw don't listen my stupid advice, u shall know if u don't know already what 2 do, the thing is if u'll chose 2 do it or not



cacodemon: i know life aroun here ain't easy but...the USA ain't the land of honey and milk...i live a lil (or more) souther then u and believe me...the overall excrement is way bigger

[knucklebrain1970]

I don't understand a thing you said Cheyyne. I don't mean to offend you. I just don't get it. I've read about visual imagination stuff as well, it doesn't work for me. As for what you said about society, your correct. It's all ego based, just as I stated previously. I'm as guilty as the rest. I do have a choice somewhat. A choice not to make the same mistakes. I see through the blinds now, and see how the rut is created. Society is evil in the USA I think. The media is to blame and the people listening to them. Buy this and you'll be happy. Car commercials for 50 thousand dollar cars. People think nothing about spending 50k on a car these days. It's nuts. It's a big whole. The sad fact is that your right. When your internal reference point is your ego and not your spirit, your broken. This whole country is broken. We're all a bunch of mindless robots, buying into the lies of "happiness" and "the American dream"

Well as far as I'm concerned, it's the "American Nightmare"

Next time your at a BBQ or party or outing. Just shut your mouth. Do not judge, just listen. Listen to what people are saying and realize that nobody is happy really. Nothing but negativity comes out of every ones mouth. Myself included, although I am more conscious of it now and catch myself most of the time now. I must fix this, this is my goal and the only way I'm going to fix it is to learn to love what I hate. I truly believe that is my reality. However what I want to do is help  people. It's in my heart to do so, but my soul is in turmoil, because I myself and contributing to the demise of society by doing what I'm doing, which is feeding the machine that spews out the lies. Think about it.

Kevin

[LittleNinja]

I must fix this, this is my goal and the only way I'm going to fix it is to learn to love what I hate.

How do I lose the hate?

I think what got me to stop hating was when I started to realize that we have only one life to live.  We have only one chance to live in this body at this time with all the people we know right now. We have only one chance to look like who we are now, and do what we do.  We have only one chance because this life of ours is unique from any others.  After that realization, a thought popped into my head and just showed me how "hating" was pointless.  It showed me how i could either spend most of my life hating people, or use the remaining time that i have to just learn to love and enjoy life.

Of course, by just realizing that we have only one life to live does not guarantee a successful disappearance of 'hate.' So in my quest to try to find other alternatives to diminish this 'hate,' I started to internallized about who i am and why i hate.  This was difficult for me at first because i couldn't find that deeper "reason" why i hate, but it eventually became clearer and much easier. During this same time of introspection, I discovered something very amazing.  I found out that everything on this earth seeks balance. You can look at the scientific data of how and when a plate tectonic converges under the sea, new land arises somewhere else.  You can look at a curved pipe (u-shape) and see that when you pour water into it, both sides of the water will be the same length (assuming you don't tilt the pipe).  You can argue that this happens because of gravity, but isn't gravity part of nature, therefore it is part of earth's way of balancing itself?  Another example of how the earth seeks balance is to take a glass of water and stir the water with a drop of red food coloring. What color do you see?  There are many more examples, all you need to do is 'look.'  

With the introspection of why i hate combined with the discovery of the earth seeking balance, it finally led me to another conclusion. My new conclusion was that in life, love and hate; good and bad, must exist to gain balance.  And so this made me realized that i shouldn't hate the bad or hate the 'hate,' but learn to love it as much as i would love the 'good.'  Now i don't hate anymore.....well, not that much anyway.

Note: I don't hate but there are things I still dislike.  Dislike and hate are different.

I hope it helps at least a little.  

My love to everyone.

Love & Peace
w/ LittleNinja

PS I forgot to mention that in order for you to truly love something you hate, you must first 'understand' it. Don't love it for the sake of 'righteousness' or 'duty' like what i did before, but love it because you want to, and you understood why.

[missing]

Kevin,
Whining about your current and wanting a different situation is all fine for a bit.
But, you need to do something. Get a hold of it and do something

Weather, work, corporate stuff.
You have not traveled the world much I would guess. I guess this since you have little appreciation of how well you really do have it when taken from a comparison perspective


Mark

[knucklebrain1970]

Well, call me selfish if you may, but this is my life, not someone in Iraq. I pity them, yes, but this is me. It's not my fault that life is bad in Iraq and life in Poland is tough. I'm sorry yes, but I can't do anything about it. I created my life, my hell, by mistake after mistake, because of the clonism that exists in this country. People are screwed. It's all about FAT CAR, FAT CRIB, FAT STOMACH. I'VE HAD IT.  My life should be the way I want it right? Well I'm stuck and I can't get out. I just don't like how life works. I seriously think sometimes that I am not supposed to be here on this limited planet. I know what I know in my true self, but I am disconnected. I know the limitless possibilities that exist in my soul, so on this POS planet, nothing compares. If I did not have a wife and child, I would check out, rather quickly I might add. I just don't find life worth it, when I have to do something I hate, 9 hours a day of my entire life. I'm with these people more than my own family. I'm contributing to the demise of society. FOR WHAT? IT'S ALL FOR NOTHING.

Kevin

[missing]

Kevin,
Get away from daily routine for day or two and gain perspective,.
U choose to be happy or not.
It IS a choice.

[Telos]

knucklebrain, I support Mark.

Perspective is everything.

[knucklebrain1970]

Well in my rational mind, that sometimes sneaks through, I realize that I don't have it bad at all. I realize as well that I complain way way too much and need something to the effect of a NDE to snap me out of the modes I get in. One of the problems is lack of sleep. I've had a kick *** cold/flu/virus/bronchitis for the last 2 weeks. I've had that tickling cough that leaves me up all night and I've been taking ultrams left and right to get me through the pain. I don't deal with pain well. Anyhow, these little white pills, although not a narcotic, seem to have an adverse effect on me over time and I have to get off them as while they do provide you with energy, it's false energy if you will and when they wear off, you pay the price. I've got some hell to do once this cold goes away. Perhaps that's why I've been in the dumps as of lately. I can always laugh at the people here at work. Do you think it would be mean to go as far as to call them fools? They don't now what I know, but to boast about it is egotistical, so strike that. Furthermore, to call them fools I think would be hindering my spiritual progress as I want to help people, and heal them. I treat them on an individual basis however and if someone is nice to me, I reciprocate. However as a whole I can't get over despising them. This is my battle, 9 hours a day. Is it wrong to hate how the system operates?

Kevin

[missing]

I am and have been engineer for very long time.
My job is to define methods to begin with and to fix probs when things don't work.
Oft times working or not is result of caliber of folks involved.
Do not judge people harshly. It has little effect on them but over time very negative effect on yourself, which may be where u are at.

.Be happy with what u have. don't regret it.
Be happy. Simple as that
Life is a work in progress.
Do not over analyze.

[knucklebrain1970]

So it doesn't bother you that you are at work more than your at home with your own family? Not that I know if you have a family or not, but this is why the country is the way it is. People have no time to reflect on their inner self. For Christ sake, I can't even meditate when I get home after working 9 hours and driving 2 hours a day. I fall asleep. This is what is killing the USA. You can't deny this fact.  It enrages me.

Kevin

[Leannain]

i never get angry,depressed or any state of mind.
i've learned to supress my emotions ^o^

i think i did this by thinking "it's not worth it"
eventually i think my subconscient assimilated it

[missing]

Yes, I have wonderful family which I adore.
U communicate with my wife on IM.

Try to get yourself more positive.
Maybe more banjo time? I dont know.
But, u can be sure I do know, working hard while in your 30's has rewards later.
Just do not get so down on everything while doing it. U are building right now. Build and be happy at it.

[knucklebrain1970]

Yes, I have wonderful family which I adore.
U communicate with my wife on IM.

Try to get yourself more positive.
Maybe more banjo time? I dont know.
But, u can be sure I do know, working hard while in your 30's has rewards later.
Just do not get so down on everything while doing it. U are building right now. Build and be happy at it.

Banjo time? What do you mean? I communicate with your wife?
Alright, I give up

Who the hell is this?

Kevin

[missing]

I've said much already.
Don't regard your life as my business, but, was concerned when I saw your mention of doing away with yourself.
That could never be a solution. As u say, would cause hurt to those close to u. very selfish.

[knucklebrain1970]

Perhaps you have me confused with somebody else, I don't understand what you mean by banjo time. I don't play the banjo.

Kevin

[You]

i never get angry,depressed or any state of mind.
i've learned to supress my emotions ^o^

i think i did this by thinking "it's not worth it"
eventually i think my subconscient assimilated it

Why you crazy Vulcan you Emotions shouldn't control you, but you should not suppress them, they are very thrilling stimulants. While it's not good to get hooked on stimulants, you need to get your jollies somewhere. I suppose physical exertion would work, but one way or another one gets his happiness hormones.

[LittleNinja]

Perhaps you have me confused with somebody else, I don't understand what you mean by banjo time. I don't play the banjo.

Kevin

I think the reason for him saying that was because you said you have 6 banjos and some guitars at home.  This led him to assumed that you must play the banjo because you own them.  I dont' know. i'm just guessing.

i never get angry,depressed or any state of mind.
i've learned to supress my emotions ^o^

i think i did this by thinking "it's not worth it"
eventually i think my subconscient assimilated it

I agree with Tyciol.  I dont' think you should supress your emotions.  But of course, i'm being a little biased here becuase i usally follow my heart -----> emotions.



My love to everyone.

Love & Peace
w/ LittleNinja